Well that was a crappy excuse for a nap. Nothing but bad dreams.

One of my friends got some shit at work for being openly gay. That's pretty fucked up. She's worked there for 10 years, and that's what I advised her to point out in response. I hate small-minded people.

Speaking of A/C, it's stopped working in my Intrepid. It was a very nice couple of weeks though. I'm supposed to take it back to the same garage tomorrow or Thursday so they can try something more permanent.

For the second day in a row, I forgot to switch my A/C back on when I left for work. This, of course sucks. It's 92 degrees in my house right now.

Also, if you're on fire, and someone throws gasoline on you, it doesn't really make that much difference. But if somebody spits in your face while your standing there burning, that's just adding insult to injury. Unless they spit a lot. Like enough to douse some of the flames. But you probably shouldn't get your hopes up for that happening.

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this. I just want to get it written out before it follows all of my other thoughts into oblivion.

A wise man, my lovely self in fact, once wrote, I'd rather face one large problem, even a huge problem, than a thousand tiny nuisances.

This was the second reason I listed back in February in an attempt to explain myself to myself. I'd decided to uncork a bottle that had never really been completely sealed. There were seven reasons total.

Anyway, and this is the part where I'm afraid I'll stop making any sense whatsoever, the gist was that if I went back to allowing that one thing to once again wash over me and control my emotions the way it was wont to do - then maybe I could stop being such a fucking whiny baby about everything else.

This worked for quite a while. For over six months I was able to function more or less normally. Normally for me at least. I was able to ignore or at least blow off all of the little things that, up until February, had begun to eat away at my mood on a pretty regular basis. That one thing went back to what it did best, making my life a living hell, while everything else kind of faded into the background.

It was kind of like being on fire, and also being bitten by mosquitoes. No contest, right?

The problem was, the problem is, that I seem to have reached some sort of limit of what that one thing can do to me. I've maxed it out. No matter what I learn or hear or remember or deduce, the pain stays the same. I'd thought for a while that the pain was fading.

Wrong.

It wasn't fading at all, there was just no way it could increase. It was, is, maxed out.

So what happens then?

I'll tell you.

What happens then, what's happening right now, is that one thing has lost part of its ability to distract me from all the other bullshit. I mean, it can't get any worse, so I've become a little used to it. A little immune to it even. Meanwhile, all of those little nuisances, those mosquitoes, they're starting to make themselves felt again. And I'm starting to react. To swat at them.

For example:

I got stood up by a so-called friend several times in a row, and I lost it. I became quite angry and I didn't even wait for an explanation and I wrote a semi-scathing 'blog entry about it..

Another so-called friend became incapable of returning a call or a text message, and my feelings were hurt so badly that I deleted her number from my phone so that I'd never be tempted to contact, and then be hurt by, that person again. I actually did this twice.

Another so-called friend completely blew me off at the bar the other night, and I sulked about it for an entire weekend. This same person has also refused to link to my 'blog from her own for a very long time, and every time I go to her 'blog I'm reminded of this and it's like getting punched in the gut.

Fuck, it's gotten so bad that if I go to the bar and somebody doesn't happen to come in on that particular night, I take that as a direct reflection on me. It's about a thousand times worse if I get there and find out that one of my so-called friends has just left. I convince myself that people are avoiding me.

The thing is, none of these things are really a problem. They're just tiny little mosquitoes after all. They are nothing at all, especially when compared to that one thing that continues, unabated, to burn away at me.

I think I've lost my entire train of thought here. Basically, I'm being a baby. I'm complaining about piddly bullshit. I'm making mountains out of molehills.

I'm blaming other people for my sadness and my moodiness when the one person who should be blamed is still my lovely self, just as it's always been.

Fuck, no wonder I'm alienating everyone around me.

I'm so damn impulsive.

This morning, after receiving what must have been the 100th SPAM from The Luxor in Las Vegas telling me about their great deals for August, I finally caved and booked myself a trip.

Yay!

So I'll fly there on August 20th and return on August 25th.

This trip is all personal. There is no conference to intrude into my busy drinking and gambling and sightseeing schedule.

It will rock!

Now I get to be excited about life for a while, so fuck off, world. You can't keep a good man down forever.

More detailed information for stalkers will be posted as my plans for that week solidify.

Figured I'd clean out some of the pictures on my phone.

This was a couple of weeks ago, when we all wondered if we were going to die. It's hard to tell from the picture, but a storm had gone through and left the sky an eerie purplish-brown. I went outside to check it out. With the sunset giving some context to that color it wasn't nearly as freaky.

This is just a smoldering hot girl that was at White Castle one night. She had brown hair and glasses. I was smitten.

One night, when nobody was looking, I hung a picture from DaveFest on the wall at Rich O's. I figured that none of the bartenders would be motivated enough to take it down. It's the picture on the left, and it's of me and SassyGirl.

Saturday they had this art thingy at Rich O's. This here was done by MisunderstoodGirl.

I just took a picture of this because I thought it was stupid. Maybe that's what the artist was going for.

This statue thingy reminded me of allaboutme's profile picture.