So I've got this car. I love this car. I've always spared no expense in keeping it running and looking its best.

I never drive it in the rain. I wash it almost every time I take it out. There is never a speck of trash in the thing.

I take such good care of the car that - I'm scared to drive it lest I damage it somehow.

I'm so afraid of getting a door ding in it that I keep it garaged and only put 100 miles or so on it every year.

I'm so afraid of screwing it up that I get almost no enjoyment out of it.

I'm so paranoid about driving it that I ended up letting it sit and get chewed on by mice all Winter.

What's the sense in having something if you can't allow yourself to enjoy it, and use it for what it's meant for?

If it's not used then it's just going to deteriorate.

I've said before, sometimes life provides its own metaphors. This is a good one.

The purpose of having a nice car is to drive it, enjoy it. Even though there's always a risk of damaging it. To have a nice car that only sits in the garage is a waste.

I've resolved to enjoy my Monte Carlo. To risk the door dings. To let it do what it's meant to do. To be driven.

But the car is just a metaphor. The real question is...

Now that I finally have a functioning heart again, shouldn't I be willing to take the same chances with it?

Wouldn't it be worth the risk?

Perhaps, (back to the metaphor here, try and keep up) but what if it wasn't such a nice car?

What if it was a piece of shit?

What if, by taking this car out on the road, I was endangering the lives of innocent people?

Not so clear now, is it?

Tonight I took it fairly easy on the beer.

I drove my Monte Carlo to Rich O's and decided that it was probably more of a cop magnet than my truck or my Intrepid so all I drank was a draft Mad Bitch and then a couple bottles of Newcastle.

I spent the bulk of the evening talking with ExBartender about shit that I've been going through and lessons I've learned. The guy is a damn good listener and, after several threats, I managed to convince him to resist his urge to try to help.

I hope.

The thing is, the situation is not broken, so it doesn't need fixing. Things are as they are. They are good, they are bad, they are all things in between. There is balance, there is acceptance, there is resolve.

I'm pretty sure I managed to drive those points into his head.

I hope.

Another thing I did tonight was try to call TrainGirl to make sure she'd heard the news about MiddleNameGuy. I ended up leaving her a voice mail, saying I didn't want her to hear about it in that format so she should call me.

She ended up calling later but I didn't notice my phone ringing so I missed the call.

Now I'm realizing that if she reads this 'blog she definitely knows the news already.

For rodent control in the detached garage, what I ended up buying was a couple of these electric doohickeys that are supposed to keep pests away through some nerve irritation or some such.

Just in case they don't work, I also bought a catch-and-release mouse trap.

I figure that if I catch mice in the trap then the electronic doohickeys aren't working and I may have to move on to more drastic measures.

(response to message)

I seem to keep responding to my private messages in this public 'blog. I've been trying to control that urge, but this one is pretty harmless I think.

I actually saw the search string for Polly's Freeze show up in my server logs. I was a little curious when I saw the Oklahoma IP address - thought it might be Brian or Teresa or Marty - I have no idea where they are these days.

I certainly remember you guys. I bought a lot of t-shirts from your dad, and Eric and I were probably not as nice to you kids as we should have been.

We called you Moical and Wobbie. Which one are you?

Oh, and I should probably point out that Dina is my younger sister. You have to be careful about accusing a woman of being older than 40 when she's actually still in her 30s.

I understand that when they used your old house for Fire Department training it was quite a sight. I'd liked to have seen it, but it probably would have been a little sad as well.

(Update: Apparently you are Moical. Donna told me that she thinks Wobbie is still around this area. Hi Moical!)

Got my Monte Carlo back yesterday.

I had all of the necessary repairs done except for new mufflers and tailpipes. Those can wait until later in the Summer.

So I spent $1500 because I didn't condition the gas before I let the car sit all winter and because I didn't do anything to control the mice in the garage.

So today I'm taking the Monte Carlo out to buy some poison or some traps or something. I may find something that will just keep them from getting into the car. I'd prefer that to killing the poor things.

We shall see.

The car is running great though.

Last night, I didn't even leave my house until nearly 10:00 because a half-hour process for work turned into a two-hour one. The person that had made the error is also the person that caught it, and found the solution for it, so that was cool. Eventually.

I'd been planning to meet up with RealTrainGirl and MisunderstoodGirl, but by the time I left home they had already migrated to another bar - one that I didn't want to go to - so I told them I was just going to Rich O's.

I probably would have been better off at the other bar.

Rich O's is, as I'd feared, out of Noble Smoker. I ended up having an NABC Bourbondaddy and after that the place was SO LOUD that I couldn't even hear myself think so I left at about 11:30 and went to wait for OutOfTheBlueGirl to get off work.

We ended up going down to Caesars and hanging out there for a while. It was pretty good to see her again.

This morning I overslept and I had two funerals I was supposed to go to and I'm not going to make it to either of them.

There should be more people named Adam.

A few years ago my friend Eric and his wife named their new baby Adam, and it took me a long time to remember the kid's name. I just kept getting it wrong.

Now that I've finally got Adam's name commited to memory, I keep messing up everyone else's names.

And whenever I confuse a person's name, I invariably end up calling them Adam.

I don't know why.

I wish Eric and Terri had named their son Dude, then I wouldn't seem like (as much of) an idiot calling people Dude all the time.

The other day in this 'blog I mentioned that MiddleNameGuy had been proven to be full of shit.

Then on Wednesday I was talking about that with my friends.

Last night RealTrainGirl called me and told me that the guy was dead. He'd died a few days ago.

He was like 24 or something.

I was irritated with him, but he was still pretty cool.

And of course now I feel bad for talking shit about him.

Yet another exciting day. Not.

This morning I awakened with the very vivid, very disturbing, memory of a dream I'd been having. Without getting too specific I'll just say "ewwww" and hope I don't have that dream again.

Today was the last day I have to wear a tie to work until September. I'm very excited about going to business casual dress for the Summer.

My intentions for VigilanteGirl remain less than honorable. As do her's for me, I hope. Too much drama otherwise.

My niece Bethany is graduating from high school next month. I'm mildly freaked out about it.

The problem with the Spring in Southern Indiana is that it's almost impossible to mow your lawn every week. Between last weekend's near-freezing weather and this weekend's rain my own lawn looks like it will go at least three weeks without a mowing.

Got a fairly firm estimate on my car repairs today. To fix everything it will cost $2160 plus tax. Ouch.

Today was rugrat day at work.

I think I know who was sending all the hateful messages to me last Fall. If I'm right, I have decided to forgive the person.

Man I'm bored.

I've mentioned before some of the sick/funny/strange search strings that lead people to my site.

I've put together a new page listing the gems.

I'll try to keep it updated as new weirdness comes along.