Yes
Of course I will. Damn, it's been so long, I'm already trembling with the anticipation of getting to see you. And, not only seeing you, but seeing you happy. Because that's what's important - that you're happy. Of course I'll come.

And I will gladly shake the hand of the man who's done what I couldn't do.

No
What a stupid question. How could you even suspect that I'd agree to that? Have you ever even met me? What's the climate like on your planet, anyway?

I'll tell you what - I'll agree to see you and your dipshit boyfriend as soon as you agree that I can bring along the person you hate more than anyone.

Yeah, I didn't fucking think so.

Have a nice life, and I mean that seriously. But I'll be over here, trying to live my own life.

Maybe
I need to think about it for a couple of days. It's tempting, but it's more than a little scary. I really do want to see you, but I wonder if I also need to see you.

If the latter, then it's just too risky for me. I've got enough needs in my life right now.

It's been a long time, but has it been long enough? I need to think about this some more. I'll let you know.

Tonight, after my eyes had finally adjusted to the dark, and after my brain had finally learned to stop looking across the street at my neighbor's dick light, I saw some stars.

Actual stars. Not nearly as many as I saw when I was a kid. My aging eyes and all this stupid light pollution have taken care of that. And not even a zillionth as many as what I saw on that one night in Nevada, but still, a lot of stars.

They were pretty.

I also was lucky enough to see not one, not two, but five shooting stars.

I made five wishes.

More precisely, I made the same wish five times.

I am not a bad person. I am not a selfish person.

I wished for eternal happiness for someone else.

Also, as an added bonus, here's the only comic I can think of which featured shooting stars. I like this one, even though MixedSignalGirl was kinda mean.

---

Recently I've been asked what I mean when I say that I'm in a weird mood. I've found that, with questions like that, a description is much easier to come by than a definition:

Sometimes, I dare to envision a day. A perfect day. A day of laughter and love and joy and incredible happiness. I dare to envision such a day, but I see it as the fantasy that it is, and I do not get sucked into it.

Sometimes, I remember the truth, the reality of life. My life. And sometimes I can stand the pain that reality forces into my brain, and sometimes I do not want to cry out at the unfairness of it all.

It's those incongruities that makes them weird, these moods in which I sometimes find myself.

I often have dreams about my house having a secret room. Sometimes it's just that; a heretofore forgotten room, usually full of junk and other treasures. Sometimes there'll be an entire new apartment hidden behind a closed door, but usually it's just a room.

Part of the reason for these dreams, besides the obvious symbolism, is I think because there are parts of my house into which I almost never venture. Storage areas and a full-blow storage room. Another reason, I think, is this one house I looked at while I was in the market. I ended up in this house, of course, but that house certainly made an impression on me with all its levels and tiny rooms off the basement. I'd have probably bought it, if only there'd have been enough room for a pool table.

Anyway, tonight I dreamed of yet another secret room in my house. Except this was a room the likes of which I've never dreamed before.

I opened the door set into a wall in my basement, and beyond the door was a giant hillside, sloping down into a green valley. A cute little dirt path led from the door at the top of the hill down into the valley where a small village nestled.

"Oh boy!" I thought. "Look at all this cool stuff to explore, right here in my own house!"

I entered the new room, and started walking down the path. I noticed a fence to my right, and a black bull on the other side of the fence. That bull matched my pace as I walked down the hill into the valley. Not really menacing, but not friendly either.

The village was deserted. All the doors were locked. It was very frustrating, because I knew I'd have to call the people I'd bought the house from and see if they had any old keys lying around. And that would take time.

I started back up the hill, feeling depressed because my explorations would have to wait.

There was a movie playing on a billboard. Funny how I'd missed it before. The movie's narrator was talking about how, in the olden days, rodeos had used black rhinos instead of bulls. And it was only because rhinos became endangered that the familiar rodeo bull had risen to such popularity.

I had to admit, a rodeo with black rhinos would be pretty fucking cool.

