I realized this evening, as I sat at Hooters enjoying a yummy Newcastle (9263), that I was feeling very writey. This, of course, being much different than feeling writerly.

I used to feel writerly, every now and then. Usually when I was feeling particularly sad crazy. But it hardly ever happens anymore. I'm happy now, for the most part. I'd say that I was a happy camper but I haven't been camping in years.

Anyway, I'm going to share a couple of secrets now. I can do this, well, I can do this because of the secrets themselves. They will reveal why I can reveal them.

Does that make sense?

No? Maybe it will in a minute.

Secret number one: When I'm at all vague as to who I'm writing about, it means, 99.99% of the time, that I'm writing about one certain person. Always the same person.

Secret number two: Some people don't read this blog.

See what I did there? I made secret number two rely on secret number one for its meaning.

Because I'm all clever and shit. And I'm betting that my readers are, too.

Anyway, I can't decide if Saturday sucked or if it was good.

I made a comic about it, but I don't really like it. It's not very funny:

See, I'd spent the entire day emailing and texting back and forth with LaptopGirl. About all these tentative plans for Saturday afternoon and Saturday evening and Saturday night. It was all so fantastic and surreal. I was so fucking looking forward to seeing her. But, when she showed up, she chose to sit at the end of the conjoined tables with the dorks and the hot girls, and there wasn't a fucking thing I could do about it. Except sit at the other end of the tables. Like a weirdo.

Things got better after that, but I think that my mood was already shot. I seriously didn't know whether to bust a gut laughing or to spontaneously burst into flames.

As it turned out, I did neither of those things. I pretty much stayed in weirdo mode until LaptopGirl went back home.

Anyway, I could list the beers that I had Saturday night, but I seriously doubt that anyone cares.

I got to Rich O's at 4:00 or so. That had been my plan all along. So when SassyGirl called at 3:00 to let me know she and JauntyGirl were back in town, and I told her I could meet her at 4:00, I didn't choose that time just to piss her off. Though I could somehow hear her face fall when I told her that. They had other plans, so they wouldn't be at Rich O's until later.

So, like I said, I got there at 4:00 or so. There were four strangers in the living room, but it looked like they were getting ready to leave, so I sat at the kiddie table and positioned myself to pounce onto the throne. I ordered a small pizza and an NABC Flat Tyre (839).

Once the stranger quartet had left, I moved my shit and sat on the throne. PearlGirl came in with her hot teacher friend, so that was nice of her. Even nicer was that my sister called to let me know that she was on her way to Rich O's. That was a nice surprise.

I used a variation of the word nice three times in that paragraph. I need a new thesaurus.

After my Flat Tyre, I had an NABC Cone Smoker (3397).

Dina and her husband Kenny came in and sat on the sofa, and we talked about various fluff for a while. Then SassyGirl and JauntyGirl came in and squeezed onto the sofa. It was all very nice and pleasant. SassyBoy joined us at one point.

At about 6:00, it was time for Dina and Kenny to be getting ready for bed, so they left. I think this was about when I switched to Diet Coke for a while.

The rest of the evening passed quickly enough. It mostly consisted of SassyGirl giving me shit for not dropping my tentative Saturday plans to see LaptopGirl, and hanging out with them instead. She gave me a lot of shit about that, and I asked her more than once to please stop. See, nobody understands. I would skip my own fucking funeral if there was even a slight chance that I might get to see LaptopGirl instead. I will not apologize for my priorities.

My next beer was a Delirium Tremens (1157), and it was the best-tasting beer I'd had in a long time.

Once SassyGirl and her posse left, I sat around for a few more minutes, then I came home at 9:30 or so.

This is an entry that's been a long time coming, I think.

I want to try to explain a little bit about how my brain works. At least one section of my brain. The part that's in charge of expecting responses to emails, phone calls, and text messages. I suppose it's also in charge of regular letters, too, but this is 2008 and nobody uses those anymore.

That particular part of my brain is flawed, yet predictable. And oddly fascinating in its own strange way. So I'll try to describe how it works.

As I'm not a mental health professional, however, I'll just have to use a couple of examples.

---

About two weeks ago, I emailed LaptopGirl to invite her to a new brewpub. This was on a Tuesday morning. By Tuesday evening, I'd had no response, and so I became certain that she was angry at me for something, or that I'd freaked her out by asking. Too fast and/or too much, maybe.

