One, I want her to grow up. Another, I want her to learn to close her mouth. Yet another, I want her to learn to close her legs.

Some, I think, should open their minds, and I'd like to see several open their eyes. The eyes thing - that's probably what I'd most like to see happen. I get very tired of seeing people I care about going through life blinded by their own assumptions and prejudices and opinions.

Me?

I want to be able to see the whole person, not just their worst perceived flaw or their best perceived asset.

And I want to have a more consistent memory - too often I forget everything but the most recent encounter. Or I do just the opposite - I ignore everything that's happening right in front of my face and I instead relive past transgressions or affections over and over and over.

And over.

Last night I didn't even get to Rich O's until about 9:00. I think that's better for me. Less time to build up hope, so not as much disappointment. Last night, my late arrival was a godsend.

I think I've said this before. If so, I'm going to say it again. I think that Rich O's is going to become more and more unbearable between now and November. They don't even pretend to be neutral anymore, as the new signage on the front door attests. Now, I certainly don't mind people having opinions, in fact I support it with everything I have. But it's become perfectly clear to me that only one opinion matters at Rich O's. No dissenting opinion may be spoken, lest the speaker be treated to a verbal assault that would make the drill sergeant in Full Metal Jacket seem like Mr. Rogers.

Anyway.

The place was only about half full, and most of the people there were strangers crammed into the living room area. I sat at the island with UPSDude. WomanRepellant and this one dude who looks like my cousin Robbie were at the bar, but I didn't recognize anyone else.

I had myself a Paulaner Hefeweissbier (501). I talked about random crap with UPSDude. I glared at the strangers in the living room area. I watched the door.

At one point, I think about when I ordered my second Paulaner (518) I texted HatGirl with the incredibly clever and sweet message, "Hi, HatGirl!!!"

I guess it worked, because about ten seconds later HatGirl walked in.

HatGirl!

Yay!

She hadn't got my text message, she and LuckyFucker had already been on their way - probably in the parking lot - when I'd sent it. But I still took the coincidence as proof that great minds thing alike.

LuckyFucker ended up at the kiddie table talking to WomanRepellant, and HatGirl joined me at the island. So I was treated to an uninterrupted hour or so of HatGirl's company. That was very very cool.

Oh yeah, I ended up drinking the last several ounces of HatGirl's Delirium Tremens (1215), because she's going through another lightweight phase.

Yay for free Tremens!

Oh wait, I paid for HatGirl's beer. But still, yay for Tremens!

A few minutes after HatGirl and LuckyFucker left, some utter bullshit happened that put me into a very bad mood, and I left Rich O's. I ended up going to Sluttopia for about 10 seconds, then I came home. What happened next will not be written about.

First, I need to get Wednesday out of the way. Besides it being AlliDay, which is always nice, I went to Rich O's after work to see BadPickleGirl for the first time since right after my Nephew was killed. I had booze for her and that was enough to lure her to see me. So we talked and split a pizza. I had two NABC Cone Smokers (3357) and then she followed me so I could drop my truck off to get its alignment fixed.

One weird thing was that, while I was filling out the little card so I could drop my key in the slot, a little black car pulled into the parking lot. I thought to myself, That looks kinda like Dina's car.

As it turned out, it was exactly like Dina's car, because it was Dina's car. She'd seen my truck and pulled in to say hello. So that was cool.

The next day I don't think anything remotely interesting happened except that I got my truck back.

By Friday night, I'd decided that I wasn't going to go to Rich O's. So of course I went to Rich O's. This has become a very annoying pattern for me. I decide that I'm not going, that I'm going to go someplace different, but then I go because I'm afraid of missing you know who anyone anything. Then, I get in there, and too often lately I find that I'm miserable because of the weirdoes and the fucking loud music and the increasingly belligerent political discussions. But I stay and I watch the door for hours and, more often than not, I leave disappointed. And I vow that, next time, I'll do something different.

But last night was pretty decent. For one thing, it wasn't very crowded at all. Certainly not like a usual Friday night. It was mostly regulars, and we mostly just sat around and babbled about random things.

I'd started out at the kiddie table, where I had two glasses of yummy Delirium Tremens (1209), then when TallLady left I moved to the throne. Most of the night the living room area held myself, MusicalYuppieDude, PlantDude, and PillowDude. At one point PearlGirl came in. She had apparently time-traveled back to the 1960s to buy a dress before coming to Rich O's.

My next beer was a Paulaner Hefeweissbier (484). Then I switched to Diet Coke for a while. I was considering going over to Louisville. AlliGirl had invited me to come see some band I never heard of. I asked MusicalYuppieDude about the band, and he said they're supposed to be pretty good. Plus it would have been nice to see AlliGirl again.

