Avery The Reverend: 22
Delirium Tremens: 22.4
Newcastle: 24
Me: 0

And I'm done.

Thanks to those of you who put up with me tonight.

It was fun.

Avery The Reverend: 22
Delirium Tremens: 22.4
Newcastle: 16
Me: 0

Sometimes, sometimes I ask myself, What was I afraid of? What held me back? What was the worst thing that could have happened?

Then, if I think about it enough and if I'm honest enough with myself, I remember what could have happened. What almost happened, if I'm to believe the things that I've heard.

That worst thing, that disaster which I'd struggled so hard to prevent - that thing was right in front of me. I was staring right at it. But I didn't care, not anymore. I was tired of fighting it. I took that step forward...

...and I stepped off a cliff.

That was pretty lucky, I think. That cliff being there.

Avery The Reverend: 22
Delirium Tremens: 22.4
Newcastle: 9
Me: 0

...something happened. Actually a lot of stuff happened.

I can't and/or won't really write about it though. Except to say that it was good.

Life is good. For now.

In the morning, I'll wake up. In more ways than one.

I'm not looking forward to it.

Avery The Reverend: 22
Delirium Tremens: 22.4
Me: 0

You know what I want?

You know that thing which, if you strip away all of the polishes and all of the veneers and all of the stains, that thing which I still want more than I've ever wanted anything in my entire life?

You know what that thing is?

If you know, would you please tell me. Because I don't have a fucking clue.

All I know is that this isn't it.

Not even close.

Also, I'm switching to Newcastle now. I'm fresh out of belgians.

Avery The Reverend: 22
Delirium Tremens: 14
Me: 0

Reese Witherspoon is hot.

Not all the time.

Like I didn't think she was that great in Cruel Intentions. Sarah Michelle Gellar was about a zillion times hotter than Reese Witherspoon in that movie.

But Reese is still hot sometimes.

Like in Sweet Home Alabama.

My fucking hosting company has decided that it would be funny to have my email break.

Again.

Avery The Reverend: 22
Delirium Tremens: 11.2
Me: 0

What's wrong with you?

This does not compute.

Maybe you're gay.

I bet that's it.

I can't think of any other reason.

Avery The Reverend: 22
Delirium Tremens: 6.2
Me: 0

You know what pisses me off?

When people tell me that he seems like a pretty nice guy.

Here's a news flash for you fuckers: I'm a pretty fucking nice guy myself.

I'd much rather be told what an asshole he is. Because I know that I'm no match for that. But my niceness, my niceness I'll put up against anyone's.

There, I bet I'll regret writing this entry in the morning.

That didn't take as long as I'd thought it would.

So far:

Avery The Reverend: 22
Me: 0

These damn questions are still nagging at me though. I knew that one bottle, even a 22-ounce 10% bottle, wouldn't be enough to put these questions to rest for the night.

I wonder, how many senseless entries I can post before I finally, mercifully, stop?

I wonder, can I keep them senseless, or will I'll write something that I'll regret?

So tomorrow is an anniversary of sorts.

One of the few good ones.

After tomorrow, they'll all suck until December.

Reminders of death and desertion and deception and denial are what the Fall brings to me, but tomorrow is still Summer.

A wise man once asked, What is it about anniversaries? They really, when you think about it, hold no meaning at all. Whatever they signify, it's not happening now - it happened a year ago, or ten years ago. Whatever. Why should a date on a calendar receive special merit just because something once happened on that same date in the past?

I don't know why anniversaries get special attention, but sometimes I'm glad that they do. I'm glad that she remembers what tomorrow is.

Our anniversary.