I like storms. I really do. I've been fascinated with them since I was about four years old.

Right now, there is lightning and thunder, and I'm freaking out a little.

The thunder - it just isn't normal thunder. I mean, it's not one of the two normal kinds of thunder. It's not the kind that's a loud bang indicating a nearby lightning flash. And it's not the long drawn-out rumble associated with a distant flash.

It's something else.

Something strange.

Something a little scary.

It's kind of like a machine gun. A series of very loud noises spaced impossibly close together. It's definitely not the result of hundreds of lightning strikes all occurring in a row. It's one sound, one sound that lasts maybe five seconds or so, but a sound that's almost interrupted ten times a second.

You know what it sounds like?

A giant zipper.

An incredibly huge and incredibly loud zipper, being pulled across the sky.

I wonder, if I were to look out my office window right now, would I see God's wang?

I don't think I want to look. I mean, I'm pretty sure I can't compete with that thing.