First thing I did last night was deal with the situation. I called MixedSignalGirl up. I told her that I wasn't angry anymore. That I just wanted to hear her side of the story.

That was a lie. I was still angry, but the longer I waited the worse it got, so I just wanted to get it over with, and see what kind of damage control was needed.

So we agreed to meet at Buckhead's. I got there early, she got there late. This was always one of our trademarks. When she arrived, she just happened to be wearing the top that's always been my favorite on her. She said that she was going out with some friends later, and had already picked that outfit before I'd called.

That was a lie. She never really liked that top, but she'd wear it because I'd bought it for her.

The tension between us was just incredible. I couldn't believe that I was having this conversation with her. That it had come to this. To my having to smile and say that it was okay. To her saying that she was sorry.

Two lies, one from each of us.

In the end, I guess it wasn't as bad as I'd first been told. I guess I understand why she did it. I sure as fuck wish that she hadn't, but I've done one or two or a gazillion stupid things myself.

She said that she did it to try to make me happy. To give me that little push and force me to cross that line that I'd been afraid to cross.

That was a lie.

The real reason she did it was so that she and I would be having that conversation. She wanted to see me, but she didn't want to just call me up and say she missed me. She couldn't do that, not after she'd so efficiently and coldly left me at Sully's three nights earlier. So, in her drunken state, she did something that was sure to get my attention. Something that would result in me calling her.

Well it obviously worked. There we sat.

After a while, the tension decreased a little bit. We tried to talk about other things, but no words would come out. We spent most of an hour just picking at our food. In the past we'd joked that it's felt like we'd been breaking up for months, and we should just get it over with. Last night, it didn't feel that way. Last night, the breakup was an immutable part of our past, and it loomed behind us like a shadowy figure in a dark alley.

I knew what was coming. It was inevitable. The question.

You wanna fuck?

I turned down her eloquent offer. Told her that I had plans.

That was a lie. I had no plans other than going to Rich O's. Going home with her instead just seemed pointless. We've had more sex since we broke up in the Winter than we ever had when we were an actual couple. I never wanted a fuckbuddy. Like I said, pointless.

*** Warning! Boring dream description ahead! Proceed at your own risk! ***

I was at some kind of campout except it was in a house. I don't think I knew anyone there.

At one point this girl had snuggled up against my back for warmth, and I ended up sleeping with my arms around her.

The some time passed, and the girl and I slept together every night. Literally slept. We were very happy together. There was no hanky hanky but eventually we started trying to mess around.

Problem was, it wouldn't fit. No matter what position we tried, no matter what lubricating oils we used, the damn thing just wouldn't fit.

So I got frustrated and went to take a shower.

When I came out of the shower it was dark, and the girl was under the sheets, and I tried to wake her up, but when I moved the sheets I could tell that there were just a decomposing body there. I tried to turn on some lights, and I tried to put a floor lamp near her face, but no matter what I did she was still in darkness.

By this time I'd realized that the house was my grandmother's old house so I flew outside to explore. It was raining very hard, and the entire neighborhood was completely flooded.

I was trying to decide between the decomposing body and the cold and flooded Earth when I woke up.

The second moral of this story is don't mess up a good thing by trying to turn it into something it's not meant to be.

The third moral of this story is not to take such long showers.

When you live your life in total darkness, it doesn't take much.

The smallest spark, the slightest flash of light, can capture your full attention. Even after it's gone, the memory of that flash lives on.

Sometimes that flash is welcomed, but most times, most times it's only reminding you of what's missing.

A man gone blind does not always wish for sight, for there can be comfort in the dark.

Acceptance. Tranquility. Peace. All erased by a spark, a glimmer, a splash of light that does nothing but burn the retinas and leave ghost images floating and intruding.

A flash is nothing by itself. It's over in an instant. But the memory of it lingers, and the blind man sometimes wishes he could forget.

I was almost going to stay home tonight. Took a nap after work and I didn't set the alarm. I thought I might sleep all night.

But I didn't. I woke up at 9:00 and reflexively jumped into the shower and got ready to go out.

Rich O's was pretty crowded for 10:30 at night, which was when I got there. I soon found out why. MusicalHippyDude pointed out that an actual attractive and single girl was present. She was sitting on the loveseat, surrounded by about 10 guys who were all old enough to be her father.

I stayed away from that shit.

What I did was stand at the bar and have a Smithwick's (580).

After a while SpikeBoy came in and I sat at the island with him while I had a Baltika 6 (207).

Oh yeah - MusicalHippyDude told me that ButterFace was in earlier - sans Nerdlinger - and that SuperShitHead spent a lot of time trying to put the moves on her. Yeah, right. Like that fucker would have a chance at anything with two legs.

(response to message)

My favorite [censored] song is [censored]

Happy birthday to my youngest sister Neisha!

Sorry to leave the three people who know what's going on perched on the edge of their seats but, as I said yesterday, it can't be helped.

I need to hear the other side of this story before I can really do or say anything. And I'm not going to hear other side of the story until I'm a little less angry and a little more open-minded.

...

I just deleted a bunch of boring drivel that nobody wanted to read anyway.

(Oh, hey! This is my 1000th entry here! Yay!)

I'll probably give this some major tweaking, but it took so damn long to render that I don't feel like messing with it anymore tonight.

Now this is one of those entries that will probably just confuse people. Oh well, can't be helped.

The good news is that I can stop holding my breath.

The bad news is that the message was this:

Please tell your girlfriend to stop calling me.

I guess I'll find out more later, but right now, based on what I do know, I'm furious.

I'm actually so pissed off that I'm going to stop writing now. I'm sure I'd say something that I'd later regret.