One of the weirdest things about last night was this.

For over four years, I've carried my phone everywhere I've gone. For a while it was a regular cellphone, more recently it's been a Blackberry. Whatever, I did everything I could possibly do to always stay available. I've never quite figured out how to shower with my phone, but the thing is always sitting on top of the toilet when I shower, so I can still hear it. You know, just in case.

Then, last night when we arrived at the casino complex, I turned my phone off and gave it to LaptopGirl so she could carry it in her purse. This was a night, the first night since forever started for me, that I wouldn't need my phone at all. I had all the contact I needed.

Freaking surreal.

Friday night, LaptopGirl and I went to this Bier Prost 2008 thingy at our local riverboat casino complex. I insisted on calling this a date. LaptopGirl insisted that it was merely a thingy. But then I guess her mom said it was a date. So there. Majority rules.

I don't think that either of us was at all sure what to expect there. The flyer said something like, "Beer and food from around the world." So that sounded cool. right? I guess I was expecting it to be more beery than it was. I mean, they had a bunch of tubs with bottles of beer in them. We got cute little ceramic sample cups that would hold about two ounces of beer. Then we'd walk around and ask the bored people working the tubs for whatever we wanted.

None of those people knew about or cared about beer. The only brewery representatives there were from NABC.

It was like the people running the event just went out to a liquor store and bought a bunch of bottles and then put them in tubs full of ice. Even the other attendees seemed to be there just for the charity aspect.

But most disappointing to me was the food. It was just like they called some caterer and said we want some various stuff, and that's all they got.

But the point of the thing, for the people running it, wasn't beer and it wasn't food. It was some charity thing that I never heard of before. So they obviously wanted to save costs wherever they could.

The point of the thing for me, of course, wasn't beer or food either. It was to get to spend some time with LaptopGirl away from Rich O's. And that goal was very well satisfied.

Anyway, I did have some beers. Most of these were just 2-ounce samples. Here are the ones that were new to me:

Barley Island Flat Top Wheat

(bottle) Fizzy, with a nice aroma and a pretty good taste. Very light. More like a Belgian wheat than an American or German wheat. Pretty good. I'll look for this.

(bottle) Dark brown with a nice head. Aroma of dark fruits and maybe some chocolate. The flavor was surprisingly good to me. I will definitely look for this again. Probably today.

(bottle) Usually I know to steer clear of any beer calling itself a blonde, but this was listed as a Belgian Triple in the flyer, so I tried it. I liked it. There was nothing outstanding about it, but neither was there anything wrong with it. Maybe a watered-down Delirium tremens. Good.

(bottle) Straw and other dead weeds, in both the aroma and the flavor. Not very hoppy. Not very much of anything. Disgusting.

(can) Pretty metallic. Quite gross. I don't think that even people who like lagers would like this.

(can) Just gross. Smelled of rotten hops, and tasted very metallic. It tasted to me like it was skunked. Suprisingly bad.

(bottle) I know I'd had this before, but I'd never reviewed it. As a Baltic Porter, it of course reminds me of my beloved Baltika 6. Dark and roasty and chocolatey. Just a touch of alcohol burn at the finish makes me want more right away. Good.

Then we came back to New Albany, and LaptopGirl got this sudden intense craving to stop and eat at this one place I'd never been to before called Waffle House. Anxious to prolong the evening as much as I could, I readily agreed. So we sat and talked some more while she got something to eat, then I took her home and then I came home myself.

It was a really fun night for me. Kinda surreal, but really fun.

Of course I'm excited.

I just don't want to jinx it.

What's always funny is how it just ends.

No sign off. No fade to black. No national anthem. No hint at all.

There's something, and something, and something and then, click!, there's nothing.

And, of course, when I say funny I really mean almost unbearably stress-inducing.

Seriously, would a simple good night be so terrible?

20 questions about you and your lover

(Since I don't have a lover, I'm using the last long-term one.)

