Got to Rich O's early last night - a little before 7:00.

I'd had this crazy idea that maybe it wouldn't be so crowded that early, that maybe I'd be able to grab some spots in the living room area for when my friends arrived.

Yeah, right. Dream on, Dave.

I ordered myself an Upland Chocolate Stout (110) and sat at the end of the loveseat. There were three guys in the area who all knew each other, but they were all strangers to me.

I should have known that this was a bad sign.

A new guy would show up. Another stranger, and therefore probably another idiot. The guys sitting around me would all cheer and greet the new guy like he was an old friend. Because that's what he was to them. Then the new guy would sit down in the living room area, and the noise level would increase.

This happened five more times over the next thirty minutes. I shit you not.

When I gave up my seat, it was to the ninth member of that group.

I was forced to stand around like a dork for a few minutes, but then I saw that one of the PBDs was leaving his seat at the bar so I grabbed it and spent some time talking with TallLady.

When HatGirl and LuckyFucker arrived, TallLady was nice enough to move down to the other end of the bar.

The theory was that, since my friends and I had three seats right next to each other, we'd be able to talk.

Yeah right. Dream on, Dave.

I've seen it more crowded at Rich O's. I've seen nights where people have been forced to stand for the entire night it was so crowded. But last night was easily the LOUDEST that I've ever seen it. Those fuckers in the living room area were just incredibly obnoxious. I could barely hear HatGirl sitting right next to me, and LuckyFucker may as well have been on the Moon. We were forced to attempt lip-reading with each other.

If I'd never sat foot in Rich O's before, and I'd gone in last night for the first time, I'd have turned around and never returned. Good beer and the occasional hot girl be damned.

So I drank a couple more Uplands (130,150) while HatGirl and LuckyFucker calculated how quickly they could leave without hurting my feelings. I don't blame them a bit. At one point I turned around toward the living room area and said in a fairly loud voice, "Every one of you that can remain silent for one minute, I'll buy you a beer."

All nine of the shitheads became ineligible before ten seconds had passed. Oh well, it was worth a try I suppose.

Once my friends gave up and left, I had myself a half-glass of Upland (160) then a couple glasses of Diet Coke.

DooRagGirl came in and I talked with her for a few minutes, mainly about her boyfriend's "hairstyle."

At the very end of the night I talked with WomanRepellant and EuchreDude about women and romance and stuff. We're all such experts. That's why we were by ourselves.

The nice thing, and the only nice thing, about nights like last night, is that it will never get any worse than that. Last night was as bad as it gets. It's all downhill from there. Or uphill. Whichever one is easier. And quieter.

So I'm in a strange kind of mood tonight.

The kind of mood where I have this urge to purge my mind of the crap that's been clogging it up.

But because of this damn discretion thing I've been trying, a complete mental enema is out of the question.

Instead, I'll do what I've done before, and I'll just start spouting random crap without specifics. Just like last time, these are to a bunch of different people.

If I pissed you off, or scared you off, then I'd apologize except that I haven't the slightest idea what I could have done wrong. So instead, I'm just going to blame it on "woman stuff" and forget about it, and you.

If your eyes were the ocean then I would gladly drown in them.

I can understand the appeal of the familiar, but just because you're used to something doesn't mean that it's necessarily good. You could have been wrong all this time. It happens. People are wrong all the time.

I want to kiss you at midnight this Saturday. I may end up kissing someone else, but I'll be thinking of you.

I take back everything I've ever thought about your boyfriend. He's perfect for you, and I'm glad that you've found him.

I see you reading me almost every day. I take comfort in the fact that you give a shit.

She is simply a distraction, I think. For now.

You should have believed my words, and not my eyes.

I've been invited to five different things for Saturday night. I don't have a clue what I'll end up doing, but I know that I'll wish it was with you.

The feeling of your lips on mine is not one I will soon forget. Scratch that - it's not one I will ever forget.

I often wonder, where would I be if I hadn't found you? Someplace much worse than here, I bet. I hope that the feeling is mutual.

Don't worry about me too much. I'm used to being like this.

I resent you for the distraction that you've brought into my life, but I know deep down that this distraction is exactly what I needed, so thank you.

My patience is neither infinite nor trustworthy. Prove to me that you're worth waiting for, then we'll talk about patience.

For various reasons, you have slipped out of my life, and you are almost a stranger to me now. I miss hanging out with you.

Your wife is hot, but I'm sure that you already know that. Make sure that she knows it.

I still offer you everything you ever asked for, except that which belongs to another. Every day I regret that it's not mine to give. Every single day.

