I woke up this morning and I thought for a few seconds that it was Sunday instead of Saturday. I'm very glad I was wrong.

Got home yesterday at around 3:30. RealTrainGirl called me about 30 seconds after I walked off the plane, wanting to know if I was going to Rich O's. Duh.

While I was gone they'd gone ahead and declared Winter here. Temps in the 20s and a nice little coating of snow and ice on the surface streets.

My cats were excited to see me, in part I'm sure because they had no food in their dispenser thingy, but I also like to pretend that they noticed I was gone and actually missed my company.

Took a quick nap. I didn't really need one, but it just seemed like the thing to do.

Rich O's was very fucking crowded. I spotted RealTrainGirl sitting on the throne, but there were no openings around her, so I stood at the bar. I had myself an Upland Winter Warmer (110), back on tap finally, and traded some text messages back and forth with RealTrainGirl about who are all these fuckers? and why won't they leave?

Well, some of the fuckers did leave, or at least they left the sofa, so I went over there and sat. RealTrainGirl was glad to see me. She missed me. Awwww!

The place was very loud. We sat and drank and talked. MusicalHippyDude and GlassesGirl and RedHairGirl were sitting on the loveseat. Some old guy that I don't know was next to me on the sofa. GreenBeerDude and a friend of his came and managed to squeeze in somehow.

My next beer was something new for me:

Strubbe Couckelaerschen Doedel (10)

(draft) A very nice beer, with a good blend of various unidentifiable spices. I got no citrus at all, and I'm glad for that. Quite yummy actually.

So then those people wanted to make a quick run to Molly Malone's in Louisville. They wanted me to go, but I didn't really see the point - both girls have boyfriends - so I told them I'd wait and save their seats if I could.

I couldn't. Save their seats anyway.

ProfessorDude asked me if I wanted to play some euchre. Yay! I haven't played euchre with actual humans in years. I ended up partners with a guy I'll call EuchreDude, while ProfessorDude (henceforth to be called LonerBoy) was partnered with some hot girl that I'll call HotEuchreGirl.

At about this time I ordered a Spezial Rauchbier Lager (970).

I think that EuchreDude and I won two out of three games at Rich O's, or maybe three out of five. Whatever, we closed the place down and went over to Jack's to play some more.

LonerBoy offered to buy us all beers, so I had myself a PBR (24) just for kicks.

We played a few more games. I think that EuchreDude and I won the majority of them. At about 3:00 I let PretentiousShithead take my place and I went to White Castle and came home.

Well, I'm back home from Las Vegas.

Just thought I'd transcribe my notes from Thursday before I head out to Rich O's tonight.

At around 3:00, I went up to The Four Queens to check out this Chicago Brewpub that I'd never heard of before. It was a tiny place, so I'm thinking that this may not be the actual brewery. Only one beer looked interesting, so that's all I had:

Chicago Old Town Brown (24)

(draft) I've rated this a little higher than most brown ales because there was something special about it. I don't know what, though. There was a slightly spicy aroma and flavor. Whatever it was, it was good.

Later Thursday I went back to The Tilted Kilt and took a few notes.

6:55
I ordered a Rogue Chocolate Stout (260).

6:56
The bartender was really fascinated when I was here last year and I told him how we'd met. Back in May, he was disappointed to learn that we'd broken up, but he insisted that my running into her at White Castle a week earlier had been a hopeful sign for us. He even went so far, back in May, to predict that we'd be married or engaged by the time this, my December visit, occurred. I didn't have it in me to tell him the real end of our story, so I lied and told him I hadn't seen her since that night at White Castle.

7:05
I know I'm supposed to be winding down this vacation of mine, but I certainly don't feel like it. I'd stay another month if I could afford it.

7:16
What the hell, I'll have another Rogue (276).

7:19
I'm really going to miss this beer. Even if Rich O's gets it as part of their Saturnalia festival, I should probably drink beers that are new to me instead. It will be tough though.

7:20
There she is. Maybe this vacation will end with a bang after all.

7:24
I keep thinking about a scared little girl. Can't get her out of my head.

8:05
Another Rogue (292).

8:07
I've started talking about boring computer stuff with some guy from Chicago.

9:05
Another Rogue (308). Still talking about boring computer stuff with the Chicago guy.

9:10
She's off. We're outta here!

Prologue
Had a couple of yummy Alaskan Ambers (2068) with my yummy steak dinner. Got in a really bad mood for no good reason, just a memory that surfaced unbidden.

7:40
Quite crowded, so I sit where the cock smokers sat the other night. I order, duh, a Rogue Chocolate Stout (196).

