I always like the girls nights, at least until all the hot girls have been eliminated. This year there's an abundance of hot girls, so I was really looking forward to tonight.

Joining me on tonight's viewing journey was a yummy bottle of Gulden Draak (271).

Stephanie: Born 60 years too late. A fantastic performance which I fear will be marginalized simply because it came first. (85 points)

Amy: Cute as fuck. She sang a little flat, and she mumbled a lot of words. (65 points)

Leslie: Also quite cute. Stupid song. She went flatline several times. (65 points)

Sabrina: Damn, another cute girl. No wonder I like girls night so much. Anyway, a technically perfect performance, but her voice has no depth. I don't know if she'll be able to overcome that handicap. (75 points)

Antonella: Smoldering hot. Singing was all over the map. Mostly all wet. I feel bad for her because she seems very nice and sweet. (60 points)

Jordin: Drunken karaoke at first, but the second half of the performance was much much better. I took off 10 points because she spells her name wrong. (65 points)

Nicole: A lovely girl. She jumped around between nasally and artificially low and screaming. I couldn't understand a word she sang. (50 points)

Haley: Adorable. I love her rich voice. Her performance was severely limited by her stupid song choice. I hope she gets a chance to pick a better song. (75 points)

Melinda: One of my favorites form the earlier shows. Still one of my favorites. Second-best of the night, I thought. (90 points)

Alaina: Fuckalicious. Fantastic voice, which she chose not to showcase by picking a Stevie Nicks song. I hope she stays, because I adore her. I gave her 10 bonus points because she's carrying my child. (75 points)

Gina: Cute as fuck. My absolute favorite from the earlier shows, and my absolute favorite after tonight. Fantastic song choice, fantastic performance. (95 points)

LaKisha: She's weird. She looks like she's 50-years-old until she sings, then she drops 30 years. She sang a huge song, and it wasn't even close to being big enough for her voice. This girl can fucking sing. (85 points)

Okay, I'll admit it. I'm an American Idol watcher. I've been hooked, more or less, since the first season. When I realized that I loved Kelly Clarkson.

For the last couple of years I haven't been as big of a fan. I usually stop watching the guys after a couple of weeks. I'll keep watching the girls, but eventually my favorites get eliminated and I stop watching altogether. Until the next season.

Like this season. I'll watch it for a while, and I'll make entries like this one for a while. but it will all stop eventually.

So don't get hooked on my reviews. Please. That's too much pressure for me.

Anyway, tonight the guys sang. This is always boring to me, probably because I don't have a vagina. But I watched, and I wrote down my impressions. I had a yummy Koningshoeven Quad (346) while I watched.

Rudy: Sang a Six Flags version of a Six Flags song. I know this guy can sing, but he chose to coast through tonight. He's a lot better than this. (80 points)

Brandon: I fell asleep he was so boring. I'm giving him 50 points because it's my birthday.

Sundance: Stupid name, but probably not his fault. Great song. He seemed a little unsure about what to do with his arms. He sang great though. (85 points)

Paul: His tone was way too low for this arrangement. The volume of his voice was also too low. (70 points)

Chris R: Drunken karaoke. Awful. (40 points)

Nick: I really like this guy's voice. I thought he did a great job. (87 points)

Blake: Great song. Started out great. Finished great. This guy really surprised me. A lot. (90 points)

Sanjaya: I fell asleep, and I only woke up when he mangled a note. Horrible. (20 points)

Chris S: I expected to really like this guy, and I was a little disappointed. Put him in front of a club band, and he'll shine. As a solo artist, not so much. (75 points)

Jared: Nice job. Forgettable, but nice. (80 points)

A.J.: There seems to be a rule that anyone named A.J. or AJ that goes on this show must suck. I shot pool until this guy was done. He gets 50 points only because it's my birthday.

Phil: My favorite guy from the earlier shows. He started out like his nuts were in a vise. Then he spent the next part overcompensating. He finished quite strong though. (75 points)

The bank thing was because they lowered the daily limit from $1000 to $500.