By Wednesday afternoon, there was still no response, so I became convinced that she'd packed up her shit and moved back to Arizona. Not specifically to get away from me, I didn't think - that was just a bonus.

By Wednesday evening I was certain that it had been because of me.

I remember emailing RockGirl, during that time:

"As her Jeep wasn't at her parents' house today, she has clearly moved back to Arizona. There is no other possible explanation."

By Thursday evening, I was convinced that she was back in Arizona, and that it was because of me, and that I'd never see her again. I'd only see her lawyer when I got the restraining order handed to me.

All day Friday I struggled to locate the pieces of my life from where they'd shattered on the ground. Again.

Friday evening, LaptopGirl came into Rich O's and said that she'd just figured she'd see me in person so she hadn't replied via email.

I was fine after that, but I'd had about 80 hours of torture.

---

A few weeks ago, HatGirl stopped responding to my text messages.

After a couple of days, I became convinced that she was angry at me for some reason. But, I kept trying.

By the time a few more days had passed, I became certain that her back was really bothering her and keeping her bedridden. So I texted her with encouraging messages.

After a few more days without any response, I convinced myself that LuckyFucker, her fiancé, had forbidden her from having any contact with me. That actually made me feel a little better, so I kept trying. Just a text message every day or so.

After a few more days, I became convinced that HatGirl and LuckyFucker had been in some terrible car accident, and that they were lying comatose in a hospital. I began to slowly accept the very obvious fact that I'd never see or hear from HatGirl again, but I still texted her a couple more times, just in case she'd snap out of her vegetative state.

Then last week, I became convinced that HatGirl and LuckyFucker had both died from their accident, and that nobody had thought to even let me know about the funeral. This thought really started to freak me out, so I tried one last time.

And she replied!

Yay!

Said she'd never got any of the dozen or so text messages that I'd sent.

I've been fine after that, but I'd had about three weeks of torture.

---

I guess the important lesson here is that I like it when people reply to my messages. And, when they don't reply, well the reasons that I make up in my head aren't very good ones.

So, please reply.

Thanks!

I'm working from home again today. Burning yet another day of vacation so I don't lose it completely at the end of the month. I'll have 36 hours left to use, after today. I might make it.

Anyway, so last night was a sort of virtual Friday for me, so I went to Rich O's. I got there a little before 9:00, and I was quite dismayed to see that not only were all the Thursday weirdoes still there, they had infested the entire living room area. I said hello to MusicalYuppieDude and TremensGirl, who were suffering on the sofa, and then I sat at the island and talked to some dude who needs to get a nickname.

I think I was expecting to be sad all night. I think I was even looking forward to it, at least a little bit, as it would be a chance to visit a version of myself that I haven't seen in a long time. Accordingly, I didn't fuck around when it came to my beer selection. I went straight for a bottle of Avery's The Reverend (547). It was yummy as always, and it's actually all I had there last night.

I never did become sad like I'd been expecting. WomanRepellant came and joined me for a while. I traded a couple of emails with LaptopGirl. OddlyFamiliarGirl came and sat with me. The two of us talked for at least two hours about various stuff. I had two Diet Cokes once my beer was gone.

It ended up being a much nicer night than I'd been expecting, so my reunion with my past self never happened.

When I came home I sat on my swing with a yummy Schlenkerla Marzen (3338), sent another email to LaptopGirl and a couple to RockGirl, and then watched the lightning until it started raining. Then I went to bed.

I need a new phrase. One besides, "This is huge!"

I know RockGirl has to be getting sick of me saying that over and over and over and over and over.

Nothing's great or cool or even fantastic anymore. It's all huge.

Like this thing that happened the other night. Or this other thing that happened three times tonight.

Fucking huge.

---

I think that one of my neighbors might be a dick. Not the one directly across the street; she's nice, and she has a hot daughter who sometimes comes over and mows her mom's yard in a bikini. And not the people who live behind me. They seem pretty cool, and they keep to themselves, the way I like it.

The neighbor who might be a dick is the one across the street and one house over.

He had a fucking streetlight put in his driveway.

The light pollution from that thing is ridiculous. Especially at times like tonight, when it's warm but the leaves aren't on the trees yet. I sit on my swing, trying to enjoy the darkness, and that damn light is all I can see.

