Last night a friend asked me what I wanted.

I don't remember how I answered. Probably with some bullshit cop-out.

Oh, I didn't lie, I just didn't quite tell the whole truth.

The fact is, what I want doesn't matter. It's irrelevant.

What does matter, what is relevant, is the sad truth that what I want stands in firm opposition to what is possible and what is right.

I think this is the case for most people most of the time. Really, how often do we get what we want?

I'm not talking about the little things. You want ice cream, you go get some. You want to sleep, you take a nap.

But start wanting to win the lottery, and things get a little tougher.

Start wanting things like everlasting happiness and love, and you'll probably be better off forking out the cash for those Powerball tickets.

My friend probably thinks I'm stupid. Stupid for finally knowing exactly what I want (something some people never do) but not fighting for it.

Maybe she's right. Maybe I am stupid. Maybe I'm just scared.

Hell, I'm sure that I'm both of those things, and quite a few other things as well.

But some things that I'm not are insensitive, or mean, or selfish. Fighting for what I want, when I know that it's not the right thing to do, that's just not in my nature.

Or maybe this is just another bullshit cop-out.

Okay, one of you women out there reading this - preferably not a relative or friend of mine.

Please e-mail or PM me. If you use the Say Something Dammit form at the side of this page you'll have to tell me what password you want, or I won't be able to respond.

I have a question about your species.

Thanks.

Well that was brilliant.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, good.

If you do know, pretend that you don't.

Thanks.

Made a slight change to the 'blog displays so clicking on the category name will bring up a search of all entries in that category.

Clicking some of the categories, like drink, will return a shitload of entries.

I should probably look at a way to limit the entries returned from a single search. Maybe display them in blocks of ten or so.

We'll see.

His strength has been slow in returning. His wounds are healed, but he knows that the scars will last a long time. He wanders aimlessly about this, his island, and reflects constantly how lucky he is to at least be alive - to at least be safe.

He doesn't see it coming.

The tsunami roars in from the West, and sweeps him back out to sea. Back to where he'd started.

The depths welcome his return. The depths are so beautiful.

He opens his mouth to laugh, and his lungs fill with water.

Back in February I did a little experiment.

Today (actually, yesterday) I tried another one.

For my after-work beer I had my usual NABC Noble Smoker. Once I had that glass down to about 1/2 full I ordered a 10oz. glass of NABC's Tunnel Vision and dumped it in with the Noble Smoker.

This experiement did not turn out as well as the previous one had.

I think, because the Noble Smoker is not as strongly-flavored as the Rogue Smoke was, a 1-to-1 ratio was probably not the best combination.

It was still good, but I think it would be better made with two parts Noble Smoker to one part Tunnel Vision.

Here are some pics I've cleaned off my phone.

It's kind of hard to tell from this picture, but that's WorldsHottestGirl sitting over there in the red room.

Just took this picture from the red room. This was the first time I'd ever sat at this table.

SpoonsGirl has a purse that exactly matches this lampshade. It's uncanny, really.

That's my house. Or at least what it looked like in the Spring of 2002.

Today I have a gray roof, and the clubhouse in the backyard is gone.

TerraServer USA

Had a bit of a snafu hit my Las Vegas plans today.

It turns out that Mandalay Bay will not, as advertised earlier, be holding rooms for those of us wanting to extend our stay beyond the conference end date. In fact, they're kicking us all out on the 17th as they've sold out their rooms.

They're also not able to accommodate any arrivals prior to the 15th for the same reason.

To make a long story short, this means that I needed to find rooms for the day before the conference and for the three days I'll be staying in Las Vegas after the conference ends.

So, get this. I'll arrive on the 14th and check into the Luxor. The very next day I'll repack my shit and move over to Mandalay Bay. Two days later I'll repack my shit again and move back to the Luxor and stay for three nights.

Pretty fucked up way to run a vacation.

You know how you're driving in the snow at night and the flakes all seem to be flying towards you in the illumination from your headlights and it's kind of chaotic and hypnotic at the same time?

Well, it's not a very accurate metaphor for what's going on with me right now, but I still thinks it's cool.

I'm taking a break.

Not a break from posting.

Just a break from posting anything interesting.

It won't be a long break - maybe a week at the most. And the good news (for me at least) is that I'll still be writing, and I'll probably post everything I've written once this break is over.

My reasons for this break are numerous:

1. Things are unraveling and reweaving at a pretty strong pace in my head and in my life right now. I don't want to post something only to have it made obsolete by the next thought I have or the next thing that happens. I need to have some time to edit and check for some semblance of continuity before I publish anything.

2. Right now, I'm the happiest I've been since November. I don't want to spoil this mood by ruminating on the various possibilities of what could happen this week.

3. Yay!

4. What's going to happen is, frankly, what's supposed to happen. I don't want to influence anything by making predictions or posting reactions until it's all over.

5. Some things are not anybody's business.

6. This will, one way or another, be the end of an era. I want anything I write about it to be both good and accurate. I'll need to take my time with these writings, and having a self-imposed daily deadline just won't do.

7. See number 4 above.

8. Yay!

9. I'm not the same person I was 6 months ago. I'm not even the same person I was 24 hours ago. I need to finish solidifying and then let the new me decide what should, and what should not be posted.

In the time between now and when things have settled down, I'll probably still be posting to this 'blog. I'll just be posting bullshit that, according to the latest polls, nobody cares about.

So, loyal readers, don't fret that I've become boring again, just hours after I'd finally posted something interesting. My life promises to be quite interesting for the next several days, and you'll be able to read about it later.

Just not right now. I've got a nervous breakdown to attend.