"It's because of identity theft," they said.

"Maybe I need to find a new bank," I said.

Then I wrote out a check for enough cash to buy the sink and stuff.

Then I got a haircut. Then I got my new driver's license. Then I went to Lowe's.

Then I came home and took out the old sink, and did what I could with the new stuff. Which means that I attached the new faucet to the new sink, and I installed the new sink in the counter, and I hooked up the supply lines, and I put the drain thingies in the sink - including the one for the new disposal.

Now I'm waiting for Kenny to come here and (a) tell me what I did wrong, (b) fix the things I did wrong, (c) put all the drain lines in, and (d) do the wiring for the disposal.

I have no idea when I might expect him. I don't even know if it will be today. Until then I'll have to remember not to use that sink.

---

You ever just want to fucking strangle someone? Or knock some sense into them?

Yeah well me too. Metaphorically of course.

---

I'm starving. Nothing sounds good though.

---

It's really warm outside. My heat pump has actually shut off. First time in weeks that it's been this quiet in this house.

I was going to write a Monday beer report, but there's not much to write about, so I'll just cram that stuff at the beginning of this entry.

I had a half a Smithwick's (1454). I'd been planning to have a full pint but the keg blew when it was only halfway poured.

There were some people there. I didn't talk much. Mostly I just listened to everyone else.

Then I had two bottles of Delirium Tremens (858). Then I came home.

Ta da!

---

Today I've got a bunch of shit to do. So I'm taking a day of vacation.

I've got to go to my bank and try to find out why my card was denied twice over the weekend.

If the bank thing gets straightened out, I want to try the whole buy a kitchen sink thing again. Just maybe not at Lowe's. Depends on what the bank says.

I desperately need to get a haircut.

My driver's license expires at midnight, so I need to get a new one. First I have to find out where the BMV moved to. They're not over by Kelsey's anymore.

It seems like there's something that I'm forgetting.

Happy birthday to me!

Yay?

I was in some little trailer with a bunch of people, and I suddenly felt strange.

I knew what was going on. I was turning into a werewolf.

So I quickly shooed everyone out of the place, so I wouldn't mangle and/or eat them. I also found a box of kittens in the closet and I dumped them outside too, so I wouldn't eat them either. Then I locked myself in the trailer.

My transformation was a weird one. Quite unlike all the perfectly normal werewolf transformations you see in the movies. What happened was, I was myself, still human, but the wolf would be next to me for a while. I'd pet the wolf and he'd nuzzle me. We were best friends, me and the wolf.

Then for awhile I'd become the wolf, all alone in the trailer. I'd shift to all fours and I'd pace the walls, trying to find something to eat, or to find a way out. My breathing turned to growls.

Then I'd be myself again, next to the wolf. Then I'd be the wolf again.

Then I had to pee and that woke me up.

---

Then it was the next day or something. I was with a couple of girls and we were repairing the damage I'd done while I was the wolf. Mostly roof damage, it seemed.

I was telling the girls about how heightened all of my senses had become, now that I was a werewolf. How, for example, I could tell that one of the girls had been very frightened but the other had been very aroused. The girl who'd been aroused got all shy and tried to deny that she'd been turned on. I told her it was okay.

I told her that I could smell her arousal right then and there.

I told her that she was allowed to want me even if I was a monster sometimes. That she couldn't hide her feelings from me so she certainly couldn't hide them from herself.

Then I used a pretty great line.

I told the girl to stop being so hard on herself. That she should let me be hard, on her, for a while.

And she agreed, with a shy little smile, and I moved to her, and then I woke up.

The girl who was aroused had the same name as BadPickleGirl, which is also coincidentally the same name as that of my old high school girlfriend who I recently wrote about. But this girl was clearly neither of those real-life people.

The box of kittens had nothing but black cats in it, and none of them had any tails.

