Didn't do much of anything today. Went grocery shopping. Watched some movies. Shot some pool. Did a couple loads of laundry.

Spent about an hour trading text messages back and forth with a couple of girls. Nice enough girls. Pretty enough too. One that wants too much from me, and another that wants too little. Doesn't matter though, 'cause I don't think I have enough left in me for either of them.

They always initiate these conversations. For whatever reasons, they're bored, or lonely, or whatever. Today they both happened to be bored or lonely or whatever at the same time. So I spent, like I said, an hour juggling two different conversations, neither of which I really gave a shit about.

Because you see, the person I really want to hear from - I told that person to leave me alone. Told her that she was hurting me. Told her in a text message, because to have told her in person would have required more willpower, and more bravery, than I could muster.

Today I watched this movie Hitch which is just completely full of all these cheesy lines about love and happiness and heartbreak. Incredibly sappy stuff, but there was one line that struck a bit of a chord in me:

I waited my entire life to feel this miserable.

But not now.

Now there's just this numbness that I kind of wish would go away.

This Saturday beer report encompasses two different venues, and it's still pretty much a waste of effort. You have been warned.

First there was the Brew at the Zoo. After I'd spent a few hours walking around and feeling sorry for all of the caged and penned animals, the event opened up and the approximately 3 zillion people waiting in line were allowed in.

This was the first one of these that I'd gone to, so I wasn't really sure what to expect. Beer and food I guess. That's what the flyers said.

Funny how the flyers didn't mention the incredibly long lines and the nearly total lack of places to sit.

You got this little 4 oz. tasting cup with your admission, and this ended up being the root of the problem I had with the event.

I'd wait in line for an eternity, get my little beer sample, and it'd be gone in about 2 minutes. Then I'd get in another line and repeat.

So I ended up drinking just three beers at the Zoo. The first was a Bell's Porter (64), which I've had before.

Next I had this:

Broad Ripple Stout (4)

(draft) I think there was something wrong with this beer. It actually tasted skunked. I hope it didn't taste this way on purpose.

And then this:

Bluegrass Smokey the Beer (4)

(draft) First off, what a stupid name. Secondly, I could detect no smoke in this beer, either in the aroma or in the flavor. Just an intense roasted malt flavor. Not very good, but I once said the same thing about their regular porter, so I will try this again someday.

After this third beer I walked over to another tent, but when I saw how long the line was for the Cumberland Brewery I just kept walking all the way to my car.

After a nap I went to Rich O's.

You know, this is boring me to death, writing about last night.

I had myself a Delirium Tremens (317) and then a Baltika "6" Porter (100). Nobody interesting was there and I came home fairly early.

Here are the pictures I took at the Louisville Zoo yesterday before the Brew at the Zoo thingy started.

Please keep in mind that I'm not a professional nature photographer.

The other day, on the way to Rich O's, I found myself thinking about someone.

Someone else.

I found myself thinking about someone else!

Now to anyone that knows me, either personally or through reading this 'blog for anything more than a few months, this probably comes as a big shock.

I know it came as a big huge ginormous shock to me.

Shit, for over a year and a half, there was only one person that I thought about as I went to Rich O's. At first I'd hope she'd be there. After a while I'd hope that her ghost would be there. Then I started hoping that she wouldn't be there.

Rich O's had become, because that's where we met, and because that's where we became whatever the fuck we became, and because that's where I missed her the most, Rich O's had become pretty much synonymous with her.

Until the other day, when I found myself hoping that someone else would be there.

I'll say it again because it feels so good to say it.

Someone else!

Some of you are probably, right now as you're reading this, trying to figure out just who I mean. Some of you already have a theory, I'm sure. You're probably wrong, and I'm not going to say who it is. It doesn't matter, and I'm not going to repeat every mistake I've ever made. I'm capable of learning from my mistakes. Really.

The point I want to make is - it doesn't matter who it is, just that it's not....

Well, everyone knows who it's not.

This is a huge fucking deal! Not that I chose this particular person to think about, but that I finally became capable of choosing anyone at all. It was never a choice before. At least not a conscious one.

Like everything else, I don't expect this to last. I know that my heart will slip back into its comfort zone eventually.

It's like the changing seasons. You have some warm days and some cold days and then eventually Summer is upon you, and Winter is over. I know that more cold days are coming, but maybe, just maybe, this long Winter is finally coming to an end.

I ended up, as directed, going to Bloomington yesterday. I actually took a half day of vacation so I could get there early. This ended up being a good thing, but I'll get to that later.

During the drive up I ping-ponged between two thoughts.

First, I was a little excited to be doing this spur of the moment thing and following the sign I'd imagined getting on Thursday. I had no idea what to expect in Bloomington, but I figured it must be something interesting or I wouldn't have been led up there.

Second, I felt a little silly. I was basically driving up there because a coaster had told me to. I was also a little afraid that maybe I was missing something exciting and/or interesting at Rich O's. Of course maybe that's what the coaster was really trying to do - just keep me away from Rich O's for the night.

Those coasters, you never really know what they're trying to accomplish. They're sneaky and mysterious.

The first thing I did after I got to Bloomington was get a hold of my niece so I could check out her new dorm room. Here's a pic:

Next I went over to the Upland Taproom. Here's another pic:

It's a smaller place than I'd imagined. It was also quite crowded especially when you consider I got there at 6:00. I noted the complete lack of a smoking section and grabbed a seat at the bar.