Also, near the fence in a place where I really should have noticed it before, was a little tourist stand. Inside the stand were all kinds of things related to various things about bulls. The only one I really remember was a shirt. There was a whole stack of them, actually. Orange football jerseys with the number 34 in big white letters. Little cards stapled to each shirt asked the question, "Will a bull always charge the color orange?"

And then there was some small type that I didn't have time to read. Because as soon as I'd picked up the shirt and the card, that damn bull broke through its fence. It stood there on the dirt path, glaring and snorting at me.

I ran.

I ran like a motherfucker to the top of the hill, and I ripped the door open, and I slammed it shut. I just barely made it back to safety. I could feel the bull pressing against the door. Trying to get into my house. Trying to get to me. I pressed all of my weight against the door, knowing that it was only a matter of time.

Today I've been wondering about something.

I know, you don't have to remind me. Wondering has always proven to be a really stupid thing for me to do. But, as with most relevant things in my life these days, I just can't help it. I'd certainly stop wondering, if I could.

But I can't.

So there.

Today, I'm wondering if that was our first fight. I kinda hope that it was. Because, you know, it really wasn't that bad. And it would be nice to know that our first fight was out of the way.

But I'm also wondering about the make-up sex.

Does it still count as a fight, even if there's no make-up sex?

In the interest of completeness, and perhaps fairness, I'll now tackle the issue of what a guy means when he uses the word.

I think it's much more straightforward. There's a definition that's never used.

See, a guy will never, ever, ever, use the word friend to describe a girl unless either (a) He is not sleeping with her and, for some reason, wants to make that point perfectly clear, or (b) He's not interested in her physically and wants to make that point perfectly clear.

For example, I often refer to HatGirl as my friend. I use that word intentionally, because HatGirl is extremely engaged. I don't want anyone to ever jump to the wrong conclusion about me and HatGirl. So, reason "a" above definitely applies.

In another case, referring to another girl, I might use the word friend to stress the point that I'm not even interested in her in that way. This is a term I might use when referring to, say, Roseanne Barr* or someone of similar appearance.

The difference between these two meanings is a subtle one. It's usually taken from context. If, for example, you see me standing next to HatGirl or LaptopGirl or any other girl that's not a big fat hog, and I refer to her as my friend, well then it's fairly obvious that reason "a" above applies. The use of the word friend in this case isn't meant to either confirm or deny the presence of physical attraction - it's only meant to make it clear that there's nothing currently going on. Usually to spare the girl's reputation.

So, I'm really rambling with these two entries. I really did have a point to make. Or a point to illustrate.

But now I've got to work some more. Don't hold your breath. I may decide that this is too stupid, even for this venue.

* - I'm sure that Roseanne is a wonderful person. I only used her as an example. No offense intended.

I was thinking this morning about the word, "friend."

What it's supposed to mean. What it actually means. Because those are two entirely different things. It may as well be two entirely different words.

Or maybe there should even be three words.

The first entry for the word, at dictionary.com, says, "A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard."

Okay, fair enough. That's pretty much what I usually mean when I use that word.

But why, I wonder, do women so constantly twist that word into something entirely different when referring to a guy?

When they use the word, it doesn't mean any of that crap about feelings of affection or regard.

Nope, when they use that word, it means, "A guy I have casual sex with," about half of the time. The other half of the time, it means, "A guy I will never have sex with because he physically repulses me."

There's something about the tone or the inflection of the word. Its true meaning is always perfectly clear. Never mind that hogwash in the dictionary.

I dunno. Perhaps I'm just being feeling bitter because, far more often than not, I seem to be the latter type of friend.

So today I went to Jeffersonville.

First time in a couple of years, I think, that I've graced that town with my presence. At least on my own - I seem to recall going to Buckhead for lunch with some coworkers more recently.

Buckhead is where I went today, of course. I like the food there. I like the memories that resurface there. And they usually have good beer, too.

I sat out on the deck, oddly optimistic that it wouldn't rain while I was eating, and I enjoyed a yummy Cajun burger and a Paulaner Hefeweissbier (551) in a plastic cup.

It was very nice out today, as long as it was cloudy. As soon as the Sun would come out from behind the clouds - as happened several times - I'd almost immediately start being roasted alive.

