The last, and only, time I did one of these was almost a year and a half ago. I figure it's time for an updated list.

My apologies to anyone I left out. I assure you that it wasn't intentional. I will continue to make updates here as memories resurface and new things happen.

I've also decided clarifications of the women I write about are indeed frequently asked questions, so I'll be updating my FAQ page with a link to this entry. The things I do for you people.

AlliGirl: One of my favorite people slash girls slash bartenders anywhere. Makes me wish I was a couple of decades younger.

ArtGirl: She's an artist, and she works in a museum. I have a crush on her.

BadPickleGirl: A friend of my sister Dina. We "half-ass dated" for a short while. She's a very nice person, and one of my favorite people to talk to.

BamaGirl: A girl from Rich O's. I only see her and her husband every now and then these days.

BigWheelGirl: One of LaptopGirl's friends. She drove us to see Screech. The nickname is because of a story that LaptopGirl told me about when they were kids. I'm pretty sure that BigWheelGirl hates me with a burning passion.

BikerGirl: See AlliGirl. A hot bartender at The Pub. She has a motorcycle, hence the nickname, which I don't use anymore.

Bubbles: A Rich O's regular. She just has a bubbly personality.

CanadianGirl: She used to work at my company, and she'd show up at Rich O's every now and then. She moved to Omaha. The nickname is because she's from Canada originally. She's a very friendly drunk.

CannonGirl: Another name for TrainGirl. She used to work at this historical place with cannons. I don't know where she's at these days.

CartGirl: A nice girl at work, who usually brightens my day. She pushes a cart around for a living.

CrewCutGirl: A girl from Rich O's. She has the most beautiful smile I've ever seen. I wrote an entry about her once.

CuteAsFuckGirl: She grew up in Washington County. She wants me. The nickname is self-explanatory. I haven't seen her since the day I met her.

CuteBartender: A cute bartender at Rich O's. I have a crush on her.

CuteBlonde: One of the regulars at Rich O's. She's married to some guy who's name I can never remember. Another nickname that needs no explanation. I don't think I've seen CuteBlonde in over a year.

Dina: My sister.

DoableGirl: A cute girl who I've seen at Denny's a couple of times.

DooRagGirl: See NotHideousGirl.

EllaGirl: See WeirdGirl. This nickname, which didn't stick, was because she looks like a girl name Ella from JournalSpace.

EnglishGirl: I spent several hours talking with her in Boston. Extremely nice. I should have given her my email address. She's from England. I haven't heard from her since, probably because I didn't give her my email address.

EwokGirl: Our cubicles used to be next to each other. Sometimes she would bring me free germs. She told me to use EwokGirl as a nickname. She's cute as a bug.

ExoticGirl: A smoldering hot girl that used to come into Rich O's sometimes. She's married. She's got sort of a Middle Eastern look to her, hence ExoticGirl.

EyesGirl: A really cute girl I talked to in Covington, Ky one night. She had two eyes.

FilleFransaiseSexy: One time, CanadianGirl brought some French people into Rich O's. I asked one of the French dudes how to say "hot French girl" in French, and this nickname is the result.

FirstGirl: A PBD at Rich O's, married to another PBD.The nickname is not, as one might suspect, because she was my first girl, but rather because she was the first person to ever talk to me at Rich O's after I started hanging out there.

FoxyGirl: A girl I went to school with. I'm pretty sure she was my first love, as least as far as I knew at the time about love.

GlassesGirl: A friend of Neisha's from childhood, and a former regular at Rich O's. I don't talk to her as much as I used to. Probably because she doesn't come to Rich O's anymore.

GropingGirl: A girl I met in Covington. She seems very nice. Maybe a bit too nice with people she never saw before in her life.

HatGirl: I adore HatGirl, and I wish I could see her more often. Besides being beautiful and smart and funny, she's the only girl who's ever successfully distracted me from missing LaptopGirl. Her fiance is LuckyFucker.

HomelessGirl: See OddlyFamiliarGirl.

HopGirl: Married to ScarecrowDude. Very nice. She likes hoppy beers.

HotBartender: She worked at The Great Lost Bear in Portland Maine when I was there. The nickname is self-explanatory.