7:45
The bitch didn't tell him about my wanting an unchilled glass. Now she gets a penny for a tip.

7:50
I couldn't do it to her. It's not her fault she's stupid. So I gave her a normal 25% tip and told her I'd find another waitress for the rest of the might. Let her try to figure out why.

7:54
Moved to another table, closer to the window and away from StupidGirl's area.

8:00
I was already furious when I got here tonight. Maybe I shouldn't be taking my anger out on the stupid waitress.

8:02
There was a girl in the show last night that looked almost exactly like DooRagGirl. I wish they'd allowed pictures.

8:10
Wow, this is my last full night here for who knows how long. That sucks.

8:12
PictureGirl is giving me that come hither look, but if I go thither won't that be breaking her rule about when she's working?

8:15
I wonder what ever happened to RioGirl?

8:20
She wanted to know why I was mean to StupidGirl. I didn't think I was particularly mean, but I told her why.

8:22
Let's not make a federal case out of it, okay?

8:23
I wonder if I should just go watch Lost at 9:00.

8:25
I'm a little disappointed that I've had no stalkers this week. None that I know about anyway.

8:30
This one chick should get her money back from her implant doctor. They keep sloshing back and forth after she stops walking. Gross.

8:34
Another Rogue (212), in an unchilled glass this time. Yay!

8:35
All girls with mousy brown shoulder length hair should be required to turn and face me as soon as they enter a room. My heart can only take so much.

8:37
It's kind of strange that one of my coworkers is here at the same conference, but I've only seen him twice for about twenty seconds total.

8:40
If I was a chick I'd have long brown hair with those kinky curls and lots of blonde highlights. I'd also be a lesbian. A slutty one.

8:41
Santa Claus just came in. He's younger than I thought.

8:46
There's nobody here to make fun of tonight. Everybody's normal now that Santa has left.

8:54
She's off work now. She's tired. It's my fault that she's tired. Hee hee. She's going home now.

9:02
Maybe I'd be a lesbian with shoulder length, very kinky, dirty blonde hair. Definitely a lesbian though. Love the puss. Hate the cock.

9:14
I think I need a side by side comparison. Both girls are quite hot.

9:16
With me in the middle.

9:18
MixedSignalGirl always tried to get her hair that kinky but after like five minutes it'd be straight again.

9:19
Great. Now I miss MixedSignalGirl too.

9:25
Another Rogue (228). It must be the low humidity or something that's letting me drink so much.

9:30
I'm moving to the bar. I don't know why.

9:33
This goat roper just came in and asked for a Bud Light in a bottle. Upon hearing that they only have it on tap, he left in disgust. I hate him.

9:36
My rock is pointy, kind of like an arrow. When I spin it, it stops in some random direction. Maybe it's broken.

9:45
Two waitresses and a busboy went into the cooler. When they came out a few minutes later the busboy pretended to be zipping his pants up. It was funny.

9:56
I've been surrounded by loud people.

10:05
Piss time.

10:07
Another Rogue (244). WTF?

10:10
Man this place got crowded quickly!

10:15
Blinded by the light
revved up like a deuce
another runner in the night

How fucking appropriate. Or not. I don't care.

10:26
Friday would be a good date to get engaged. Not gonna happen though, because I'm a dumbass.

10:29
Some hot girl is running around with some kind of petition. I don't know what it's for though because she's scared of my evilness.

10:30
Holy shit I've drank a lot tonight.

10:31
It's not a petition - it's you give her your info and she gives you free chewing tobacco. No thanks.

10:36
I think it's her smile that I miss the most, or maybe the way she sparkled.

10:39
Alcohol saturation achieved. Ordering food and switching to Diet Coke.

10:49
Food has arrived. I'm outta here.

I may find out that I'm not cut out to be evil.

I already know what I don't have as much evil potential as some men. Some guys can grow a full beard in just a day or two. Not me though. I'm just not a particularly hairy guy.

It's just a genetics thing. You can't argue with your genes, can you?

Well, you can, but you're not going to win that argument. It's like arguing with a woman, except that a woman will, every now and then, let you think that you've won. Your genes won't do that. Your genes are dicks sometimes.

But I digress.

What evilness I do have is, so far, pretty patchy and scruffy. So instead of fear from those around me, the main thing I'm getting is pity as people are assuming that I'm homeless and/or deranged.

But I'll give it some more time. Probably until the end of December at least. I suppose that, if I can't become evil in a month, then I can't ever become evil.

And that's just another cross I'll have to bear.

When does a one night stand turn into a fling?

How exactly does a fling become a thing?

