Once upon a time, a wise man wrote, "One of the fun things about being a crazy person is that I get to fool myself into thinking that good things might happen."

That wise man was, of course, my lovely self. I wrote that statement back in January 2007, about something completely stupid and irrelevant, but the truth of that sentence has withstood the test of time since then.

Like today, I made a casual mention of next Thursday. Then, later, I made another casual mention, in an email this time, of next Thursday. Now, I have zero idea what's going to happen nine days from now, but I'm not going to let that stop me from enjoying the fun I'm currently having.

I'm imagining the perfect day, and fooling myself into thinking that some of the good things I'm imagining might actually happen.

It's fun, sometimes, being crazy. Much better than facing reality all the time.

Work yesterday was fun. I'm on-call this week, and all hell broke loose Sunday and spilled over into Monday. I like dealing with technical problems like that. Much more fun than shuffling paperwork all the time.

Then I had a good evening. Of course I had a good evening. That which had been missing from my life, it was back. So that was cool.

Then all hell broke loose at work again, and I had to deal with that. It wasn't as much fun as it had been earlier.

Anyway, to review:

Pizza Hut Meaty Marinara = tastes like Chef Boyardee.
Schlenkerla Marzen (6396) = yummy.
Barley Island Barfly (170) = good.
Harpoon Winter Warmer (254) = yummy.

I'm kinda irritated right now. Big huge shock, right?

I'm irritated, as usual, with myself. And maybe with Everyone on Earth, but mostly myself.

It seems that Everyone on Earth has opinions. Can't really fault them for that, but what I can fault them for is that they seem determined to have opinions that are in direct opposition with the opinions I want them to have.

And, not only that, they're actually starting to sway me. They're actually starting to make me lose hope that things will ever get any better. They're actually starting to make me question whether I'm wasting my time or not. Whether I'm wasting my heart or not.

What right does Everyone on Earth have to pry my eyes open like this? I was doing perfectly well, groping around in the dark.

But it's my own damn fault. I might have to hear the things that Everyone on Earth keeps saying, but I don't have to listen.

I need to stop listening. No good will come from listening.

I wasn't even going to write about Saturday night. The entry would have seemed like a copy/paste of Friday, but there were some differences.

Instead of standing at the bar talking to ActualGeorge, I stood in the annex and talked to MusicalYuppieDude. He also wasn't quite as sure of my retardation as ActualGeorge had been Friday.

When I first got to Rich O's, there were about a dozen hot girls in the red room. So that was nice, I guess.

The place wasn't nearly as crowded as it had been Friday night.

After I left Rich O's, I went over to Louisville to see WeirdGirl for a bit. She was having some kind of crisis, but it must not have been too bad because she wanted to go bar-hopping and partying all night. I came home instead.

Those were the differences. The main thing that was the same was that I had three more glasses of Schlenkerla Marzen (6379) while I was at Rich O's.

Meanwhile, my refrigerator is broken.

Had a million things to do yesterday, so I ended up taking a half-day off work. And I managed to get everything done, mainly I think because HatGirl was sick and had to cancel our lunch date.

Last night I was in a pretty crappy mood, and I felt like I needed to share my crappy mood with other people, so I went to Rich O's at 7:30 or so. The place was pretty packed, both because it was a Friday night and because they were having some thingy out in the special people room. I don't know what that was all about, and I don't care.

At first I sat on the sofa, but as soon as TallLady left I moved to the throne. I had myself a Schlenkerla Marzen (6294) and talked to OtherDave and some other people. Oh yeah, StoreGirl was there. Hadn't seen her in months. So that was nice.

Then MusicalYuppieDude and WeatherGirl came in. It sucked that it was so crowded. I really wanted to talk to WeatherGirl because she's one of the people taking my side about this whole mess I use for a life. But the living room area was packed. I did try to get them to come and sit at the kiddie table, but they didn't, and then some weirdoes sat there instead.

I had a nice text-messaging conversation with HatGirl. She was still feeling a little icky, and declined my offer of free beer if she'd drag her ass to Rich O's. HatGirl is another person who's definitely on my side.

After a while, I got really claustrophobic, so I picked up my shit and moved to the end of the bar. Pretty much spent the rest of the night there, drinking a couple more glasses of Marzen (6328) and listening to ActualGeorge tell me that I'm retarded. Like I didn't already know that.

Once the thingy in the special people room was over, Rich O's proper got even more crowded. Part of the crowd was some photographer. I got to talking to him for a bit. He was there taking pictures for some website. I got him to take a bunch of pictures of me and StoreGirl - she being the only person I know who's more camera shy than I am.