HotEuchreGirl: She's hot, and she plays euchre. I don't think she likes me very much. Or maybe she likes me too much.

HotGirl: See BadPickleGirl.

HotGirlsHotCousin: It was just pointed out to me that I hadn't listed her here. She is BadPickleGirl's cousin, and since BadPIckleGirl used to be called HotGirl, well the nickname is pretty obvious. I see HotGirlsHotCousin about once a month or so at Rich O's.

HotRedHead: GlassesGirl's friend. I'm pretty sure that I ruined her life or something by writing about her. Oops. Haven't seen her in a long time.

HotRedHeadGirl: See HotRedHead.

ImprobablyHotMarriedGirl: One-half of TeamHotness, along with UnbearablyHotSingleGirl.

JauntyGirl: SassyGirl's (ex?)-girlfriend. Has a very pretty smile, and I like her a lot. The nickname is because of a jaunty cap she was wearing one day.

KidneyGirl: Just this weird girl that may or may not have tried to pick me up at The Pub once. The nickname is because of the old urban legend about waking up in a tub of ice with your kidney missing.

KittenDamsel: She's listed elsewhere here, but I'm trying to keep her two personalities separate. She's extremely sweet, one of those girls with whom timing screwed everything up. Currently we're thinking about trying again.

LaptopGirl: She moved away and I became sad. I might have mentioned being sad once or twice here in this journal. For a while, after she moved back, I became hopeful that our friendship could be resurrected, and maybe even more than friendship. I was wrong, but I did finally get to try.

LibertyGirl: A semi-regular at Rich O's. She has a 'blog, but she never updates it. The nickname is a bit of a play on her real name.

LibraryGirl: A friend of SassyGirl. She works at the library.

MaineGirl: A really cool chick that I spent several hours talking to in Portland a few years ago.

MaybeCrazyGirl: A girl from Rich O's who may be crazy, as she was hitting on me, of all people.

MisunderstoodGirl: One of the best. I call her this because many people don't make the effort to get to know her, and so they never understand her at all. She's a very cool chick, and quite a good artist. She moved away, and that makes me sad.

MixedSignalGirl: My ex-girlfriend. The nickname is because of a malfunctioning traffic light we encountered on our first date. She could never quite get over the whole LaptopGirl thing. She is, by far, the most amazing person I've ever known, and I miss her every single day, but I also accept that she's better off without me.

NakedGirl: This sweet girl from JS who keeps me company via email sometimes.

NeighborsDaughter: A very cute, very married girl who works at the local GasNStuff and is the adult daughter of my neighbor. She comes into Rich O's every now and then.

Neisha: My youngest sister.

NiceGirl: PlantDude's fiance. Sort of a semi-regular at Rich O's. She's nice, and we make an awesome euchre pair.

NormalGirl: A smoldering hot girl who also seems incredibly nice and down to earth. I keep waiting for her schedule to become less hectic. There could be actual potential there, I think.

NotHideousGirl: A childhood friend of my sister, Neisha. She picked the nickname, in a roundabout way. We used to have lunch together quite often, but not anymore. I think we've broken up, and that's a shame.

OddlyFamiliarGirl: This is NotHideousGirl's sister. That's why she looked familiar.

OddlyPrettyGirl: One of the owners of the Rich O's/SportsTime empire. Not Roger. I don't know why I chose that nickname for her.

PearlGirl: A girl at Rich O's. I think she's becoming a regular or something. She has the same Blackberry model as me.

PeeGirl: This very cute young girl who watched me pee then used me to sneak around the doorman at a bar one night.

PictureGirl: I had a fling/thing with her in Las Vegas. Just cute as hell. The nickname is sort of from how we met. Last time I checked, she was very happily involved with some lucky guy.

PigtailGirl: I had a one night stand with her in Las Vegas. She's from Portland Maine. She had pigtails.

PokerGirl: A hot friend of HatGirl's who plays poker for a living in Las Vegas.

PoolGirl: A cute, married girl that's become a bit of a regular. She's a pool player, apparently.

PortGirl: Some chick that kept talking to me about port wine one night at Rich O's.

ProbableLesbian: This girl used to come in to Rich O's all the time, but I haven't seen her in years. A self-explanatory nickname.