At what point does a thing become a relationship?

Do the answers to any of these questions even matter when all I'm doing here is trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, when I'm trying to complete this repair job, patch this hole in my life, but each shade of paint that I try just doesn't quite match?

When I'd drop her, and this, in a heartbeat if only my phone would ring?

I'm not an asshole.

I keep telling myself that.

What a difference a day makes.

To be fair, this was a long ass day, so its difference making potential was greater than most to begin with.

To start, I got to meet Dave Barry. I got a free copy of his latest book, and he signed it for me. He did this because I came to this same conference last year. Therefore I'm special. Like you didn't already know that.

Dave Barry also had a speaking session, which was a very welcome respite from all of the technical information making up the rest of the week. I wish I was funny like him.

Anyway, after the day's boring sessions, I grabbed a cab and went down to New York New York. I had 7:30 tickets to see Zumanity.

After I picked up my ticket I still had a couple of hours to kill. So guess what I did.

Go ahead, guess.

If you guessed that I ate dinner and drank some beer, then you guessed correctly. If you guessed anything else, then you probably thought you were reading somebody else's journal.

I went to the ESPN Zone and had a burger and fries. With this delicious meal, I had one of their large mugs of Fat Tire (85). After that was gone, I talked with PictureGirl on the phone for a bit and sent some text messages off to some friends. I also had a Guinness (990).

The show itself, well it was different. The audience interaction was very funny. I even got to be a small part of it. It's a pretty sexual show. So much so that even the stunts and acrobatics managed to get a little bit lost in the sexual undertones. I liked it, but next time I go I'm taking a date.

After the show, I went over to Nine Fine Irishmen and paid $6.57 for a Smithwick's (636). That's a ridiculous price, even for Las Vegas, so I didn't stay. I went back to The Rio and had a couple pints of Rogue Chocolate Stout (180) which were yummy and reasonably priced.

PictureGirl was working, but she was busy. She'd made it clear last night that I needed to respect her work and not start any trouble or rumors or anything, so I just said "Hi" and that was about it. She's supposed to call me when she gets off work. We'll see.

Last night I took PictureGirl to The Freakin' Frog. Actually she took me, because she drove, but I paid, so whatever.

Back in May, the first time I went to this bar, my plan had been to only drink beers that were new to me. That plan was immediately ruined by the fact that they had Alaskan Smoked Porter on tap.

Last night, my plan was, once again, to only drink new beers. Last night, that plan was ruined by their having Alaskan Amber on tap.

Not that I'm complaining. I haven't had draft Alaskan Amber in two years, since the last time I was in Seattle. I managed to limit myself to just the one glass (2044).

I had to ask for a thawed glass. The bartender tried to argue with me about that. "Most Americans like to drink from chilled glasses," he told me.

"Most Americans can't tell the difference between piss and beer, and they wouldn't be caught dead in a place like this," I responded. So the bartender granted me my point and he provided unchilled glasses for the rest of the evening.

PictureGirl and I grabbed a booth and had some dinner and a lot of that mundane first (and in our case, only) date chat about nothing much. For the most part we just made fun of the other people in the place.

The Freakin' Frog is similar to Rich O's in that most of the women are lesbians. There are beer snobs as well, but this place's beer snobs are all very young and they play chess. They all drink Chimay, and the lesbians all drink PBR or Mickey's.

PictureGirl stuck with Alaskan Amber, and I branched out a little.

Flying Dog Gonzo Imperial Porter (10)

(draft) Looks nice, with good lacing. A fairly intense coffee/licorice flavor that didn't appeal to me very much. The high alcohol is fairly apparent. The second half of the glass tasted better to my numbed taste buds than the first half had.

They had a Galaga video game there. I put a dollar in so we could play. I wanted to see how much I sucked after 30 years. Well the machine stole my dollar, so it wasn't as much fun as I remembered from when I was a kid.

Alaskan Stout (12)

(bottle) A decent head that faded very quickly. Aroma was mainly chocolate, with perhaps some cola as well. Flavor was a mix of coffee, chocolate, and cola, with maybe a touch of juniper. A decent and safe beer from one of my favorite breweries.

I don't know if it's a Las Vegas thing, or just a Freakin' Frog thing, but a lot of people were wearing strange hats. There was one guy wearing a gray flannel gangster cap. Another was wearing a straw hat like the scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz might have worn. This one beatnik dude with a disconcertingly pretty girlfriend was wearing some strange knit winter cap but it had a bill on it. PictureGirl and I, we were hatless.