But then LaptopGirl came in and I forgot about wanting to leave. I forget about a lot of things when LaptopGirl is in the room.

I most certainly will not apologize for that.

I babbled a lot. I blame the Tremens I'd had earlier. Plus, she kept asking me questions that seemed to necessitate babbling answers.

Oh yeah, we ended up splitting a glass of Browning's Bourbon Imperial Stout. I already knew that it was yummy, but I think this was LaptopGirl's first time to have it. She said she liked it too.

Once LaptopGirl went home, I briefly thought about heading over to see AlliGirl and the band after all, but in the end I just came home and sat on my swing and did some navel gazing.

Oops.

But I will not take all of the blame for the weirdness. I was asked, after all.

---

It was nice to be asked. I think that was a big step in the right direction. But it would have been much nicer to have been able to answer without restriction.

The thing is, there are no real secrets left anymore. So, I wonder, why do we pretend that there are?

This pretending fools nobody, and it springs a trap from which it may take a long time to escape.

---

The sky is blue. Water is wet. Things are what they are.

When did the truth become a bad thing?

Oh, wait. I know when it happened.

The truth became bad at the exact moment that it became irrelevant.

It's not like I never envisioned this happening.

It's not like I don't, even now, see this coming at me like a speeding car on a late-night road, while I stand frozen. A deer in the headlights, as they say. So transfixed by the pretty lights that I wouldn't be able to turn away even if I wanted to do so.

And I most certainly do not want to turn away. Despite advice from Everyone On Earth.

See, the last time, the last time this happened, I was struck from behind. Unawares. Completely blindsided.

That really sucked, by the way.

The lights are so pretty. I think I'll enjoy them for a while longer. For as long as I can. Until it's too late.

I've been having a problem with the whole risk vs. reward concept lately.

This causes me to do incredibly stupid things. Well, the same stupid thing over and over, actually.

There's the potential for a reward, or I wouldn't do the stupid thing. But that reward seems to have lost some of its specialness lately. Perhaps it's happened a little bit too often. I might have even become a little bit jaded.

But the risk?

The risk hasn't changed at all.

As a result, the reward is no longer worth the risk, and so I should stop being such a fucking dumbass.

---

Another thing I wanted to write about, but which probably isn't worth an entire entry all on its own, is that some people are really annoying me lately.

Specifically, their voices are annoying me. Even the shortest sentences are sometimes enough to give me an Excedrin headache number 15,000,000.

I don't know why I'm so irritated with these voices all of a sudden. These are people that I actually like. Some of these voices belong to people that I would actually fuck. And it's not like I'm annoyed every time they speak. Only at certain times. When I'm in certain moods.

The voices, they cut into my skull and they scramble my brain. That's not good. I prefer my brain over-easy.

So many times lately, I've sat at Rich O's and I've wanted to jump up and scream, "Please, for the love of all that is beautiful and good in this word, please shut up for two seconds!"

But, I don't jump up and scream any such thing. Because I'm trying to be a people person and shit.

---

There's this one chick who has, almost single-handedly (or double-breastedly?), turned me into a breast man. I am reminded of this transformation quite often. I did a comic about it/her/them once:

It's not the size that's attractive to me. Not at all. Definitely not artificial size. I want to make that clear. I am not a fan of store-bought breasts that have no purpose other than making a girl bigger up top.

I realize that things like age and gravity and having kids, these things can make a girl feel less than satisfied with her body. So by all means, get those puppies re-inflated and feel better about yourself.

But try to come out of the surgery looking like a human being.

Size just for the sake of size? I just don't get it.

---

Okay, I think I've rambled on long enough for one night.

Okay, this first picture is part of the front cover of the most recent issue of the Louisville Eccentric Observer newspaper, or LEO for short.

Saturday night, LaptopGirl sat on the sofa at Rich O's, looked at the cover, and excitedly announced that her car was there. And, by inference, so was she. "Right there!" she said. "Behind that white car, just behind the don't walk sign."

Now, I didn't have my glasses on at the time, so I couldn't really see what LaptopGirl was talking about. And, I'll admit, I was skeptical. I mean, what are the odds that she's be driving down that stretch of road right when LEO decided to take a picture?

Once I got home, however, I used my computer to scan and zoom the image. I found all the proof I needed. These next two images show, with advanced zooming technology, that LaptopGirl was right all along. It's definitely her.

It's really her! Right on the front page of the newspaper!

LaptopGirl is famous! It's about time!

But I'm left with a couple of nagging questions.

Why is bigfoot in the car with her, and what in the world is bigfoot doing to that poor chicken?