When did you guys start dating? December 2005. And she wasn't a guy, she was a girl.
How long have you been dating for? Off and on for a couple of years. Off now.
How did you meet? I wrote an entire entry about it.
Do you love him/her? Yes.
Do you want to spend the rest of your life with that person? Irrelevant.
Does he/she make you feel like you are something? She made me feel useful, more than anything else.
Does he/she make you laugh and happy? Absolutely.
Have you kissed? Ewww, kissing is gross! Duh, of course we kissed.
Do you like being with that person? I liked it very very much.
Would you cry if he had to go far away forever? No comment.
Do you like that person for looks or personality? Initially attracted to the former, became attached to the latter very quickly.
Would he/she die for you? Doubtful.
Would you die and for him/her? That's a tough one. I probably still would. The world needs people like her more than it needs people like me.
Does your lover make you smile? Absolutely.
Does he/she support you in everything you do? Not even close.
Does he/she try to be there everytime you need them? Yes.
Are you always constantly thinking about the person you love? I don't think about her too often anymore. It's moot.
Do you dream about him/her? Every now and then.
Do you want to spend the rest of your life with that person and raise a family? I thought so at one time.
Do you love her/him with all your heart and soul? With as much as I could spare. Which wasn't enough.

Seven Deadly Sins Survey

Who did you last get angry with? Myself. If I'm not allowed to say myself, then probably NotHideousGirl.
What is your weapon of choice? Stupid question.
Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? I was just a kid.
How about the same sex? Only in defense, either of myself or someone else.
Who was the last person who got really angry at you? I'm not sure. I think that TremensGirl is mad at me right now, but I may be mistaken. If not her, then probably MixedSignalGirl.
What is your pet peeve? How much time do you have?
Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily? I tend to keep them forever.
Sloth
What is one thing you're suppose to do daily that you haven't? Cleaned the litter boxes.
What is the latest you've ever woken up? That's a nonsensical question as I've worked several different shifts in my life.
Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't? Gene.
What is the last lame excuse that you made? All of my excuses are decidedly unlame.
Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through? Probably. Who cares?
How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock this morning? Three.
Gluttony
What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? I don't understand the question. Does Diet Coke count?
Are you a meat eater? Yes.
What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event? I once had a 12-pack of Bud Light in a 12-hour period while camping.
Are you comfortable with your drinking and eating habits? Pretty much.
Do you enjoy candy and sweets? I prefer salty snacks.
Which do you prefer: sweets, salty foods or spicy foods? Whoa, I just answered this. Salty.
Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought, "lunch"? That's weird. Of course not.
Greed
How many credit cards do you own? One, and it's just a debit card.
If you had a million dollars, what would you do with it? Spend it.
Would you rather be rich or famous? Rich. Famous people have to put up with too much bullshit.
Would you accept a boring job if it meant that you would make megabucks? Probably.
Pride
What's one thing that you have done that you're most proud of? I dunno. I used to be a pretty good pool player. Probably something related to that.
What's one thing you have done that your parents are most proud of? They're gone now, but I know they were proud of me when I joined the Air Force.
What thing would you like to accomplish late in your life? Immortality.
Do you get annoyed by coming in second place? Not as long as I did my best.
Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors? A million times.
Have you ever cheated to get a better score? Absolutely not.
What did you do today that you're proud of? I didn't murder anyone at work.
Lust
How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies, family, strippers, locker rooms)? I'm going to guess 20.
How many people have seen you naked (not counting physicians, doctors, family, locker rooms, or when you were a young child)? I'm going to guess 20 again.
Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a person of your chosen sex during a normal conversation? Duh. Though I try to behave myself.
What is your favorite body part of a person of your gender choice? Even though eyes are a cliche, I really do love eyes.
Have you ever had sexual encounters (including kissing/making out) with multiple persons? You mean at the same time, or over the course of my life? Yes.
Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? Yes, In Las Vegas last Summer. I politely declined.
Envy
What item of your friends would you most want to have for your own? I can't really think of anything tangible. I'd like to have MusicalYuppieDude's talent at playing guitar. Does that count?
Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with? My sister Dina has much better taste than me, so I'll pick her.
If you could be anyone who existed in the world, who would you be? No comment.
Have you ever been cheated on? Yes. It sucked, by the way.
Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own? I'd often like to be taller.
What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? Ability to carry a conversation with a group, I guess.
What deadly sin...
Do you do the most often? Sloth.
Do you do the least often? I'd say the eating one. Gluttony.
Is your favorite to act on? Lust. Duh.