At one point, we found ourselves watching bits of this Underworld movie that they were projecting onto a big screen TV. Then PictureGirl said not to watch it anymore, we could go to her apartment and watch the whole thing.

Check, please!

We only ended up watching about half the movie.

Back to work today.

Yes, that's right, work.

People back in Louisville give me shit about going to these things, like they're nothing more than a free vacation.

Well there is that.

But the people who've attended these conferences never give me any shit. They know better. Days filled with often boring presentations are just as tiring as doing the so-called "real work" I'd be doing back home.

Having said that - If the thing was in Des Moines or some other boring city, I wouldn't be here.

After nine hours of sessions today, I'm going to take a nap to make sure that I'm nice and refreshed for my big date.

That's right, I have a date tonight. So ha ha.

I know, I know, I'm late. I skipped an entire day.

Yesterday was a long day. For some stupid reason I'd bought tickets for the 10:30 PM showing of La Reve. Probably because I'm a dumbass, but possibly because the other showings were sold out. I don't remember.

Anyway, because it was going to be such a long day, I slept in until 9:30 or so. I just hung around The Rio all day long. I played some video poker, and for lunch I went and had a Rogue Chocolate Stout (126) with my chicken tenders.

Then I took a nap for several hours.

This is exciting, isn't it?

Before I went to the show I stopped and had dinner. With my dinner I had a couple more Rogues (158). I traded some text-messages back and forth with VigilanteGirl and RealTrainGirl, then eventually I took a cab over to The Wynn.

That's (obviously) the outside of where they had the show. You're not supposed to take pictures of the inside but I managed to sneak this one before the show started:

This was a pretty cool show. More dancy and less acrobatic than the Cirque Du Soleil shows that I've attended in Las Vegas. Actually, a large part of the show was ruined for me when The Most Beautiful Girl In The History Of The Universe popped out of the water about five feet in front of me and smiled. I spent the rest of the 90-minute show finding and then staring at her whenever I found her.

When The Most Beautiful Girl In The History Of The Universe wasn't visible I watched the other performers. I really like this artsy-fartsy stuff.

After the show I went back to The Rio. I was thinking about grabbing another beer but The Tilted Kilt was already closed so I just played some video poker for a while (I actually tripled my money, too bad I was playing for quarters instead of dollars) and got to bed a little after 2:00.

Prologue: Same as last night. I sat at the bar and wrote in my notebook when I felt like it.

8:14
I arrive and order a Rogue Chocolate Stout (80). Tastes awful because I just brushed my teeth. The solution: Drink faster.

Here's my rock admiring the Tilted Kilt glass.

8:18
It's pretty dead in here right now, at least at the bar. Good.

8:25
A couple in their forties just sat next to me. They're looking at the beer list. I'm going to guess: Bud Light for her and Sam Adams's for him.

8:28
I was off, but not as far off as you might think. He got a Sin City Amber and she got a Sprite. I hate them.

8:35
One of the waitresses was complaining that somebody took her picture without permission. I told her that it happens to me all the time. I'm not sure what's so funny, but she laughed and touched my arm. She must want it up the butt.

8:40
I'm revising my opinion of the couple next to me. The girl is in her mid-thirties, and the guy with her may be her father.

8:41
Another Rogue (96). Fucking yummy.

8:44
Another revision. The chick is a pro and the dude doesn't know it. He actually thinks that she's interested in him.

8:45
The john just got a black and tan. He's telling the hooker that it's what everybody in Europe drinks. What a dork.

8:49
I wonder if every entry I make this week is going to be this boring.

8:50
There are some incredibly ugly people in the world.

8:55
Some fuckers just sat to my right. I'm guessing three Foster's. I may have to close my notebook as one of the fuckers is being nosey.

8:57
Two Grey Goose Martinis and one Bacardi & Coke. I should have known, but my brain is geared toward beer.

9:00
I'm taking off my glasses. Watch out ladies!

9:10
Steve the bartender is working tonight. We're talking about how freaked out I was at this time last year.

9:12
Showed PictureGirl my rock. She thinks it's cute. She definitely wants it up the butt. My dick, not the rock.

9:15
A hot girl just sat to my left.

9:22
This glass is almost empty. Do I want another Rogue?

9:25
Yes. Yes I do (110).

9:35
The hot girl left. Oh well.

9:40
I can feel myself being pulled to the Southeast. I wonder, if I'm being pulled by her, am I not also pulling her toward me?

9:45
Time to take a piss.

9:50
A goth couple just sat to my right. My guess: Guinness for both of them.

9:51
I nailed it.

10:00
GothGuy is smoking a clove cigarette. Now I'm starving to death.