Final tally after day one: 53.

Final tally after day two, and after eliminating several duplicates: 81.

It's probably for the best that I keep this bottled up for a while longer.

You know how sometimes you think you've got it all figured out, that nothing can really surprise you anymore?

Then you know how one day that thing, that thing you thought you had defined and categorized and labeled and stuck in a jar on a shelf, that thing beats you over the head and then rips open your chest and reaches in and grabs your insides and flings them all around you? And you're standing there with a smashed-in head and your heart and guts are all strewn about, and you realize maybe that you weren't quite as wise and smart and jaded as you'd thought? And then you realize that you just might be a dumbass?

You know what I'm talking about?

And do you know that, all those sappy clichés, they're all true? That the truth really does hurt, and it really can set you free? That love really is a many-splendored thing, and you can't really know it until you surrender yourself to it? Do you know how it's not all just bullshit to sell records and anniversary cards?

You know how one day you're sitting around contemplating how well you've got your shit together then all of a sudden your entire existence is turned upside-down, inside-out, every which way but loose? You know how suddenly you feel so alive that you wish you were dead?

Me neither. I'd like to know those things though. For now I just suspect them.

Okay, so this will be quick because I don't really feel like writing anything right now. Maybe I'll come back tomorrow and add some stuff. Or maybe not.

Friday I had one of those fucking nice and pleasant evenings at Rich O's. Boring boring boring. I'm pretty sure I had a Corsendonk Christmas Ale and a couple pints of Guinness.

On Saturday my sister Dina had arranged for several family and friends to meet up at Rich O's to help usher me into my forties. It was supposed to be a surprise but I ruined it by showing up early, plus I'd already had my suspicions when Dina called me a week before to ask what my Saturday night plans were. I ended up leaving and then coming back in so I could let them surprise me.

From left to right: Dina, my old friend Eric, Dina's fiancé Kenny, Eric's wife Terri, my sister Neisha, and her husband Chris.

Making later appearances were Dan "Holy Shit" Kruer and his lovely wife Kris. CoffeeDude also came in but I don't think Dina had a hand in that.

My first beer was a Piraat, back on tap after a long absence. After Dan and Kris had arrived, and Eric left the kiddie table, I moved over there and spent a while talking with Terri about books and the intriguing fact that she has single sisters.

CoffeeDude had been recommending a Goose Island Honkers Ale so I had one of those.

Goose Island Honkers Ale

(draft) A great beer for starting out an evening, yet interesting enough to make an entire session out of it. Smooth and malty. Tastes like it should have a higher ABV.

Once Terri had relinquished the throne I moved there and had a Guinness in honor of LaptopGirl, who was of course still absent physically but was nevertheless present in my thoughts.

Also in my thoughts were TrainGirl, gone for months now, and MisundersoodGirl and RealTrainGirl. MisunderstoodGirl is not working there anymore so I fear that I won't see either her or RealTrainGirl very often. Oh yeah, NotGeorge was supposed to be there but was a no-show. He'll be pretty bummed when I tell him that Dina was there.

For my final ceremonial beer of the night I had an Alaskan Smoked Porter and, once everyone else had gone home, I found myself sitting nearly alone with CoffeeDude as the big and little hands met at the top of the clock behind the bar.

So I began this new year in my life as I'd spent most of the previous one - sitting at Rich O's talking with a good friend and enjoying a good beer.

Happy Birthday to me!!!!

Yay!!!!

Don't forget to send me birthday greetings.

My Happy Birthday challenge, issued late last night, resulted in 46 birthday greetings as of 7:00 PM tonight.

Now, at 1:04 AM it's at 53 greetings.

Less than 24 hours left, and 47 to go.

So my aunt Helen died the other day.

I guess technically she was my ex-aunt as for the last several years she was my uncle's ex-wife. I don't really remember when the divorce happened - it was during the 15 year period when I lived away from here.

I also don't know the circumstances of their divorce, but I gather that they couldn't have been pleasant. Not like all of the other divorces that happen all the time when both parties are singing and dancing.