What a disappointment.

They weren't lingerie photos after all. Just bikinis.

Come to think of it, I might have been told that, when they first started flooding in. I just forgot when I saw all the Victoria's Secret URLs.

I'm supposed to help HatGirl pick something for a cruise, I guess.

I like the one in the lower right.

So, not the best day for me, but I'll get over it I suppose.

Had the world's longest and most pointless meeting this morning. The eventual outcome of the meeting was, "We don't know anything, let's schedule another meeting and maybe we'll know something by then."

During the meeting, about a million fire trucks showed up and nearly surrounded our building. This struck me as strange, mainly because none of us were on fire at the time. As it turned out, there was an alarm at a nearby building. Luckily it turned out to be a false alarm.

The rest of the work day was okay, I guess. I've got so much crap to do. I think I'm going to have to burn a day of vacation tomorrow so I'll have time to do some of the crap. I think this is how workaholics are born.

Speaking of being retarded, I left a sleeping bag out on my deck, and now it's soaking wet because it stormed a little while ago.

Also, my stupid cats are acting like they're starving to death, but their food bowls are full. Because I fed them this morning, disrupting their usual schedule. I doubt that they've even bothered to look to see if they have any food.

Also, I sometimes I really miss working for myself. Stupid internet bubble bursting...

Grrrr.

I think that's it for now. I've got lingerie pictures in my email that I'm supposed to look at.

Right now, I'm in one of my moods again.

Sometimes I think these of these moods of mine as periods of unusual clarity. Other times I think they're just crazy periods - where I outdo even myself.

Whatever.

Right now, I don't think this is a bad thing, this one thing that I can't write, or say, or show, or pantomime.

I think it's good, maybe even great.

It's a simple matter of acceptance, that's all.

No extrapolations. No predictions. None of that crap. Just acceptance.

It, quite simply, is.

Just fucking deal with it.

Understanding is irrelevant.

I had a really nice day, by the way. People were really nice to me today.

So Rich O's is going to be closed next weekend. All weekend. I could say something about what I think of that, but I kinda want to go in there again someday, so I'll hold my tongue.

---

This Friday I'm going to this dealie at our local Caesar's casino. I'm looking forward to it except for the tiny little thing that I'm on-call this week, and there's never been much cellphone reception at Caesar's. So there's a chance that all hell could break loose at work and I won't know anything about it until I return to civilization.

---

I really want to go somewhere next weekend. And now that Rich O's is going to be closed I really really want to go somewhere. But, who am I kidding? I'm not leaving the area, not even for a weekend.

---

I recently expanded my cable TV lineup. So now, if I wanted to, I could become a baseball fan again. The only restriction would be that I'd have to be a Reds fan. And I'm not sure that they're worthy of the time and effort I'd have to put in to really follow and root for them.

When I was in Seattle, being a Mariner's fan was both fun and validating, most of the time. But still, it's hard to be a baseball fan if you really want to follow the team. There are so many games. I dunno if I'm up for that kind of commitment.

---

My answer was no, of course. What a stupid question.

---

It's AlliDay today!

Yay!

---

Then Sunday morning I have some work stuff to do. It will probably be fun, unless it doesn't go smoothly. Then it will suck, but that's what I get paid for, I suppose.

---

I think that's it.

---

I know I'm forgetting something.

This is a unique situation for me. There's no doubt about that.

Never before and, I hope with all my heart, never again will I find myself struggling like this again.

Searching frantically for purchase on such a sheer rockface. Reaching out wildly at each passing outcropping and crevice as I fall, hoping against hope that I can slow my descent. Survive to climb again.

But it's exhilarating, in its own special way. The stark contrast. The points of light shining so brightly against that ebony background.

I could mix metaphors all day and all night, I think.

Anyway, I spend an inordinate amount of time trying to figure out what happened.

I mean, I know pretty much when it happened. I just don't know what it was. What I did wrong, said wrong, thought wrong, felt wrong.

Clearly, I did something wrong. Clearly, it's all my fault.

What was once gray has separated like oil and water, has become bright tiny sparks in the dark. Stars, beautiful but oh so distant. Useless, but necessary. Oh so necessary.

I seem to be thinking about stars a lot lately.