At one point while I was the wolf I tried to look at myself in the mirror, but all I could see was a pair of glowing eyes. When I was still human, I could see the wolf, and he was mostly white with some big black splotches. Seemed more like a Husky than an actual wolf.

So I chickened out. There was just no way that I could justify the risk versus the reward.

If HatGirl forgot my birthday I'd probably have been devastated and cried for a month. If she didn't forget my birthday, well then I'd have just been relieved.

So the risk of devastation was not worth the reward of relief.

I decided to fuck the risk. I called HatGirl and reminded her ass that tomorrow is my birthday before she'd have a chance to forget.

Then there was some phone juggling and I ended up having lunch with MixedSignalGirl. She's already having lunch with me Friday, so today was a big bonus for me.

Everything was nice and pleasant. Not a whole lot of tension between us anymore. I'd had a mild panic attack about ten minutes before she showed up, but I was fine after that.

Then EllaGirl decided to mess with us. She came over and, right in front of MixedSignalGirl, told me that she thought I'd left my hat in her apartment the other night.

Not cool.

This was, of course, utter bullshit. I only wear hats when I'm in disguise. So I sort of wondered out loud how many other guys it could belong to. Then EllaGirl stomped away.

EllaGirl deserved that for trying to stir up shit.

But MixedSignalGirl is a class act all the way. She didn't even bat an eye. She asked me if that was the famous EllaGirl, I said it was indeed, and that was it.

Oh yeah, during lunch I had a Newcastle (3304).

After MixedSignalGirl went back to work, I stayed and had a half-glass of Newcastle (3314) and talked to EllaGirl for a bit to see what her problem was. She acted like it was perfectly normal to go up and intrude like that. She said she was just being nosey, not possessive. I'm just glad that I wasn't on a first date with someone.

All this female interaction got me to missing BadPickleGirl, so I sent her an email of some cute animals. I'm not really expecting a response, but it would be a nice birthday present.

Today I watched a stupid movie called The Family Stone.

To successfully enjoy this movie, you'd have to do two things. First, you'd have to pretend that the characters aren't all whores and/or selfish pricks. Second, you'd have to pretend that Sarah Jessica Parker is about a gazillion times prettier than she really is.

I failed at both tasks.

For me, the only redeeming qualities about the movie were (a) that Rachel McAdams was in it, and (b) this one part where this one whore told a story about a guy that built a totem pole.

I didn't catch the first part of the totem pole story, but I got the impression that there was a guy who was sad. I think the words used to describe him were that there was a hole in his heart.

Or some drivel like that anyway.

So, to cheer him up, the town gave him a log. Not a big party. Not money. A big ass log.

But it was okay.

The guy spent like eight years carving that log into a totem pole. And I guess there was a big ceremony when the thing was raised. And it was beautiful. The town got a fancy new totem pole, and the guy got to fill that hole in his heart with something.

I thought it was a sweet story.

And now I want a log, so I can make a totem pole, so I can fill this fucking hole in my heart.

And I want the log for my birthday, which is in two days.

I fully expect to shut down in two days. If I do, then you people might not hear very much from me for a while. If I don't, well if I don't then I was wrong. About a lot of things. And I'll be okay. And I'll never mention this shutting down nonsense again.

Every now and then I'll get a bug up my butt about my house.

There are about a zillion things that I hate about this house. Cosmetic stuff mostly. But back when I bought the place, I was making a lot more money, so I figured I'd just throw cash at the ugliness and make it all go away.

But no! Once the Internet bubble burst, I had to get a real job, at substantially less pay.

And so the ugliness remains.

Flowery wallpaper.

Striped wallpaper.

Grotesque light fixtures.

Brown shag carpeting.

Hideous cabinets and countertops.

Ugh. Even all the dark brown doors and trim are ugly and dated.

And I didn't even show you the light fixture in my bedroom, or the floor in my bathroom or bedroom, or the painted wall in my downstairs bathroom. Had I posted pictures of those things, I'd probably have been shut down for running an obscene website. And I didn't want to take that chance.

Anyway.