The reason that I don't think this divorce was pleasant was that when I asked when and where the service would be held nobody knew exactly, and I got one of these when I said I'd find out from the funeral home:

Well Dave, I guess you just have to do what you think is right for your self and your own conscience.

This was said with the same tone of voice I'd have heard if I'd announced that I was embarking on a multi-state killing spree with my herion dealing cult leading gay lover.

So I definitely sensed some tension there.

Well you know what, I liked Helen. And I'm going to go pay my respects. The rest of my family can do what they think is right for their own selves and their own consciences. My conscience tells me that, if things were really bad between her and my family, then she showed a lot of courage when she came to my father's funeral. I can repay that, if nothing else.

Wish me a Happy Birthday, Dammit!

Use the little form thingy over to the side - it's not difficult.

If I get a hundred birthday wishes I'll let you people know the truth, otherwise I'll keep it bottled up.

The deadline is midnight (EST) Sunday night.

Once again a claw rakes his skin, and he cries out. His refuge is not solid - there are small openings everywhere, and it is taking full advantage of them. Sharp talons reach in and grab at him, not able to get a firm grip but doing plenty of damage anyway. He tries to steel himself against the pain, but it always comes without warning. He begins to contemplate the impossible. He doesn't want to die like this, bleeding and cowering in the dark.

I almost never ever write anything about work here.

It's partly because I don't want to become another Queen of Sky but the main reason is that it's just not very interesting stuff.

I mean, writing about the beer I drink or the shows I watch on my personal time becomes simply mesmerizing when you start comparing it to things like how many hardware quotes I requested or how many spreadsheets I updated at work.

Sent out quote requests for the new Oracle servers today. I only gave the vendors three days to respond this time, but it's a pretty simple order. Somebody's hair is on fire about replacing these servers so I'm trying to speed up the process as much as I can. I always get quotes from several vendors but I pretty much always know ahead of time who's going to come back with the lowest price.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Where was I?

Oh yeah, work.

I'm so buried in paperwork that just about the only technology I touch anymore is this here keyboard. I do get to have fun when new equipment comes in, and when old equipment goes out, but for the most part my days are spent crunching numbers and researching new technologies and justifying expenditures and plotting project timelines and attending meetings.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Huh? Wha?

Oh, sorry.

So, when a rare chance to actually get my hands dirty arises, I jump all over it.

Like today, when I found that I was no longer able to talk to some equipment. We'd recently replaced a broken component and, apparently, we got the cables screwed up in the process.

Anxious to do some "real work" I grabbed a Fluke and made my way into the datacenter.

The Fluke consists of a couple of small pieces of orangey-yellow equipment. You connect the doohickey part to a network cable, and then you use the thingabob part to find the other end of the cable. The thingabob emits a tone when it's over the right cable, so this is called "toning out" a connection.

At least that's the way it's supposed to work. That's the way it works for everyone but me.

The way it works for me is that one of three things happens:

1. The thingabob starts making noise as soon as I enter the room and doesn't shut up until I leave.

2. The thingabob refuses to make a single sound no matter how much I beg.

3. The doohickey breaks as soon as I turn it on.

This is all eerily reminiscent of my younger days when I'd fry a new watch within a few days of owning it.

I have a magnetic personality, you see.

Some sensitive technology just doesn't like me, and that's just the cross I have to bear. And it may be getting worse. I've been spending so much time with paperwork that people are actually starting to doubt My Technical Supremacy.

There are even threats (made in jest, at least for now) that my datacenter access will be revoked if I continue down this path of ever-increasing administrative work.

I can envision a day when lights will dim when I enter a room. People with pacemakers will clutch at their chest and keel over. Planes will fall from the sky when I go outside to check my mail.

Eventually, I figure, the government will kidnap me, dissect me, study me, to find the secret of my power and use it as a weapon.

Did you hear about Tehran? They got Siltzed back to the stone age.

Eventually, my powers will spiral out of control, wiping out all of the progress we've made over the centuries, and a new Golden Age of Man will ensue. One unencumbered by the shackles of technology. All living things will exist in harmony.

And you'll have me to thank for your newfound paradise. But you'll have to thank me in person, because e-mail and telephones won't be working anymore.