Don't just ask her to come back to you - tell her why you want her back. She wants a reason. Swallow your pride and give her one.

Well my initial plan was to try this evil thing for a month and see if it worked out.

My own opinion is that it isn't working. My hair is just so damn fair you can hardly tell it's there. And there are still some gaps around the edges that I'm not convinced are ever going to fill in. There's also a bit of a symmetry problem.

But my sister Neisha says she'll kill me if I don't give it at least another month, and MixedSignalGirl gave me a grooming kit for Christmas, so I'll be sticking with it for a while longer.

Forgive me for this. I'm having one of those bad face days. Plus the phone always does this fisheye thing with close-up pictures. My nose really doesn't take up half my face.

It is kind of neat though. To look at more or less the same face in the mirror for forty years gets a little old. I only wish this face I still see didn't look so old sometimes.

I was also expecting some gray in my facial hair, but there's none. My dad had very little gray when he died at age 56, so I guess I get that from him.

8:40
I wasn't not even completely through the door when HornDog - sitting in the loser section for some reason - informed me that he's drinking the last of the Rogue Chocolate Stout. Fuck. I checked the board, and the Upland Chocolate Stout is still listed.

8:41
I order an Upland, and I'm told that it is gone too. Fuck Fuck.

8:44
I order one of these:

Young's Winter Warmer (20)

I was expecting more from this beer for some reason, but I should have known better. This is, after all, the brewery that touts their chocolate stout as "double" chocolate even though it's clearly the weakest of any that I've ever had. But enough ranting. A decent brown ale with a touch of something that I couldn't identify - there's not enough of whatever it is.

8:50
Some assholes that I never saw before in my life have just joined me and are *gasp* trying to talk to me. Don't they realize that I hate them with a passion that burns to the very core of my being? Well, don't they?

9:00
TallLady has left, so I'm moving to the island to the space that she vacated.

9:08:
These fuckheads keep trying to talk to me.

9:17
This one fucker keeps trying to read what I'm writing, so

HEY FUCKHEAD READ THIS!!!!

9:18
The fucker is now complaining about the smoke in here, so I'm lighting three at once.

9:20
It worked! He's leaving!

9:22
This chick keeps trying to talk to me about port wine, even though I told her I wouldn't drink port if she held a gun to my head. She just won't shut up about port this and port that and how they're going to drink port on Friday and port is yummy and port port port port port.

9:30
Hey, the assholes at the bar just left! Finally! I'm moving over there. PortGirl is stunned! Stunned I tell you!

9:32
After a small sample glass, I order a half-pint of one of these:

Bell's Sparkling Ale (12)

(draft) Smells like old socks. Looks like a lager. Tastes fantastic. Reminds me of the winter ales from the established Belgian breweries. Apples and other, unidentifiable, fruits predominate. A very surprising beer from one of my favorite breweries. Yummy.

9:42
The fuckers in the living room area all suck giant green ones.

9:45
Some fucker just sat at the other end of the bar and he's tapping it like he's a drummer or something.

9:47
Yay! I miss her! Wait, I mean Boo!

9:50
You wanna know what I hate more than people eating at the bar, more than people hiding the ashtrays, even more than strangers in the living room area?

(I'll let the fucker to my left provide the drumroll...)

It's people that start rearranging the furniture like they own the place. They suck.

10:00
Half the fuckers in the living room area just left, and it's still full of idiots over there.

10:07
I keep turning around to see who's here. I don't know who I'm expecting or hoping for, but it's always the same idiots every time I turn around.

10:11
The rest of the idiots have gone. Yay! Now it's just some hot blonde and her gay boyfriend over there. I'm staying where I am.

10:18
The Stille Nacht is gone. The Delirium Noel is gone. The De Ranke - I can't remember if I like it or not. I order a Guinness (1020).

10:20
FutureDude is trying to start shit.

10:21
Upland Chocolate Stout is still here! Yay! I order one! (80)

10:30
I've been talking with HornDog. I forgive him for drinking all of the Rogue because he's who told me that the Upland was still here.

10:35
Piss time. You know you care.

10:50
Advice for women: Don't rub yourself all over me while telling me that you think of me like a brother. This type of behavior is, believe it or not, actually not a big turn-on for me.

10:55
Some dude just sat next to me and ordered one of those green beers that SassyBoy used to be named after.

10:56
Another Upland (90). Yummy.

11:00
NewGreenBeerGuy goes to I.U. but he doesn't know my niece or her boyfriend.

11:10
Piss time again.

11:15
There's some new hot girl working the Sportstime side of the business. That side gets all the hot girls.

