It doesn't make any sense that I'm as exhausted as I am right now. I mean, I took a four-hour nap that ended only four hours ago.

So I slept too long, and when I woke up, I didn't feel like going to my stupid high school reunion. So, I didn't go. What I did instead was sit on my swing and drink a couple beers and watch some lightning. I think I made the right decision, though I imagine that I'll probably regret skipping the reunion at some point.

It ended up being a nice quiet Friday night. Just what I needed and wanted.

There was a bit of potential excitement for a while, when HatGirl pondered joining me for a drink or two. But then she and/or LuckyFucker pussed out, and those plans dissolved before they had fully formed.

So, to summarize, I slept for four hours, then I sat on my ass for four more hours, and now I'm exhausted.

I just had it for a second, maybe half a second, but I lost it again. That thought, that realization which just might be the key to this.

For just a brief moment, I was actually okay. I nearly stood up. But now it's gone again. And now I'm down again.

I think that very same thought right now and it feels like a lie. I realize that same realization right now, and it seems like an excuse.

Damn.

It's too hot to write anything. Maybe in the Fall, it won't be as hot.

St. Bernardus Prior 8

(bottle) Hazy brown, decent head that lasts forever. The aroma is mild, fairly malty and funky. Flavor is sharp - more hoppy bitterness than I was expecting, or desiring. Underlying flavors are raisins and a hint of coffee. This beer wasn't what I was expecting at all. Decent is all I can say.

I should really have known better than that. To write anything indicative of a crappy mood. Much better, I'm told, to just keep my big fat mouth shut. Or, better still, lie and be seen to tra-la-la my way through life.

Oh well, though. Can't be helped. I'm not deleting it now.

What I figured I'd do, instead, is write some more stuff. I figure that if I write enough it will push that drivel further and further down the page. Out of sight and therefore out of mind, because nobody ever bothers to scroll down. I mean, the scrollbar is way over there.

And, since I can't be bothered to be creative right now, I'll just post this stupid survey thingy I was messing with this morning.

Do you have any pets?
Three kitties!
What color shirt are you wearing?
Red. Who cares?
Name three things that are physically close to you:
My computer. Pictures on my cubicle wall. My phone.
What is the last book you read?
When You Are Engulfed in Flames, by David Sedaris.
Are you or were you a good student?
I was crappy in elementary school, but I made up for it later.
What's your favorite sport?
Pool. If you don't count pool as a sport, then baseball.
Do you enjoy sleeping late?
Of course.
What's the weather like right now?
Cloudy. It stormed this morning.
Who tells the best jokes?
I do.
What was the last thing you dreamed about?
I'm glad to say that I don't remember any of my recent dreams.
Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
Yes, and yes.
Do you believe in karma?
Sometimes.
Do you believe in luck?
Yes.
Do you like your eggs scrambled or sunny side up?
Scrambled.
Do you collect anything? If so, what?
Lots of stuff.
Are you proud of yourself?
Sometimes I'm proud, other times I'm ashamed. Normal, I suppose.
Are you reliable?
Yes.
Have you ever given money to a bum?
Yes.
What's your favorite food?
I go through phases. Lately I've been on a Mexican-food binge.
Have you ever had a secret admirer?
Doubtful.
Do you like the smell of gasoline?
Stupid question. Nope.
Do like to draw?
I suck at it.
What's your favorite invention?
Like I care.
Is your room messy?
My bedroom is a mess.
What do you like better: oranges or apples?
Apples.
Do you give in easily?
Yes, except when I never give in.
Are you a good guesser?
I guessed you'd ask me that.
Can you read other people's expressions?
I'm pretty good at it, I think.
Are you a bully?
Nope.
Do you have a job?
Yep.
What time did you wake up this morning?
At 6:46, but then I hit snooze twice, so 7:16.
What did you eat for breakfast this morning?
Nothing this morning.
When was the last time you showered?
This morning.
What do you plan on doing tomorrow?
Nationwide killing spree.
What's your favorite day of the week and why?
They all suck, but I guess the weekends suck less.
Do you have any nicknames?
Probably.
Have you ever been scuba diving?
Snorkeling, yes, but not scuba diving.
What's your least favorite color?
Vomit.
Is there someone you have been constantly thinking about? If yes, who?
Duh.
Would you ever go skydiving?
Sure.
What toothpaste do you use?
I think it's some Arm & Hammer stuff.
Do you enjoy challenges?
Sure.
What's the worst injury you have had?
I broke my collarbone a couple of times when I was a kid. Almost lost my arm due to a cut when I was about 25. Most painful was when I broke my toe a couple of years ago.
What's the last movie you saw?
Jumper.
What do you want to know about the future?
Will the future ever make the present seem worth it?
What does your last text message say?
It was from God, and it said, "Fuck you, asshole!"
Who was the last person you spoke over the phone to?
Not counting work, BadPickleGirl.
What's your favorite school subject?
N/A
What's your least favorite school subject?
N/A
Would you rather have money or love?
Love.
What is your dream vacation?
I dunno.
What is your favorite animal?
Cats.
Do you miss anyone right now?
Duh.
What's the last sporting event you watched?
Part of a baseball game on TV the other day. I was bored.
Do you need to do laundry?
Always.
Do you listen to the radio?
Duh.
Where were you when 9/11 happened?
At work.
What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
Kill everyone within 50 feet.
Have you ever caught a butterfly?
Probably when I was a kid.
What color are your bed sheets?
Varies. Currently light gray with dark gray stripes.
What's your ringtone?
Varies. My favorite one is the Homer Simpson woo-hoo!
Who was the last person to make you laugh?
I don't know. Probably LaptopGirl.
Do you have any obsessions right now?
Duh.
Do you like things that glow in the dark?
Depends on what it is, I suppose.
What's your favorite fruity scent?
Like I care.
Do you watch cartoons?
Only if South Park counts as a cartoon.
Have you ever sat on a roof?
Yes.
Have you ever been to a different country?
Germany and Saudi Arabia.
Name three things in the world you dislike:
Violence because of religious differences, lagers, and ignorance because of religion.
Name three people in the world you dislike:
That one fucker, that other fucker, and that dipshit.
Has a rumor even been spread about you?
Constantly. Some of them are even true.
Do you like sushi?
Not so much.
Do you believe in magic?
If magic exists it must be very subtle, or we'd know about it by now.
Do you hold grudges?
Piss me off a little, and I'm very forgiving. Piss me off too much, or too often, and I'll hold a grudge for a very long time. Forever, perhaps.

