I'd better start freaking out now. Maybe that way I can avoid a total meltdown later.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

One of the downsides to having a 'blog that people know about is...that people know about it.

Sometimes they even read it.

Sometimes they read a 'blog, decide that the person doing the writing is vulnerable, rebounding, or whatever, and that's when they make their move.

Somebody just made their move on me.

If this had happened a couple of months ago, things would be different indeed.

But as things stand now all this has done is confuse the issues tumbling around in my head.

Must...not...write...

No...body's...business...

Want...a...beer.

I may as well cover all the bases. These are what I see to be my top ten assets, in no particular order.

1. I'll put myself through torture rather than hurt someone I care about. The other person is always first.

2. I'm almost painfully honest. If you ask me a question you should be prepared for the answer I give. I will keep my mouth shut rather than lie.

3. I'm pretty good at putting myself into others' shoes, at least as far as I know about what they're going through.

4. I get along well with just about everyone.

5. I'm pretty funny at times, even when it's just in my own head.

6. If I care about you, you need to hurt me pretty badly before I'll ever say anything about it. No sense in two people feeling bad, I figure.

7. I believe there's good in almost everyone, and I don't rely on first impressions. You almost always get more chances with me.

8. My interests are wide-ranging enough that I can carry on a conversation with just about anyone.

9. When I screw up I realize it pretty quickly and I will freely admit to, and apologize for, my mistakes.

10. I enjoy my own company, so I must not be that bad.

To continue the theme of the preceding entry, here are my top ten flaws. Actually, these are flaws as others might see them. To me, they're just part of being me. Again, these are in no particular order except the order I thought of them in.

1. My standards for female attractiveness are waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too high for someone like me.

2. I use my high standards in an attempt to keep myself out of relationships, and therefore somewhat safe from harm.

3. At times, I've forgotten that respecting others' privacy is more important than telling an interesting story.

4. I don't take rejection, even inferred rejection, very well at all.

5. I have a strong desire to be liked by everyone, and if I disagree with what someone is saying I'll often keep quiet rather than express my own opinion. Then I'll find someone who shares my opinion and talk about how stupid the first person is.

6. I'm not very good at trusting others. I'm the jealous type, but I'll usually just fume internally instead of saying anything.

7. I'm often so uncomfortable in large groups that I'll either avoid them or stay as far off to the side as far as I can. To me, Thanksgiving dinner is one of the worst forms of torture.

8. I tend to see only the best or the worst in things and people around me, depending on my current mood. I have a hard time seeing things as a whole. I'm an optimistic during good times and a pessimist in bad times.

9. I often imagine a person being a certain way, then when they turn out differently, I treat it like it was a personal affront.

10. I cannot take a hint if I don't like what the hint suggests. Even if the hints are coming from myself.

Some time ago I read a good entry in another journal about quirks.

I thought, at the time, that it would make an interesting entry here, but then I figured that it would be stupid.

Well now I'm quite bored, so here goes, my top ten quirks, in no particular order:

1. I hate mayonnaise. Can't stand the stuff. Can't stand the smell, the taste, or even the sight of it. A few years ago I skipped an entire holiday meal because someone had let mayonnaise touch the turkey.

2. Pickle Juice. See the entry for mayonnaise and multiply times ten.

3. If I meet another car at an intersection, and they have the right of way, I will wait until the end of time for them to proceed. I've been known to shut off my car and get out and play cards on my hood before I'd let some idiot who doesn't know any traffic rules out-polite me.

4. If I'm at a bar or a party or wherever, and I get bored, I'll just get up and leave. Only rarely do I even bother to say goodbye to anyone. This is one reason that I normally like to go places alone - no having to wait around for the other person.

5. If you try to make small talk with me within an hour after I wake up you'll be on my shitlist for at least a week. These damn people at work their good mornings and their whattups, they have no idea how much I loathe them in the mornings.

6. If I'm in a group of three or more people, I will almost always shut up and just listen to everyone else. I'm not sure that it's really a quirk, maybe just more of a trait.

7. Unless it's someone I'm really comfortable with, I like to keep a personal space radius of at least five feet at all times. With some people I need ten feet. With some people a thousand miles doesn't seem like enough.

8. I feel most like myself when I'm pining away for someone that's way out of my league.

9. The weirdest thing I ever experienced still freaks me out on a regular basis, and I cannot tell anyone because it was just too damn weird and the only witness was my ex-wife and everybody would figure that I just made the whole thing up.

10. I usually assume that everybody is stupid until they show me otherwise. It's not that I think I'm all that smart, I just think everyone else is a dumbass. I don't count this as a flaw because it doesn't affect how I treat people. Some of my best friends are dumbasses.