RahRahGirl: A cute friend of NormalGirl. The nickname is because she's a cheerleader.

RealTrainGirl: See SassyGirl.

RedHairGirl: See HotRedHead.

RedRoomGirl: Just this chick that was hot that sat in the red room one night.

RingGirl: A girl I met at Bearno's. We went to Denny's. She has a weird ring.

RioGirl: We went swimming together, and she told me that she liked my hair when it was mussed up. She worked at The Rio in Las Vegas.

RockGirl: My kindred spirit. I've never met her in real life though - I just know her from the Internet. The nickname is because she sent me a rock. Someday I hope to get up the courage to meet her in person. I owe her my life, in every sense except the literal one.

SassyGirl: My lesbian girlfriend. One of my best friends from Rich O's. Her nickname is because of a new, shorter hairstyle that she got.. SassyGirl moved away, and even though she's been back to visit several times, things haven't been the same. I miss her friendship, a lot.

SmolderingHotGirl: A possibly underaged girl that SpikeBoy and I drooled over one night at SportsTime.

SneakyGirl: An on again/off again girlfriend. Mostly off. She's sneaky, and funny. I chose SneakyGirl because she admits it about herself.

SpoonsGirl: My sister Dina's friend. The nickname is from a very dark day in her life.

StalkerGirl: One my readers who flattered the shit out of me by going back and reading three years' worth of drivel. I'm pretty sure that she's hot, but I'm positive that she's married.

StoreGirl: A semi-regular at Rich O's. The nickname is because I ran into her at my local grocery store once.

StupidGirl: A very mean nickname for a girl who turned out to be very nice and sweet. We're officially "involved" now, though we still live a million miles apart, and that makes me sad.

SunburnGirl: See MisunderstoodGirl. One night I changed everybody's nicknames, just to mix things up a little.

SuperHotYoungGirl: The nickname is self-explanatory. She doesn't come around anymore.

SweetAssGirl: I met her in St. Louis. She had a sweet ass.

TacoBell: See JauntyGirl. I called her this when I first met her, because she worked at Taco Bell.

TallBlondeGirl: This cute girl I talked to for several hours at Mac's one night. She actually distracted me from NotHideousGirl's singing, which is something I'd thought would be impossible.

TallLady: One of the regulars at Rich O's. She died in July 2011, kinda suddenly. She was very nice except when she was trying to get me to smile, then she wass too pushy. The nickname is because, duh, she was tall. Like over six feet I think.

ThatOneHotGirl: A girl I became smitten with at Rich O's one night. I kinda want to have children with her, if I ever see her again.

TracingGirl: See VigilanteGirl. One night I changed everybody's nicknames, just to mix things up a little.

TrainGirl: She used to be SassyGirl's girlfriend. She was really nice to talk to, but she moved away so I don't get to see her any more. When I first met her, I got her and SassyGirl mixed up, so I thought she worked for the railroad. Once I found out that I'd mixed them up it was too late to swap nicknames.

TremensGirl: A semi-regular at Rich O's. She's a cute redhead who drinks Delirium Tremens. She thinks I'm brave for some reason.

UnbearablyHotSingleGirl: The other half of TeamHotness, along with ImprobablyHotMarriedGirl.

VigilanteGirl: We used to flirt with each other a lot, when she worked at GasNStuff. The nickname is from a story she told me, when we first met, about chasing down some gas thieves. I didn't see her for a year and a half until one day I ran into her at White Castle. Now I'm hoping that it's not another year and a half.

WeatherGirl: A smoldering hot friend of LaptopGirl.

WeirdGirl: My last girlfriend, as of this writing. I still see her every now and then, but we both realize that there's no future for the two of us. A pregnancy scare help to make that perfectly clear.

WorldsHottestGirl: She used to come into Rich O's a lot, but she stopped. The nickname is self-explanatory.

YoungGirl: A really nice girl from Jack's who I've hung out with a few times as a sort of rebound.

ZodiacGirl: See LaptopGirl. Sigh. One night I changed everybody's nicknames, just to mix things up a little.

It was pretty dead at Rich O's last night. I had a Paulaner Hefeweissbier (51) and a couple Guinnii (1464). I had of course been hoping to see LaptopGirl, but that didn't happen. In fact, I don't think anything interesting happened except that WeirdGirl kept calling me trying to pick a fight or something.