I'd like to take a pellet gun and shoot the thing out. But I can't because I'd be the prime suspect, now that I've written about it.

---

I owe NotHideousGirl an apology. I will apologize to her in person the next time I see her but, for now, I will apologize here:

Sorry about that. It was only ever barely funny to begin with, and it's certainly not funny anymore. Plus, it sends the absolute wrong message. I will make every effort to never broach the subject again, except when I apologize to you in person, the next time I see you.

---

This weekend SassyGirl is coming to town!

Yay!

As always happens, though, I'm on-call this week. So my weekend could get ruined if some bad enough stuff happens at work. I certainly hope not.

---

I don't know what I'm going to do Saturday night. Rich O's will be closed because of this airshow and fireworks thingy in Louisville. They were open last year for Thunder Over Louisville, so I don't see why they have to close this year. To piss me off, I guess.

---

Huge, I tell you!

---

I wish I'd have let that guy in the Peril series of entries live. I just know I could write a lot of good stuff about what's been happening with that guy for the past year. But how was I supposed to know, back then, that things would turn around this drastically?

---

I'd thought that I might get to go to Las Vegas in May, but now that's doubtful. There were three of us going, and I guess now only one of us gets to go. I hope it's me, but I don't want to get my hopes up too high. Plus, it would feel weird to leave here when such huge fantastic things are happening.

---

People probably don't notice it, but I really am a totally different person now. Here's one example:

Before, my reluctance was selfish, but now it's pretty goddamn noble of me, I think. Me, noble. Who saw that coming?

---

Man, I really want to write something relevant. But, every time I start, I end up stopping myself. Because people might go, Oh shit, Dave's off his rocker again.

The thing is, I never got back on the damn rocker. Everything is as it's been for years, except that now I'm getting a little bit of validation. Not encouragement, I cannot stress that enough. Just simple validation that maybe I wasn't quite as crazy as everyone thought. As even I thought.

There. That's about as relevant as I can allow myself to get.

---

Fucking huge!

The random girls in the previous entry, I met them at this new PJ's Brewhouse in Louisville. Please note that I called it a brewhouse instead of a brewpub. Apparently, there's a difference. Also apparently, calling something a brewhouse means that you don't have to brew beer there.

Something like that.

I heard about this place about a month ago from a guy at work. I knew I wanted to check it out, but I had a tough time getting motivated to go over there. I invited LaptopGirl, but she didn't want to go. I invited WeirdGirl, but she was mad at me. I dropped several hints onto HatGirl Saturday, but she politely ignored them.

So I went by my damn self.

It seemed like a pretty nice place. It seemed even more nice when the bartender decided to give me samples of seven beers on the house. Because I'm all famous and shit.

Anyway, I sampled all of their beers except for a maibock. I don't remember why I didn't sample the maibock.

BJ's Blonde

(draft) Clear golden. Metallic hoppy taste. Served way too cold. I was not expecting to like this, and I didn't. A waste of time.

BJ's Harvest Hefeweizen (2)

(draft) Hazy yellow. Strong aroma of cloves, yeast, and bananas. Maybe some vanilla in there. Flavor was like the aroma, except there seemed to be roasted malt in the thing too. Weird for a hefeweizen, but pretty good.

BJ's Jeremiah Red (5)

(draft) Clear copper color. The aroma and flavor were mild, but malty and fruity. Very smooth and creamy mouthfeel. Good.

BJ's Nutty Brewnette (5)

(draft) Stupid name. Clear dark brown in color. Aroma and flavor of roasted malts and light hops, with a lingering bitter hop finish. Too damn hoppy for a brown ale. Decent is all I can say.

BJ's Piranha Pale Ale (2)

(draft) Clear amber in color. Light hoppy aroma and flavor. Just a slightly bitter finish. Pretty tame. I don't like the style, but this was endurable.

BJ's PM Porter (5)

(draft) Fizzy (?!?!?) dark brown, almost black. Light chocolate aroma. Mouthfeel is watery and creamy. The fizziness is very weird in a porter. Flavor of watery chocolate and a touch of roasted malt. Good flavor, but not very much of it, so this gets only a decent rating.

