One of the nice things about my company is that we get a four-day weekend for Labor Day.

So that made Thursday a virtual Friday. So I went to Rich O's.

The place was pretty dead. Only a few semi-regulars, and nobody that I'd consider a friend. WomanRepellant was there so that may have had something to do with it.

To drink, I first had a Baltika "6" Porter (125). Yummy as always. Next I had a Young's Double Chocolate Stout (135). This craving for chocolatey beers has been going on for quite a while now. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I do find it surprising to be craving anything that's not a smoked porter or a Belgian.

It was a fairly boring night. Once CrewCutGirl and her friend left I sat alone in the living room area for a while, then I went to White Castle and came home.

So there's this one chick, a semi-regular at Rich O's, who is perhaps the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Note, please, that I said seen and not known. Or even met.

She's maybe little too stocky. She's perhaps little bit on the "cuddly" side of slender. She's possibly a little bit bottom-heavy. Her hairstyle is a crew-cut, of all things. A girl that you might not notice at all, and if you did you'd probably figure she was a carpet muncher. In other words, a completely normal person for Rich O's. You probably wouldn't give her a second glance if you weren't a lesbian yourself.

Unless you got lucky, as I did when I first saw her. Unless you got lucky enough to see her smile.

This girl is possessed of what TallLady once called "Good bone structure." That's how she pulls off the crew-cut. So she is pretty, in a generic and unremarkable way.

Until she smiles.

When she smiles, angels in heaven claw their own eyes out because they cannot bear the beauty that's revealed.

When she smiles, flowers close their petals, and butterflies ground themselves, and sunsets halt their progress. They all know that they cannot compete, so they do not even try.

Her smile lights up a gloomy room the way a lighthouse does a rocky coast. It shows everyone that there is an unthreatening path, that there is a safe harbor, that there is something worthwhile at the end of the voyage. Whatever that voyage may be.

I don't know this girl at all. I talked to her for the first time tonight. I said something funny, and I made her smile.

That right there, that I could, if only for a moment, bring such beauty into the world, that should be enough to carry me for quite a while.

Okay, I'm going to go ahead and make some predictions regarding the outcome of this show.

These predictions should prove, once and for all, that I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. Especially when it comes to music.

I mean, a half-hour ago I was talking with my sister about INXS (the olden days' version) and I actually found myself disagreeing with her.

I'm the guy that, two months ago, wouldn't have recognized an INXS song or a band member if, as Jack Nicholson so famously said, I were pissing on one. My sister, meanwhile, probably knows all of that old stuff by heart.

Anyway, like I said, I'm going to make some predictions. Here they are:

Suzie: I just can't see INXS picking a woman to sing for them. I'm not really saying that I think that they're a bunch of chauvinistic pigs. Okay, maybe I am saying that a little, but the main reason that I don't think Suzie will win is that she's just not good enough, or possessing of range enough, to carry an entire album or concert appearance.

Jordis: I've already said this, but I really hope hat Jordis doesn't win the thing. I don't think that she will, both because she's a woman, but also because I don't think the INXS members are idiots. They have to realize that any band with Jordis doing the fronting is going to become The Jordis Band and every other member will become irrelevant. I don't think these guys want to become (any more) irrelevant, so I don't think they'll choose Jordis.

Mig: Mig is my sister's pick to win the thing. I guess I can picture it happening, but I'm still a little concerned about Mig's range. He can definitely sing some songs really well, but he can also suck if the song doesn't suit his voice and style.

Marty: I like Marty's singing a little better than Mig's, but I think he's got the same set of problems. If he wins I don't expect INXS keep him past that first album and tour. Marty is the one I'd like to see win.

JD: JD is my prediction for winning this thing. Not not not not because I think he can sing. Also not because I think he's cute, though my female friends seem to think so. Nope, I think he will win because he's the performer most likely to sloppily lap away at the 15-year-old genitalia of the band's rock stardom. I think that's what the band is looking for - someone to kiss their asses and tell them how great they are.

Those are my predictions. We'll find out in a few weeks just how much of a dumbass I am.

I know, I know. I'm two days late with this entry. Blame my TiVo for making it so easy to watch Tuesday's episode whenever I want.

I also didn't take notes, so I've probably got the order all fucked up here.