So at 10:30 or so I went over to Louisville to fight with her in person. While I waited for her to get off work I had a Newcastle (5312) at The Pub, then a part of a BBC Alt (368) at Hard Rock. I got to talk with CoolHairGirl quite a bit, mostly about the show Heroes. She's nice.

WeirdGirl had to work a lot later than she'd thought she would, but finally at 12:30 she was allowed to leave. She seemed to have lost the urge to start shit about things that I cannot control, so we went up and checked out this new bar that I can't remember the name of. It was fucking loud, but there were a lot of hot girls in various states of dress and undress.

I like hot girls. I especially like it when I'm with one of the hottest. Social proof, I like to call it.

Anyway, WeirdGirl had way too much to drink. I had slightly too much to drink. So we took a cab back to her place and crashed.

Then this morning I went to get my truck, I saw that somebody had vomited all over the side of it. Not cool.

I just don't understand this craze. I mean, I understand the goal of the things, but I don't get how they're supposed to be fun.

The bartender at lunch today was doing one. I've seen BikerGirl do them. In fact, I've seen bartenders doing them all over the place. There have got to be better ways to kill time.

In elementary school math class, they'd give us these things, and we'd call them pop-quizzes, and we'd hate them. But now, they're called puzzles and they're supposed to be so much fun?

I just don't get it.

As I write this, I'm sitting at Buffalo Wild Wings on Bardstown Road in Louisville, having a yummy Newcastle (5270) and waiting for my yummy naked tenders with spicy garlic sauce to arrive.

I brought my notebook with me. I was going to try to write a long-overdue update for my anonymous journal, but this cutie bartender keeps distracting me with her various feminine attributes. And talking to me. A lot.

Damn these good looks of mine!

To be fair, however, it's probably more than that. Or maybe even something completely different than that.

See, what's happening, I think, is that people, such as this little cutie-patootie bartender with the perky and shapely breasts, people see me smiling. Smiling like I'm smiling today. Smiling like there's no tomorrow. And they assume, because of the smiling, that I'm a friendly and maybe even *gasp* a sociable person.

They don't know the story of why I'm smiling. They don't know how rare it is. How could they possibly know?

So they see me smiling, and maybe they hear me laugh out loud for no discernable reason. And I seem like a nice enough person. And they talk with me and sometimes they flirt with me.

And I don't have the heart to tell them that this smile, and this laugh, they're not for them. And that I kinda wish they'd leave me alone for a while.

I thought I'd lost my rock, and it took me over a half an hour to find it. Then, on the way to Wendy's to get something to eat, I started having a panic attack. By the time I got to Wendy's I could barely stand up. Even my legs were shaking.

It might have been residual panic from thinking I'd lost my rock. It might have been because the last time I'd gone to Wendy's had been on Awkward Night. Or it might have been for some completely random reason. All I know is that it was bad.

After I ate, I felt a little better, and I went to Rich O's. I had to park on Mars, and so I was pleasantly surprised to see that the entire living room area was empty. Of course I grabbed the throne. I ordered a Stone Smoked Porter (400). StoreGirl came in right after I did and she sat on the loveseat.

There was a dude there from Velocity, one of the local free papers. He was taking pictures of the place for some bar-hopper segment they do. Then he came and sat on the sofa and talked to StoreGirl and me for a while. He got our names and conducted a little interview with me because I'm famous and shit. He seemed particularly interested in the customer appreciation festivals like DaveFest and SteveFest. It was pretty cool. This was actually the second time I'd been interviewed at Rich O's. The other time was a couple of years ago.

After the newspaper dude left, people started showing up. The living room area got pretty crowded, and my panic attack resumed with added intensity. I was actually starting to wonder if there might me something physically wrong with me.

Then LaptopGirl came in and smiled, and I was fine after that.

For the next couple of hours, I sat on the loveseat and talked with LaptopGirl. It was surreal and fantastic. I had another Stone (420). Once LaptopGirl left, I moved back to the throne and talked with MusicalYuppieDude and TremensGirl and CoffeeDude for a bit. I ordered another Stone, but I only drank half of it (430). I had a Diet Coke and then I came home.