But, it was usually cloudy, and so I survived.

Then, I went across the street to Hooters to see my cousin Jeff. I haven't seen him since my nephew's funeral, but that's not entirely my fault. He has agreed to share a lot of the blame.

Anyway, here's a picture of the potential storm that rolled in right after I got to Hooters.

All that storm really did was dump rain. It cooled things off, though, so that was nice.

While I was at Hooters, I had a couple glasses of Newcastle (9808) while I talked with Jeff. Then I went to Sluttopia to meet up with some old guy who was going to loan me a guitar, but he was a no-show. Damn old people. They can't be trusted for shit.

And that was it. Now I'm back home, wondering what happened to my weekend.

I was really bored for most of the day yesterday. I watched a couple of movies and shot some pool, and that was about it. At about 6:00 I went to Rich O's. It was quite early to be going there, but I thought I might be leaving early, so then it would all even out.

It was pretty dead in there. Kind of a typical Summer Saturday night. So I was able to grab the throne after just a few minutes. I sat there all night. I had three Delirium Tremens (1350), over the course of about four hours, then I switched to Diet Cokes. I traded some emails with RockGirl and LaptopGirl. I talked to PearlGirl in person, and I talked to WeirdGirl on the phone.

Once PearlGirl left, still fairly early, the place was a sausagefest for the rest of the night. Just me and some PBDs sitting around yammering about various nonsense.

I did manage to always keep at least one eye on the door, but nobody interesting ever came in. So that was disappointing.

When they closed-up and kicked everybody out, I came home. I was going to go to White Castle, but I forgot.

Oh yeah, some AWOL guy let me try a sample from his bottle of mead. It was gross.

What's your salad dressing of choice?
I like the sesame-ginger dressing with the Asian salads at McDonald's.

What is your favorite fast food restaurant of choice?
If you count Polly's Freeze, then there. Otherwise, probably Wendy's.

What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
I like Red Lobster a lot.

What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
Probably cheese pizza.

What are your pizza toppings of choice?
Cheese, and if I have to pick another topping, then I guess pepperoni.

What do you like to put on your toast?
Jelly.

TECHNOLOGY

What is your wallpaper on your computer?
A Terragen landscape I made a few years ago.

How many televisions are in your house?
Giant one in living room. Little one in guest room. Big one in Basement. Small one in guest bathroom. Other big one in basement. Tiny portable one that's around here somewhere. I think that's it, so six.

What color cell phone do you have?
It's a black Blackberry.

BIOLOGY

Are you right-handed or left-handed?
Right.

Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
Wisdom teeth. And I was circumcised as a baby so, quick everybody, IMAGINE ME NAKED!

What is the last heavy item you lifted?
Bags of water-softener salt.

Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
Don't think so. Not by any physical blow at least.

BULLCRAPOLOGY

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
Sure, what the heck.

If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
Belvedere Jehosaphat.

Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
Doubtful. I'd need at least $10,000, maybe $1,000,000 if it was hot enough to actually damage me.

DUMBOLOGY

How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
I think there's a pair around here somewhere.

Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
When this and then this happened. Or maybe the day I met MixedSignalGirl counts as a run-in.

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Not so fast there, Sparky. Who says I'm going to grow up?

Last person you talked to on the phone?
WeirdGirl late last night.

FAVORITOLOGY

Number?
Who cares?

Season?
Summer. I used to like Winter, back when it would actually snow.

Holiday?
I'm still partial to New Year's Eve.

Day of the week?
Saturday.

Month?
June.

CURRENTOLOGY

Missing someone?
About every ten seconds, on average.

Mood?
Whatever.

Listening to?
Nothing except my cat Buddy in the final stages of starvation - he hasn't eaten since last night.

Watching?
I'm typing into the computer, so I'm watching the letters appear on my screen. Duh.

Worrying about?
Answering one of these questions with something that causes trouble.

RANDOMOLOGY

First place you went this morning?
This presupposes that I went somewhere. I slept until 10:30 and then came here into my office.

What can you not wait to do?
That varies.

Do you smile often?
I have this goofy grin that keeps coming back.