What's nice, sometimes, is being able to just surrender. To stop worrying about things that are wrong or have gone wrong or could go wrong. To stop worrying about those things, maybe even forget about them for a while, and just surrender.

Perfect moments don't come along very often. Perfect nights, even less frequently. We all seek perfection, but we never find it. Instead, perfection finds us, when we least expect it.

Out of the ashes of despair can rise the phoenix of joy, or some shit like that.

I managed to surrender for a while. I managed to stop worrying for a while. And, when I did, perfection found me.

Happy Birthday to HatGirl!

HatGirl!

Yay!

I'm guessing that HatGirl was bored, so she sent me this. Well, I'm bored, so I'm answering these questions.

1. Do you like blue cheese salad dressing? Not so much. I like Italian dressing.

2. Have you ever smoked cigarettes? Duh.

3. Do you own a gun? I have some that I inherited from my dad. I probably wouldn't have any guns otherwise.

4. What's your favorite drink at Starbucks or other specialty coffee shop? I don't like coffee.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Not particularly.

6. What do you think of hot dogs? I like them over an open fire, with the outsides burnt black. Yummy.

7. Favorite Christmas song? I have no idea.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? A soda with caffiene.

9. Can you do push ups? Sure.

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? I suppose a watch, if that counts. If I ever get married again, then my wedding ring will be my favorite.

11. Favorite hobby? Shooting pool.

12. Do you have A.D.D? I've been distracted lately. For like the last five years. Does that count?

13. What's one trait that you dislike about yourself? I am perfect in every way. It irritates me.

14. Middle name? Shane.

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? You-know-who. You-know-who. You-know-who.

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Diet Pepsi, water, beer.

17. Current worry right now? Not being good enough.

18. Current hate right now? The dipshit.

19. Favorite place to be? I like Las Vegas.

20. How did you bring in the New Year? By myself, as usual.

21. Like to travel? I like to be in new places, but the actual traveling I can do without.

22. Name three people who will complete this? Nobody.

23. Do you own slippers? Yes. they look like a bear's feet.

24. What color shirt are you wearing? Light green.

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? I suppose.

26. Can you whistle? Only by inhaling. I've never figured out how to whistle by exhaling.

27. Favorite singer/band? I'm still on a David Gray kick.

28. Could you ever make it 39 days on the show Survivor? Sure.

29. What songs do you sing in the shower? Lord, I was born a rambling man, Nugget. Tryin' to make a living and doing the best I can, Nugget. And when it's time for leaving, I hope you'll understand, Nugget, that I was born a ramblin' man, Nugget.

Nugget is one of my cats, by the way.

30. Favorite girl's name? If I ever have a daughter, I'd like to name her Launa after my mom.

31. Favorite boy's name? I don't think I care, as long as it's not Trevor.

32. What's in your pocket right now? My rock.

33. Last thing that made you laugh? An accidental game of footsie.

35. Worst injury you've ever had? When this one whore tried to cut my arm off.

36. Do you love where you live? It's okay, I suppose.

37. How many TVs do you have in your house? About 6.

38. Who is your loudest friend? TremensGirl or OddlyFamiliarGirl.

40. Does someone have a crush on you? A few people, I think.

41. What is your favorite book? I think it's The Time Traveler's Wife.

42. What is your favorite candy? Peanut Butter Twix.

43. Favorite sports team? I don't really care these days, but I used to be a big Seattle Mariners fan.

44. What were you doing 12 AM last night? I was just about to come home for some stupid reason.

45. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up today? WTF?

After I got home Friday, I attempted to take a nap. That attempt, of course, failed. By then, I figured, I'd had about eight hours of sleep since the previous Saturday morning.

Yes, I was tired. Thanks for asking.

But I guess I must have hit some kind of wall, like long-distance runners always talk about. I reached a certain point of exhaustion, and not only did it not get any worse, it actually got a little better.

So I was dicking around on my computer, catching up on some of the reading that I'd let lapse during The Week Of Hell. I clicked over to the blog of MrPopular, and saw this entry.

For those of you who didn't feel like clicking, it has a mention about how this dude Mike was selling some bottled overstock and such. But even more interesting than what it says now it what it used to say.

It used to say that the items for sale included some bottles of Alaskan Smoked Porter.

It used to say that, and it doesn't anymore, because of me.

Now, I happened to be wearing pants when I read that Alaskan Smoked Porter was for sale. So the Rich O's crowd was spared the thrill disgust of seeing me run into the place as God might have intended. Not sure that a little public nudity would have made much of a difference, though, as I broke every traffic law known to man getting down there. I think that the trip that normally takes 15 minutes took about 15 seconds.

See, MrPopular has been sitting on these bottles (not literally sitting, I don't think) for a very long time. Every now and then I'd hear rumors about them, but rumors were all they were. Rich O's used to sell Alaskan Smoked Porter, but it's been years since that happened. I could, and did, have that lovely beer every time I went to Las Vegas, but even that luxury had been unavailable for over a year.

So I was excited. And I was also quite fearful that I'd be too late. That it would all be sold before I got there. That's why I broke all those traffic laws, and that's why it was probably a good thing that I was wearing pants when I read about the sale.

What ended up happening was that this server dude and I spent a few minutes looking for that Mike dude. Then, when we found him, I bought every bottle of Alaskan Smoked Porter there was.

Fifteen bottles of ebony ambrosia.

It's out there in my beer fridge now. That crappy dirty old refrigerator. Never before has it served such a noble purpose.

Those beers call to me. I estimate that, if I limit my intake to special occasions, I can probably make those bottles last a year.

But tonight I'm going to have one. As soon as I post this entry I'm going to sit in my detached garage and I'm going to have one.

"What's the special occasion?" you might ask.

It's quite simple, really.

I have fucking Alaskan Smoked Porter, and if that's not special then I don't know what is.

UPDATE: Fucking yummy! The only thing that could have made this beer taste better would have been if I'd been sharing it with her.

I'm awake again.

I got about three hours of sleep, this time, before I awoke drowning in this flood of reality. Gasping for air that's forever out of reach, so that I might be able to scream for help that's forever out of range.

This is so hard. I'm so tired. Waiting for rescue that's never going to come.

Spending this morning looking for Las Vegas trips for tomorrow night.

Surprisingly, the cost wouldn't be that great. But I'm stuck when trying to find reasonable arrival and departure times for my flights.

Oh, well. It might be nice, but it's just plan C anyway. And I'm sure I'd end up feeling guilty for some bizarre reason.