JD: I hate this guy. (30 points)

Ty: Moved away from the R&B thing he's been doing and now he's doing gospel. I really really like his voice, but he seems to be trying to differentiate himself too much. I don't think he's right for INXS. (60 points)

Marty: Wow. That was fucking awesome. The best I've ever heard anyone sing that song. (100 points)

Jordis: Hate the song, but her performance was just amazing. She's also got one of the prettiest faces, and one of the most beautiful voices, that I've ever run across. (100 points)

Suzie: Hate the song, or at least parts of the song. She did well though. Plus, she's quite hot. (85 points)

Mig: I really don't remember his performance, so it must have been just average. (50 points)

It's not that I don't have anything to write about. Really. I just don't have anything that seems worth the effort.

I think I'd rather be funny. Funny people can always write worthwhile things. People like me, pathetic and whiny people - we have a much more difficult time of it, I think.

Firstly, we have to be in a mood that leads to the mental ramblings that can lead to interesting writing. Secondly, and this is the tougher part for me, we have to care enough about whatever the subject is to make the whole process seem worth the effort. Finally, we have to be willing and able to put it all out there for the world to see. Like those dreams we all had when we were kids - we have to be willing to go to school without our pants on.

I'm having a hard time meeting any of these objectives lately. It'd be a lot easier if I was funny.

Then I could write about, say, these dudes that came into Rich O's yesterday. I could call them The Ballcap Bunch.

Five guys, all in what looked to be their mid-20s, all wearing baseball caps. There just has to be a funny story there somewhere. And then, a sixth guy joined them, but he had no cap!

What's up with that?!?

Had he lost his cap? Had it been stolen? Perhaps he was new to the Ballcap Bunch and hadn't completed his initiation yet.

These are the things that capture my interest when I'm not busily feeling sorry for myself.

Wheeeeee!

That is all.

Twice today, I reached out to someone else.

That's pretty much my normal weekly quota, used up in a two-hour period.

And the odd thing is, I don't expect anything in return.

Hell, if I had expected a reaction, I probably wouldn't have reached out at all.

But still, this is progress that I'm making here.

Slowly but surely, I am becoming a person again.

Okay, I'm told that I have to write something, even if it's boring.

So I will. Write something boring.

Today after work I went by Rich O's and ordered myself a SmithWick's (480). While I was drinking that RealTrainGirl called and said she was coming up. So I ended up ordering some food and then I had a Weihenstephaner Hefeweissbier Dunkel (120) while I waited.

Once RealTrainGirl and GreenBeerDude arrived we just bullshitted for a while. We split a bottle of this Italian beer:

Panil Barrique (Sour) (5)

(bottle) Does weird necessarily equal good? If so, then this is a very good beer. Very sour in both aroma and flavor. Supposedly oak-aged and stuff but I couldn't detect anything beyond the sourness. Fairly decent, but I cannot imagine ever having more than a single small glass.

So I didn't get home until about 9:30 - way past my normal nap time. I'll try to hang in there until midnight to keep myself on a regular schedule.

Oh yeah that asshole dipshit fuckhead was at Rich O's when I got there. I didn't say "Hi" to him. The fucker.

how much do you stalk me?

Didn't do much of anything today. Went grocery shopping. Watched some movies. Shot some pool. Did a couple loads of laundry.

Spent about an hour trading text messages back and forth with a couple of girls. Nice enough girls. Pretty enough too. One that wants too much from me, and another that wants too little. Doesn't matter though, 'cause I don't think I have enough left in me for either of them.

They always initiate these conversations. For whatever reasons, they're bored, or lonely, or whatever. Today they both happened to be bored or lonely or whatever at the same time. So I spent, like I said, an hour juggling two different conversations, neither of which I really gave a shit about.

Because you see, the person I really want to hear from - I told that person to leave me alone. Told her that she was hurting me. Told her in a text message, because to have told her in person would have required more willpower, and more bravery, than I could muster.

Today I watched this movie Hitch which is just completely full of all these cheesy lines about love and happiness and heartbreak. Incredibly sappy stuff, but there was one line that struck a bit of a chord in me:

I waited my entire life to feel this miserable.

But not now.

Now there's just this numbness that I kind of wish would go away.