11:17
I'm smiling because I miss her.

11:30
I'm outta here.

Whatever it was, it had a huge bladder. It never did go to the bathroom.

For those of you with severe ADD, I wrote way back yesterday about the possibility of DaveFest 2006 at Rich O's.

Well now today I've seen this on Roger's 'blog.

Yay!

Last night Rich O's was, once again, moderately packed. I guess a lot of people are like me and not working today.

I arrived at about 8:30 and sat at the island with RealTrainGirl and MisunderstoodGirl. Actually, ReadTrainGirl has got herself a new short and sassy hairstyle, so she will henceforth be known in this 'blog as SassyGirl. Then, so GreenBeerDude doesn't feel left out, I will hereafter call him SassyBoy.

Guess what I drank.

Go ahead, guess!

Rogue Chocolate Stout is correct! Ding ding ding!

It was a nice and quiet night. A bunch of idiots were scattered around the place, but they didn't bother us for the most part. I had a couple pints of the Rogue (418) while talking with my friends and making fun of the idiots, and then, after my friends left I had a half glass of Rogue (428) and then came home at like 11:30.

Then I dicked around the house for a while and then I slept for like 10 hours.

It's nice to have a day off in the middle of the week. Makes it feel extra-special.

...that even though this road is fraught with peril, I've been standing still for a long time. It may be time to start walking again.

I'm also thinking that I should really really really shut the fuck up.

After last night's beer-off I didn't just go home. Nope, I stayed and drank some more. Since I already had my notebook handy, I took notes.

5:20
I'll just get a half-pint of each to start. Don't want to seem greedy.

(The beer-off commences immediately.)

5:40
Fuck I'm here early. I'd better pace myself.

5:45
I keep rambling to Exbartender about how yummy the Rogue is. I bet he wishes I'd shut the hell up.

5:50
Tried to call SpikeBoy to tell him about the Rogue. No answer.

6:00
ExBartender's "friend" is very quiet. He is drinking Lindeman's Frambroise. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

6:09
I have another Rogue (338).

6:10
HornDog has joined me. Oh boy.

6:15
Two dudes are standing over there talking about playing pool. They are clueless.

6:20
RealTrainGirl and GreenBeerDude have arrived.

6:30
RealTrainGirl and GreenBeerDude have declared that it shall be gay night at Rich O's.

6:35
GreenBeerDude has a present that's wrapped in gay wrapping paper.

6:37
He made it himself, using pictures cut out from magazines.

7:35
I have another Rogue (358).

7:45
HatGirl and LuckyFucker arrive.

7:50
GreenBeerDude has declared gay night a success.

8:00
There are about a half-dozen hot girls in the red room for some reason.

That's all the notes I took.

I did have another Rogue (378) before I left though. Yummy.

The other day I was nagging at Roger, the owner of Rich O's, about the lack of chocolate stouts on tap. After he'd assured me that my beer-off was only postponed and not cancelled, we talked a bit about other beers.

One of the topics was the idea of a kind of customer appreciation mini-festival to fill in some of the gaps between the three big festivals. Roger's idea was that he'd take a single customer and make it a point to have several of that customer's favorite brews on tap at the same time.

This is a great idea, I think. And it's an even better idea if I get to be the customer being honored.

I don't know if anything like this will ever actually come to pass, but it could be a fun little fantasy exercise. So, I'm going to pretend that the first annual DaveFest is going to take place in the Spring.

The rules are these:

1. Six taps will be provided for beers of my choosing, but I should specify at least ten beers so that alternates are available if any of my main selections cannot be procured.


2. I need to choose beers that Roger can actually get, so no Alaskan Amber and no Alaskan Smoked Porter or anything else that he can't get in a keg.


3. I need to choose beers that he will actually sell, so no Newcastle.


4. Some beers are always on anyway, like Guinness, so I needn't bother specifying them.

• Delirium Tremens


• Rogue Smoke


• Weihenstephaner Hefeweissbier


• Rogue Chocolate Stout


• Arcadia Scotch Ale


• Goose Island Honkers Ale

• De Dolle Dulle Teve (Mad Bitch)


• Bell's Kalamazoo Stout


• Avery Old Jubilation


• Two Brothers Domain DuPage French Style Country Ale


• Hitachino Nest Red Rice Ale


• Piraat

If I were able to select six beers and there were no rules, those six beers would be:

• Delirium Tremens


• Alaskan Smoked Porter


• Harpoon Winter Warmer


• Rogue Chocolate Stout


• Alaskan Amber


• Baltika 6