BJ's Tatonka Stout (21)

(draft) Black in color. Roasted malts dominate the aroma and flavor. A mild alcohol burn finishes. For an alleged imperial stout, this is pretty lame. For a regular stout, it's pretty good. Reminds me of Bell's Kalamazoo Stout. Good.

Clever readers may deduce that I had a full (16 oz.) glass of the Tatonka after my sample was gone.

I ended up being there for about three hours, mainly because of the random girls who kept pestering me. I also had some chicken pot sticker thingies that were very good.

It was fun. LaptopGirl and/or HatGirl and/or WeirdGirl should have come with me. I don't bite. Except when asked.

My plan had been to try to take a quick nap before going back to Rich O's, but I was afraid that I'd fall asleep and not wake up until this morning. So I ended up going back at 7:00 or so.

The place wasn't all that packed, but it was all weirdoes and strangers. Except for CrewCutGirl, I didn't recognize a single customer in the place. The living room area, in particular, was full of weirdoes.

I sat at the kiddie table and had an Ommegang Three Philosophers (24). I emailed LaptopGirl about the weirdoes. I emailed OddlyFamiliarGirl about her Olive Garden discount. I emailed RockGirl about something or other. Mostly I just sat and watched the door.

I had an NABC Community Dark (281) and sipped at it for a couple of hours.

Oh yeah, I was also starving. I was going to eat something, but I'd told LaptopGirl that I'd hold off in case she wanted to split a pizza or something. We were supposed to go listen to karaoke at Sluttopia, and I thought that she might be able to swing by Rich O's first.

At 10:00, I ended up going over to Sluttopia. LaptopGirl met me there. I had a Newcastle (9149) and a sip of LaptopGirl's Sierra Nevada ESB while we endured this one weird origami guy demonstrating his creations.

They didn't even start the karaoke until late, because of some basketball game. So that sucked. And then, once people started singing, they were all fairly terrible.

I tried to talk LaptopGirl into singing, but I didn't press very hard.

LaptopGirl got to stay for a couple of hours. That was really nice. I ended up drinking the last half of her Newcastle (2159). When she had to leave I gave her the wine I'd bought for her today. I hope she enjoys it.

It was a really good night. One of the best.

Except I never did eat anything.

Not funny. Not meant to be funny.

It's been a fun day so far.

First, I woke up at 5:30 in the flipping morning. Now, on a lot of Saturdays, I'll just go ahead and get out of bed at times like that. Because I know that I'll be able to take a nap later. But today, today I knew that I'd be spending a good chunk of the afternoon with HatGirl, so I forced myself to go back to sleep.

I almost overslept and missed my lunch date altogether.

But, I did manage to wake up with enough time to spare. I even arrived early to The Olive Garden. HatGirl, of course, was late. But at least she'd texted me that she would be late.

Lunch was good. I don't think I've been to Olive Garden since MixedSignalGirl and I were together, and I'd definitely never been to this particular one. I ate about half my ravioli and got stuffed. I'm still stuffed even though it's been almost five hours.

After lunch, we went booze shopping. I managed to get everything on my list except for this one wine that MrPopular had requested. Apparently you can't get that particular wine in this country.

But everything else, I got. Even the supposedly hard-to-find wines that LaptopGirl had requested.

It was fun. Food was good. Shopping was fun. HatGirl is charming company. She had this hole in the thigh of her jeans. I used my psychic powers to try to widen the hole, but by then she'd become self-conscious and was covering the hole with her hand.

Speaking of LaptopGirl, on the way to Rich O's to deliver booze to MusicalYuppieDude and MrPopular, I spied LaptopGirl and her son out in front of her house. I stopped and asked if she wanted her wine then and there. She said she'd get it later. A part of me is now wondering if she is now desperately making plans to move, now that it's obvious that I know where she lives.

I stopped at Rich O's and, surprise, both MusicalYuppieDude and MrPopular were there. So I gave the former his booze, and the latter his wine. Then I sat at the island and screwed up:

Paulaner Salvatore

(draft) I ordered this by mistake, as I'd thought I was ordering their hefeweissbier. I could not have been more wrong. I did have a few sips of this, to see if it was as disgusting as all dopplebocks are to me. It was. I only had those few sips.

I also waved at ArtGirl, who was busy doing something artsy in the red room, and then TremensGirl once again graced the state of Indiana with her presence. So I talked to her for a bit before I came home and wrote this entry.