I told the bartender that I was looking to taste some beers and that the first thing I wanted to taste was their Chocolate stout. So she poured me a little sampler glass (4) before I could stop her. I drained that and asked for a 12 oz. glass.

Upland Chocolate Stout (16)

(draft) Incredible head and lacing. Had a strong coffee aroma but the flavor was an incredible blend of both coffee and chocolate. Very creamy and very yummy.

Upland Bad Elmers Porter (32)

(draft) Had a very strong roasted malt aroma. The flavor was quite nice with roasted malt and a mild chocolate. A dry finish that made me want to take another drink right away.

(draft) Very fizzy but sweet. A mild banana aroma and flavor. Mouthfeel was fizzy wheat. There was a slight tartness to the finish. I liked this, but I've had better dunkels.

I'd actually drank, and rated, the Porter before, but I went ahead and updated my old rating because I like to think that my palate is a little more sophisticated now than it was back then.

During the time I was drinking my beers I found myself looking around, trying to figure out just what I was doing up there. The place was completely packed, but everyone was with their own little group. The only person I really talked to was the bartender.

By the time I'd had my three beers it was only about 6:45. This is something I've noticed each time I've gone into a non-smoking bar. I drink a lot faster. Now some people might consider this to be a good thing but I'm such a lightweight that all it means to me is that my nights end early.

I ended up having a final Chocolate Stout (28) and starting back towards home a little after 7:00.

By the time I got back to New Albany it was only 10:30 so I (of course) went to Rich O's. I ordered a Smithwick's (460) and was just settling down on the sofa when something cool happened.

My friend Eric and his wife Terri came in!

So what had been slight disappointment from not having anything exciting happen in Bloomington turned into a pretty good mood by the end of the night.

Man, I've written this long rambling entry and I'm going to stop now. Nobody reads this far anyway.

Back in May, I had a bit of a physic episode.

Today I had something similar.

I'd been trying to think of something to do over the next couple of weekends. My somewhat limited budget (property taxes and vehicle registrations) are going to limit my choices severely.

So I got to thinking about maybe going to Bloomington Indiana and to the Upland Taproom there.

I was still thinking about it when I got to Rich O's after work and saw that the Weihenstephaner coasters which had been there for a couple of months had been replaced by these:

Whoa.

If that's not a sign then I don't know what is.

I'm going to try to make it up there tomorrow night. If I don't then it'll have to be next weekend because I have this Brew at the Zoo thingy that I'm going to in Louisville on Saturday.

I'm going back to Las Vegas in December! I'm quite excited about this because I'd thought that my trip there this past May would be my only one this year.

I didn't say that it would be a long entry.

I've said it before. It's hard to think of something to write when I'm in a good mood.

Today, I'm in a good mood. Knowing this, you may be able to deduce that I'm having a hard time thinking of something to write about.

No shit, Sherlock.

Oh, I could just write about why I'm in a good mood. That would be a hoot, I'm sure. But then people would start PMing me and calling me an asshole and telling me how stupid and immature I am...

I already know all that stuff. So I'm not going to say why I'm in a good mood.

What I'll do instead, and this has become my standard fallback method when I can't think of anything better to write about, is I'll write about my weekly horoscope from Free Will Astrology:

Dave, You don't need to know how your computer and car work in order to use them. Their inner workings may be unfathomable to you, Dave, but that doesn't matter as long as you benefit from what they do for you. Let's apply that same principle to a certain relationship that is perplexing you, you nitwit. Dave, You obviously get something out of your alliance with this person, since you've chosen not to leave it. Yet you seem bothered by the fact that you can't figure out what you are to each other and where you're supposed to go next. My advice to you, Dave? For now, stop trying to understand it. Just surrender to the fruitful mystery. Simply let your connection perform its enigmatic magic, Dave.

I was actually thinking along very similar lines the other night. No, really. I was. I do have thoughts every now and then. No, really. I do.

Too often we seem to have this need to explain every little twist and turn in our lives and in our emotions. The only good mystery is a solved mystery. The only good predicament is one that we've already wormed ourselves out of. The only good emotion is one that's been analyzed and categorized and just basically had all of the life sucked right out of it.

"Bullshit!" I say.

Talking with my friend the other night, I could almost hear the gears turning away in her head as she tried valiantly to make some sense of what I was telling her. I'd say something, and her head would shake. I'd say something else, and her eyes would roll back in her head. I'd answer one of her questions, and her hand would fly into the air.

I may as well have been speaking gibberish to her. Nothing made any sense.

And I say that this is a good thing.

Look at all of the shit I've put myself through in the past year. If I'd figured it all out back when it first started - how much fun would that have been? How much interest would this 'blog have generated?

The answers to both questions are: Not very fucking much.

I sit here and I write about how much I want answers to my questions, but the truth is that I like being confused. I enjoy being kept in the dark about what's going on. If I knew everything, then my life would be boring, and I don't want to go back to being bored with life.

It took an awfully long time for me to find something interesting. I'm not ready to lose that mystery just yet.

People are always asking me, "Dave, you're so fucking retarded. Have you ever done anything even remotely intelligent in your entire miserable life?"

I used to answer this with a simple "Duhhhhhhhhhhh" but lately I've been able to point out that on 6/19/2005 I did indeed do something smart.

Five little words.

Is that what I want to end this with?

Not.

Will I do anything about it?

Not.