(Edited to add a bonus eleventh quirk that someone just reminded me of.)

11. I have this Goldilocks syndrome where I cannot stay comfortable in a bed. I spend my nights wandering between beds and sofas. When I am in a bed I flop around like a dying fish.

I'm just so damn mean.

In my head at least. To others I think I'm usually a pretty nice person.

But in my head...damn.

The things that pop into my head, usually when I'm trying to be funny, would no doubt be met with jaws agape and maybe even slaps were I to ever utter them out loud.

Not yet, but just wait a few years.

Man, that is just an awful thing to think...

Funny, but awful.

In my hung-over state I forgot to write about this Saturday occurrence.

When I first arrived at Rich O's, I walked to the bar to order my first beer and talk with CoffeeDude for a bit.

Before I'd got two feet inside the door this girl sitting at the bar just started freaking out.

That's him! That's the guy! He's right there! I can't believe it! Hey Dave, over here! How are you!

Finally, the recognition I deserved. She was waving and bouncing up and down and I wouldn't be surprised if she wet herself a little.

This moderately attractive (I like brunettes in glasses) girl was as happy to see me as anyone has ever been - even more so than WendysLady. The problem was, I didn't have the slightest idea who in the hell she was.

I scanned my memory of my slightly checkered past, and found nothing. She did look familiar but I just couldn't place who she was.

Well as it turned out, this girl was a friend of one of my sisters, and I had actually met her a couple of times before.

What got GlassesGirl so excited was that she had just been talking to someone about my sister, and in particular my sister's Renaissance Faire obsession, when I walked in.

There I was, living proof that my sister existed and, by extension, proof that there really are people in the world that travel around trying to out-geek each other by dressing up in garb and saying aye and huzzah all the time.

When I was a kid, maybe eight or nine years old, the neighbors across the street had this dog for a while.

The dog would bark constantly, and Mr. Hill would beat the dog. Then the dog would start yelping, and Mr. Hill would beat the dog some more.

I couldn't do anything about it (I was just a kid after all) but I do remember that somebody called the police one time and eventually somebody came and took the dog away.

One thing that's really vivid in my memory is that, even though Mr. Hill would beat the dog nearly every day, the dog would still get all excited and happy when Mr. Hill came home from work. He'd wag his tail so hard his whole body shook, and jump up against the truck door. He just couldn't wait for Mr. Hill to pay attention to him.

The dog had to know that he was going to be abused, but he didn't care. He still loved Mr. Hill and he seemed ever-hopeful that things would be different this time.

I remember hoping that the dog would fight back someday. Perhaps growl at Mr. Hill or maybe even bite him, but he never did.

That abuse was the only attention the dog ever got, and I supposed he had decided, in his little doggy mind, that if his purpose in life was to be a punching bag for Mr. Hill, then so be it. He'd be the bestest, most loyalest punching bag ever!

Even though I thought I understood what was going on in the dog's mind, I still thought it was pretty stupid. I knew I'd never let somebody abuse me like that. I knew I was smarter than a dog, after all!

Even if I can't fight back, I'm at least smart enough to run away.

Eventually.

Friday night sucked. The place was full of idiots that refused to move from the living room area. The only place to sit was the kiddie table, so I sat there and glared at the idiots while I drank first an NABC Tunnel Vision and then a Mad Bitch. I suppose the most interesting thing that happened was that one of the idiots ate an entire calzone, then he ate his girlfriend's calzone, then he ordered and ate an entire thing of lasagna.

Saturday night was much better. Rich O's was only moderately crowded and I was able to grab a seat on the couch pretty quickly.

I had a Robert the Bruce. I've had this before and I like it a lot. Next I had an Avery Old Jubilation, which tastes like a spiced ale to me (in a good way) but I'm told there's really no spice in it. Just a mix of hops. A pretty good beer though.

Throughout the night I spent much of my time feeling bad for a very cute, very unfortunately-named girl who was serving as a designated driver for her brother and another guy that may have been her boyfriend. The poor girl had to sit and watch her charges drink beer after beer and eat pretzel after pretzel while she wasn't offered a single thing. I tried to help ease her boredom by carrying on a mostly one-sided conversation.

I thought this was interesting. The boyfriend(?) has the same birthday that I do, and the unfortunately-named girl has the same birthday as my sister Dina.

Anyway, I should have stopped after the Avery, but I wasn't ready to leave, so I ordered a Tunnel Vision and only got about halfway through it before the alcohol timebomb inside me went off. I raced home and nuked some White Castles and then played pool all night.