I couldn't sleep at all so I sat on my swing and thought about happy things.

It might seem, to those of you who read this entry, that I went out to the bar last night. It would be a perfectly understandable mistake.

I got there at 8:00 or so. It was pretty crowded, mostly with regulars. I ordered a Paulaner Hefeweissbier (34) and sat on the sofa.

For about ten seconds.

The music was too fucking loud there. Way too loud. I'm talking concert-level sound. So I picked up my shit and moved up to the island.

For about ten minutes.

The assholes behind me were practically screaming at each other, just to be heard over the music. Plus I think they were drunk. Their shouting was threatening to vibrate my skull apart, and that would have been gross, so I picked up my shit and moved to the bar.

My second beer was a Stone Smoked Porter (380), which isn't my favorite smoked beer but it's pretty good when it's on tap. I sat there and talked with TallLady and various people about various things.

At one point one of the bartenders poured me a sample of a new beer for me. This is actually a beer I bought for myself the other day, but it still sits unopened in my beer fridge.

Malheur 10 (4)

(bottle) Hazy gold with lots of fizz. Good-sized head. Aroma fairly standard for Belgian ales. Flavor quite yummy. The usual for this style, but with some tiny hints of spices and maybe even some caramel in there.

Once it was gone, I finished my porter and talked with WomanRepellant and various other people about various crap. Towards the end of the night I had a Diet Coke and talked with TremensGirl about various crap, like how she's under the delusion that I'm brave.

Like I said, it might seem like I went to the bar last night. But it only seems that way.

What I really did, what I really did was take a deep breath, and then hold it for four hours. Then, when I got into my truck to drive home, I exhaled.

And tonight I'll probably do it all again.

Last night I was accused of being brave. Specifically, I was accused of being brave when I write my drivel.

I didn't think it was a particularly fair or accurate accusation but because I am, at my core and fuck anyone who says otherwise, a nice guy, I didn't argue with it very much. And I didn't laugh hysterically until my accuser had left.

See, to me bravery is doing something in spite of fear.

And that's definitely not what I'm doing here, when I write my drivel. Not at all.

What I'm doing here, is I'm writing because of desperation. I'm writing because of stupidity and selfishness. I'm writing for an awful lot of reasons, but bravery isn't one of those reasons. It's not even close.

Mostly, I think, I'm writing not in spite of my fears, but because of them. Because I'm afraid of every other outlet for these words and these feelings. I write of these things because I'm afraid to speak them aloud, and because I'm also afraid of exploding if I don't give them some outlet.

So please, don't think of me as brave. I don't deserve it. These things that I write, they are a coward's words.

That seemed a lot better in my head than it ended up on the screen. So I've deleted it. But I'll rewrite it, and I'll try to do a better job.

I think that, to a lot of my friends, I'm quite handy. I'm a flashlight in the bottom of a cluttered kitchen drawer. Used briefly, and then put away and forgotten. Until the next time I'm needed. It's a lonely existence most of the time, but it's still nice to be useful.

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I went and bought some bottles of Spezial Rauchbier today. I had two of them tonight (1504). It's pretty damn good. I want more.

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Tomorrow is virtual Friday for me. Then it's a four-day weekend. What will I do during this four-day weekend? I'll wait and hope, of course. What else would I do?

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Just about every day, when it's warm, I walk to The Pub for lunch. Google says it's seven-tenths of a mile. It seems longer than that.

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In two and a half weeks I'll be in Las Vegas again. I should really start trying to get excited about the trip. I could certainly use the distraction.

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HarpO wrote an entry yesterday which contained this sentence:

"Sometimes people do every thing to lead you on then if you make the effort to respond they pretend you acted without stimulus."

I'm think that this just might be the truest statement ever written. Also, HarpO and I are apparently living parallel lives.

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I opened my present from yesterday, and it was exactly what I thought it was. It made me smile for about an hour.

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Today I spent a lot of money on something that I'll probably never use.

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I'm very confused about tonight's Lost finale. If the thing with Jack was supposed to be in the future, then why was his dad still alive?

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There are two people, ostensibly among my best friends for my entire life, and I haven't seen one of them in seven months, and I haven't seen the other one in almost a year. This is not completely my fault.

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I'm in a weird mood.