Then I went back and let ActualGeorge tell me that I'm wasting my time for a while. I disagreed with that particular sentiment. Then at 11:30 or so I went to White Castle then came home.

I absolutely did not forget.

Happy anniversary, sweet girl.

Tuesday night seems like such a long time ago, but I'm going to try to write something, and Tuesday night would be a good place to start, I suppose.

The entire day pretty much sucked, what with my cat dying and all. I also didn't get to see her at all, and even email contact ended abruptly at 5:30.

So, I went to Rich O's. On a Tuesday night. Weird, I know.

At first I sat in the throne, but people kept trying to talk to me, so I moved to the island once it had been vacated. I had a Schlenkerla Marzen (6193) and a little pizza. I did my best to hold myself together, and I suppose I did okay for a while.

Then people came and joined me at the island and started talking to me. Being too unmotivated to pick up my shit and move again, I stayed put where I was.

Oh, and by people I mean ElPresidente and FirstLady, though some other people stopped by from time to time. I spent most of the next four hours talking to ElPresidente - a conversation which can be summed-up as follows:

ElPresidente: You're still whining about that?

Me: Yes. Yes I am.

ElPresidente: Idiot.

And so it went. But it was still lots better than going home and having to watch my remaining cats search in vain for their missing friend. And I even had another Marzen (6210) to help take the edge off things.

Wednesday was, by my estimation, a million-bazillion times better. I was still sad about Happy, of course, but I found myself a very nice distraction. I didn't get to eat lunch, but I got to see her and play Santa Claus to her son, so it was a very fair trade.

After work I went back to Rich O's. I had myself a Rogue Hazelnut Brown Nectar (243), then I bought a growler of it to take with me. For the second time in only a few hours, I got to be distracted from this bullshit I use for a life. We had this alfredo stuff from Pizza Hut that I thought was very good. We each had a couple glasses of the Rogue (273).

Then on the way home I stopped at Rich O's again. I had a Marzen (6227) and had a nice little email conversation. I also had a nice actual conversation with OddlyFamiliarGirl, who surprised me by still being alive.

OddlyFamiliarGirl said some very nice things to me, and made me feel like an actual decent person. So that was nice of her.

Anyway, then I came home and successfully avoided calling out Happy's name when I walked in the door.

Yesterday I was going to write a long entry about my dead cat. I didn't write that entry, though someday I might. Also yesterday I wanted to write something about my dad. Yesterday was the 10th anniversary of his death. I didn't write that entry either.

Truth is, there's still only one thing on my mind these days. I am consumed by it, but I can't write about it.

Sucks to be me.

The call was a strange one. Not that the situation could ever be considered normal. Not by me, anyway. The vet probably makes calls like that a lot.

She got the results from Happy's blood tests. Not good. His kidneys were almost completely failed. He'd lost almost eight pounds since he was last weighed in September. And most of that weight loss was muscle mass. He was not diabetic, and his condition wasn't contagious to my other cats.

There wasn't any hope for long-term survival - that's pretty much what she told me.

Then she told me that he'd gone into cardiac arrest and died this morning when they were treating him.

Seems to me that she could have told me that in the first place.

I'm really not trying to be funny. It's just that this is going to hit me pretty hard before too long, and I wanted to write something before I lost my mind.

It would have been eleven years, on New Year's Eve. That's not nearly long enough.

Well my cat's appointment has been pushed back to 11:45, and he's sleeping at my feet. So now I've got an extra hour to kill.

What to do? What to do?

Oh hey, I'll try to write something!

---

She keeps saying that I'm bored. Not really accusing me, more like, "I'm sorry you're bored, Dave."

Like it's a foregone conclusion.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Hmm, let's see what the opposite of bored is.

Encarta says it's fascinated. Sounds good to me.

And Thesaurus.com lists exhilarated, excited, interested, and enthusiastic.

Not sure I like those antonyms that much. They make it seem like the opposite of boredom is always a good thing. I mean, if you're on a plane that's crashing, you're probably not bored. But are you enthusiastic? Or if, like me, you're taking your beloved pet to the vet, and you're afraid that you're going to have to have him put to sleep, you're probably not bored, but are you excited?

I doubt it, unless you're even more weird than I am.

I have some words that I think of when she says that I'm bored. I think that I'm enthralled and mezmerized, or sometimes I might go with dispirited or pessimistic.

But not bored. Never bored.