Wanting to do something, that doesn't make me a bad person.

Having to use every bit of restraint that I have left in me to keep from doing something, that doesn't make me a bad person either.

Nope, what makes me a bad person is that I will not allow myself to learn from this. Just as I've not allowed myself to learn from any of the dozen or so almost identical episodes.

What makes me a bad person is that I will not allow myself to simply be that which I claim to be. I have to be someone else. Someone tempted yet restrained.

Some kind of fucking martyr to my own desires.

Poor, poor me.

(continued)

Night two will begin shortly, after my jeans finish dewrinkling in the dryer.

I've decided that trying to describe, in order, everything that was said and done last night would be (a) hard, and (b) inaccurate, so I'm just going to list the highlights that I can think of and leave it at that.

My fourth beer was a yummy Newcastle (2000) and I'll once again take this opportunity to thank Roger for this treat.

Beer number five was a Delirium Tremens (503). This was the only strong beer I had all night.

My sixth beer was another frenchy one (230).

Remember, most of these beers were only 10-ounce pours. I paced myself very well.

Throughout the night, I had the opportunity to talk to several people on topics ranging from (a) who the fuck am I and why am I so special? to (b) does this mean that I'm buying all the beer?

EwokGirl's posse made me feel very special by hooting and hollering every time I walked past them going to or from the bathroom. Their chants of, "We're not worthy" really warmed my heart.

Shortly after Dina and Kenny left the clothing started coming off. I'm afraid that most of the remaining pictures (stored in SassyGirl's camera) will not be suitable for public viewing. One, in particular, was taken of me when one of my friends was molesting me. It will be interesting to see what she remembers.

Once the clothing went back on, HatGirl and LuckyFucker came in.

HatGirl!

Yay!

SassyGirl tells me that I've got to stop doing that whenever I write about HatGirl. Problem is, if I stop now then everyone will wonder if I'm angry or something. So I'll keep doing it.

At one point most of the girls went over to drink shots at Jack's. I stayed and talked with WomanRepellant for a while.

We ended up closing the place down.

I went to White Castle then came home.

(continued)

The first two arrivals besides myself were TallLady and UplandWheatDude. I sat in the throne and talked with them for a bit until the floodgates opened up and people started flocking to the area. Before too long, the scene looked like this:

Let's see, going from left to right: My sister Neisha's hand, UplandWheatDude, My lovely self, MisunderstoodGirl, my sister Dina, Dina's husband Kenny, DooRagGirl, SassyGirl, and TacoBell. Just off-camera to the left was GlassesGirl, and off-camera elsewhere were MusicalHippyDude, TallLady, HornDog, and Neisha's husband Chris.

Notably absent when this picture was taken were HatGirl and LuckyFucker. They didn't show up until later.

Oh yeah, and EwokGirl and her posse were all out sitting in the loser section:

My sisters and their husbands all feel left out because they don't have fancy nicknames. I've been giving this some thought, and so maybe they'll get some before too long. We'll see.

The biggest surprise of the night, for me, was definitely the appearance of MisunderstoodGirl, who has been absent from my life for over six months now. I was so excited to see her that I leaped out of my chair and pretty much threw myself at her.

Let's see, my second beer was a Goose Island Honkers Ale (94). It seemed a little flat to me.

A grand time was had by all I think. One of the reasons that Roger chose me for this honor is that my beer tastes aren't too extreme. So everyone was able to find something that they liked. Even Neisha.

My third beer was a Weihehstephaner Hefeweissbier (1001).

I'm having a tough time figuring out what to write here. I guess I'll think about it some more. I've got to go to Dina's wedding reception now anyway.

(to be continued)

The hard part about writing this will be remembering what the fuck I had to drink.

But wait!

I wrote it all down!

So I guess the next hardest thing will be remembering who all showed up.

But wait!

There are pictures!

Maybe the hard part will be writing something that does justice to how much fun I had. Especially since I don't have much time to write anything. I've got to go to my sister's wedding reception before too long.

Oh, and I must buy cat food first.

For my cats, not for the reception. How white-trash do you think we are?

I took a day of vacation Friday, mainly to make sure that I could get my sleep schedule back on track, but also to play the new Half Life 2: Episode One game. I managed both feats, so it was worth it.

I left my house at about 5:30 and stopped by GasNStuff for some provisions.

VigilanteGirl was there!

Yay!

I hadn't seen her since she left for her new job, and I actually hadn't seen too much of her in the weeks before that. She's as pretty as ever. I invited her to DaveFest though I knew very well that she wouldn't come. It was nice to see her though.

Went to Wendy's for dinner, passing up the haunted Burger King because I didn't want my mood to be spoiled. Plus, I like Wendy's. So there.

I got to Rich O's very early for me, at a little after 6:00. My first evidence that this whole thing is real and not some kind of sick joke was the front door:

They probably scared some customers away with that sign.

The next evidence came in the form of the beer board:

The DaveFest beers are the ones with the logo next to their listings.

Finally, this is the sign that announced that the living room area was reserved for me and my group:

Now, having 10 of my favorite beers on tap at the same time presents a bit of a logistical problem. Especially when I start drinking before 7:00. I knew that I'd have to really pace myself if I was going to make it through the night. So I resolved to only have half-pints, and I also resolved to start out with the lower alcohol selections.

Accordingly, my first selection was a Two Brothers Domain DuPage French Style Country Ale (210), or "that frenchy beer" as I like to call it, just to save time. I hadn't had this in a couple of years. It was yummy of course. As good I remembered.

(to be continued)

Not too long ago, I'd have been sad because she wasn't there to share tonight with me.

But now I'm thinking that she's always with me.

She never went anywhere.

That was someone else.

Someone that I never knew at all.

Just a catalyst, actually.

With sparkling eyes.

You know what would have made my Friday night better than it was?

Me neither.

I'm very excited.

Slipping deeper into insanity than ever before - it's probably a really stupid reason to be excited.

But here I go anyway.

Smiling as I slide away from the truth.

Laughing as reality recedes into the distance.

Grinning from ear to ear as the happy lies loom larger and larger.

Wheeeeeeeee!

It's so dark tonight.

I like the dark.

In the darkness, I can see her.

The waxing Moon and the cloudy skies press down upon me, and I shiver.

My soul reaches out for warmth, and it finds her.

I wish that this night would never end.

It's perfect.

I guess the stress is part of the fun, too.

I'm not really sure how to break this to you.

I guess I'll just come out and say it.

The DaveFest shirts aren't going to be ready for at least a week.

Now, calm down please. The Sun will still rise and set tomorrow. It will probably continue to do so this weekend when DaveFest begins on schedule.

So, after several emails, I think I've got the quantities correct. For the initial order anyway. Any subsequent orders will, quite frankly, be a pain in the ass and I can't guarantee that they'll even happen.

I'm disappointed, of course. I was really looking forward to seeing my likeness adorn the chests of friends and strangers alike this weekend. It would have been surreal and sublime.

But alas, it's not meant to be. Not just yet.

I'm told that the shirts will be ready by next Friday, in time for the final wave of DaveFest when the Rogue beers go on tap.

For those of you holding non-refundable tickets to Louisville for this weekend, let me apologize. Let me also assure you that the trip will still be worthwhile. In the end, it's really about the beer.

In silent protest of this atrocity, my beautiful female readers should feel free to attend the festival shirtless.