It's floating all around me. Like memories of dreams that never came true.

These pitiful scraps cannot support me. Far too quickly, they become waterlogged and I cast them aside.

I abandon them as the failures that they are, and I resume my frantic search for something, anything that can withstand the burden that I am.

Help me to keep my head out of the water, for just a little while, so I can rest.

It was the Summer of 2003 when I got the idea to do this blogging thing. I'd just attended my high school reunion, and I'd had such a good time that I thought I should write it down. I'd been reading about this new (to me at least) blogging craze, and I already had a website of sorts. So, I figured, Why not?

As it turned out, I never did write about that high school reunion. And I didn't start writing here until a couple of months later. I did mention that reunion once, but I think that was it.

That was the first reunion I'd gone to. I'd never lived anywhere near here when the others were going on. But for the one in 2003 I was back in Southern Indiana, so I went. It was fun, like I said.

Now, it's 2008. Five years have gone by, and so now another high school reunion is approaching. This weekend, specifically. Friday is supposed to be casual hanging out at a bar, and Saturday is more formal. Waltzes or whatever.

My own thoughts about this reunion have been thus:

I'm soooo going.

I'm soooo not going.

I'm definitely going.

What's the point? I'm not going.

Okay, maybe I'll go.

No way am I going.

And so on and so on...

I think the thing is that I don't want to go by myself. I'm sick and tired of going places and doing things by myself. But there's nobody to take with me. It's something to which you take a wife or a girlfriend, and a quick search reveals none of those around. And I don't really think it's something to which you'd take a casual date, though I did consider that for a while.

My family and my friends tell me that I should go, at least to the casual Friday night thingy.

"Maybe you'll meet somebody," they always say.

They always say that, but that's not what they mean.

What they mean is, "Maybe you'll meet somebody else."

I've done a pretty good job of biting my tongue when I've heard that. People do mean well, for the most part.

Even when they're totally wrong.

Nope, not talking about me. Though that's certainly an understandable mistake.

I'm talking about my brother-in-law, Chris.

So Sunday evening we're all sitting on Dina's deck, mostly watching the kids splash each other in the pool, and all of a sudden I hear Dina shout out, "Chris, be careful!"

I glanced over toward Chris, and caught a glimpse of him falling off the deck. Then about a half-second later, I saw the extremely heavy wooden bench fall off the edge of the deck right after Chris. There were several loud thuds and maybe even a crack.

I think that, for a second or two, every single one of us figured Chris has just been killed right in front of us.

Dina, being younger, was faster than I was in getting up and running to where Chris had fallen. I was about a second behind. Chris's wife (my sister Neisha) was in the pool, as were all the kids.

But before anyone (except Dina) could really start to freak out, Chris announced, "I'm fine."

And, apparently, he was. Despite falling several feet at an odd angle and then having an 800-lb bench fall on top of him, Chris stood up, did a quick count of limbs and digits, and again announced that he was fine.

In fact, he was in much better shape than Dina was, what with the fifteen simultaneous heart attacks she was having. But all ended well.

So, whew! right?

The theory I came up with is that Chris is indestructible. Seeing several rocks, sticks, and other assorted improvisational weapons scattered about Dina's yard, I suggested that we should test my theory.

It would have been fun, I thought. But nobody else wanted to do it, so I left and went to Red Lobster for dinner instead.

You know what I've never really understood the appeal of?

Right!

First guess, too. I'm impressed.

Anal sex is correct.

I mean, for gay guys, I don't suppose they have much choice in the matter.

But when it's a guy with a girl, there's a perfectly good vagina right there. It's only a couple of inches away, fer chissakes.

I don't get it.

I never really enjoyed it, except vicariously I suppose.

And, if it never happens again, I won't miss it.