So I have this rock now.

I'm very excited to have this rock. I keep it in my pocket. It's the first one I've ever had.

Nobody else seems to understand, but that's okay. Maybe, unless someone has their own rock, they can't understand.

I'm just going to repost this entry that I made back in September. I'm not sure why. I guess because I found out that someone smiled tonight, and I think's it's been a while since she's smiled. It reminded me of this girl from the bar:

So there's this one chick, a semi-regular at Rich O's, who is perhaps the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Note, please, that I said seen and not known. Or even met.

She's maybe little too stocky. She's perhaps little bit on the "cuddly" side of slender. She's possibly a little bit bottom-heavy. Her hairstyle is a crew-cut, of all things. A girl that you might not notice at all, and if you did you'd probably figure she was a carpet muncher. In other words, a completely normal person for Rich O's. You probably wouldn't give her a second glance if you weren't a lesbian yourself.

Unless you got lucky, as I did when I first saw her. Unless you got lucky enough to see her smile.

This girl is possessed of what TallLady once called "Good bone structure." That's how she pulls off the crew-cut. So she is pretty, in a generic and unremarkable way.

Until she smiles.

When she smiles, angels in heaven claw their own eyes out because they cannot bear the beauty that's revealed.

When she smiles, flowers close their petals, and butterflies ground themselves, and sunsets halt their progress. They all know that they cannot compete, so they do not even try.

Her smile lights up a gloomy room the way a lighthouse does a rocky coast. It shows everyone that there is an unthreatening path, that there is a safe harbor, that there is something worthwhile at the end of the voyage. Whatever that voyage may be.

I don't know this girl at all. I talked to her for the first time tonight. I said something funny, and I made her smile.

That right there, that I could, if only for a moment, bring such beauty into the world, that should be enough to carry me for quite a while.

(I've deleted a bunch of whiny crybaby bullshit.)

I need a break from this. Probably just a couple of days. I doubt that I'd last much longer than that.

Until then, some of you know where to find me.

You don't see very many after work beer reports from me for a few reasons.

First, I kind of stopped going to the haunted bar after work.

Second, I hardly ever try anything unusual or new after work.

Third, I'm lazy.

Fouth, nobody cares anyway.

Well today I went to Rich O's after work. I went because I'm subscribed to this e-mail thingy that the owner sends out, and the e-mail thingy I got Monday promised a certain beer. I went, and I had some of the beer. I even updated the official description on my beer page:

Great Lakes Christmas Ale (80)

Another winner from this excellent brewery. Very complex but well balanced. Starts out sweet, followed by a surprising bit of cinnamon heat at the end. Nothing overpowering. Yummy.

Every day I climb a little higher. Every day I get a little closer to freeing myself from this dark chasm.

But I'm not out yet.

I look down at the swirling blackness below me, and I can't help but wonder, how much would it hurt if I fell to the bottom again now? Or now? Or right now?

I can't tell. The bottom is lost in the darkness. All I really know is that every inch of upward progress is another inch I could fall. Another inch closer to freedom, but also another inch closer to death.

I don't think I want to die. Not again.

But until that day when I finally claw my way out of here, and back into my life, the fear of falling will increase with every move I make.

The blackness follows me up, obscuring all of the progress I've made. It taunts me.

I'm already so terrified of falling that I can barely will myself to move, and I've still got a long way to go.

Sometimes I think I should just stop, but I can't. There are no ledges upon which I can rest.

Sometimes I think I should climb back down.

Sometimes I think I should jump.

Then, at least, I could stop being so afraid.

Tonight I was hoping to tell the tale of my exciting journey to The Land Of Oz.

No such luck.

The night was a complete waste, weather-wise. At least here at my house it was. All it did was rain.

And I was really looking forward to seeing some flying monkeys.

Tonight's one of those slight chance of severe weather nights, complete with a tornado watch. This is in stark contrast to the other night when, 75 miles West of me, two dozen people were killed by a tornado that supposedly had zero chance of forming.

So tonight I get to sleep fully-clothed, on my couch, with my weather alert thingy by my side, ready to run into my basement or into my front yard - whichever suits my mood, should severe weather threaten.

This is quite cool, having storms like this in November.

It would be slightly less cool to be killed by a tornado tonight, but at least it would get me out of work tomorrow.

Tomorrow's supposed to be our main threat. Fucking all Hell will probably come unleashed and I'll be stuck at work.