Friday I got this bug up my butt to do something, anything to reduce the ugliness.

So I decided to replace my kitchen sink and faucet. While I was at it, I figured, I'd get a garbage disposal too.

Yesterday, I had my sister's husband Kenny over to look at my sink area and tell me what I'd need to buy. He's a professional Mr. Fixit.

Then I went to Lowe's and spent an hour or so picking out stuff that (a) looked cool, and (b) wasn't laughably expensive.

Did you know that there are $600 kitchen faucets? That's just ridiculous to me. Who needs a fucking $600 kitchen faucet?

So I piled all the shit in my cart and, when I went to pay for it, they declined my card.

I became a little concerned. There certainly should have been money in my account. I mean, Thursday was payday I hadn't taken any money out for at least a week.

But oh well. I figured that I'd call my bank on Monday and see what the deal was. I apologized to the checkout girl and went home.

Then last night I had the brilliant idea that maybe they'd declined my card because they'd tried to run it through as debit instead of credit. The card can be charged either way, but there's a $200 daily limit on debit transactions.

So I went back to Lowe's today. I picked out all the same shit I'd picked on Saturday.

This time I told them to run it through as credit instead of debit.

It fucking came back declined again.

Fuck!

After I'd apologized to the second checkout girl in as many days, I left scratching my head. What if something was going on with my checking account?

I needed to find out. So I went to my bank, and did a balance inquiry at the ATM thingy.

There's almost $3000 in my account right now. That seems about right to me.

The shit I was trying to buy was $580 or something like that.

Now I'm no math whiz, but I'm pretty sure that $580 is less than $3000. I'm also pretty sure that $580 is less than the $1000 daily limit on credit transactions.

So I don't know what's going on. All I know for sure is that everything in my house is still ugly. Including my kitchen sink.

Tonight, it snowed. Not very much, but enough to scare the shit out of everyone except the most die-hard people. So Rich O's was pretty dead, and they started kicking people out very early.

It was a weird night. Ten minutes of interest, followed by two hours of boredom, then another ten minutes of interest, and another hour of boredom.

The interesting parts were provided by some drunk guy. I don't think I ever saw him before, but I guess he knew who I was. And apparently he didn't like the cut of my jib or something. He kept threatening to "knock my block off" - which was funny for the nostalgia brought on by that old-fashioned term at least as much as it was for the mental image of him actually trying. The dude could barely stand up.

Look, I'm sure he's a helluva nice guy. I'm sure he was just in a mood tonight. Live and let live, right?

My first beer was a bottle of Weihenstephaner Hefeweissbier (1690). It was yummy as always.

So I sat on the throne. For a while I talked to a guy who proclaimed himself to be The Asshole. Not just any asshole, mind you, but The Asshole. I told him that it was an honor to meet him.

Then this one PBD sat and talked with me for a while. He told me something that really disturbed me. I guess that there are people at Rich O's who think that the whole DaveFest thing was my idea. That I thought up the concept of the customer appreciation festivals, and that I nominated myself to be the first honoree.

Nothing could be farther from the truth. Ask Roger. It was his idea, and picking me for the thing was his idea too. It was a huge honor for me, and it bugs me that some people think that it was my idea all along.

I may have an ego on me, but not that much of an ego.

Anyway, after a while WomanRepellant came in and sat on the sofa. Almost immediately, that same drunk guy tried to pick a fight with WomanRepellant. I'd venture to say that he came a lot closer to succeeding than he had with me. It took two or three people to restrain the guy and drag him away.

Like I said, I'm sure he's a nice guy. He's just a really mean drunk I guess.

About five minutes later DrunkGuy came back in, again, and tried, again, to pick a fight with WomanRepellant. He was dragged away, again.

It was kind of weird. I'd spent the first part of the night thinking that I must be really special to have DrunkGuy hate me so much. But as it turned out I wasn't special at all. Oh well.

The rest of the night was calm and relaxing. I had another Weihenstephaner (1707) and then I came home at 10:00 when they started kicking people out.